Salty Bite: Moody Men

0:22 Hello. Hello. I am Claire. I'm Mel. And together we are the Salty Hoes, and we're coming back with a Salty Bites. A beautiful, wondrous exploration of the gifts and goodies that are right there on the dating apps. I mean, those are a couple of words that one. Might use. Well, we like to theme it and this this time we thought that our theme could be feelings. Oh, feelings. OK. Oh we no, what did we say? Oh, moods, moods, moods. Feelings. Moods. It's all all adjacent, right? Two men that even have those. I thought they were the logical sex. Yeah, I'm not sure they do, which could explain a lot in what we're finding on the apps.

1:08 Oh yeah, OK. Yeah, but it's interesting given that women are usually branded Moody because there there seems like a lot of, shall we say, violent swings even in just a short bio. Oh, yeah. Well, I think that's because somehow men have successfully branded anger as not a feeling. Right? That's true. So they're so logical. Yes. All they do is get angry and act out. But that's that's logical, right? That's not an emotion. That's manly. Yes. Yes. It's not a mood. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, shall we dive in? Let's dive in. OK, who have? You got that's it's giving some Moody vibes. OK, well I'm going to start with Lucas. Lucas is 39 pictures, fairly unremarkable. His bio though, he writes about me. Introverted homebody 100% not a serial killer. Oh, I'm I'm already on alert.

2:04 I just look weird undiagnosed but pretty sure something's off lol. My God. OK, well should we give him points for honesty? I guess so, yeah, maybe that's not quite as Moody as I was thinking, but I he was in a mood when he wrote that. I. Suppose, you know, I think so and it's it's all adjacent like, you know, all all on our theme. That's wow. OK, cool. Pretty fun, right? Wow, did did you go right? Obviously. I mean. He's not a serial killer, he told me himself. Oh my God, and I'm sure he's correct even though undiagnosed for something. Wow. OK, what? Have you got for me?

2:45 Well, again, this is, this is, I feel like mood adjacent. It's just, it's very violent swings and contradictory. So this lovely young man is 48 years of age. I have a mental block about giving them a fake name. I, I, I don't know what it is. We'll call him Larry. That's not his name. I think I use Larry often. That's OK. They can all be Larry. Yeah, Larry and Larry, Larry and Chad. Larry and Chad of different ages. So Larry in the bio is again prescribing what they would like, not anything about them. Well I guess what you like is about you somehow. So Larry is looking for someone fun who smells nice to take on dates and talk dirty to when the time is right. OK, I mean I do like the that he specifies when the time is right, not just at any time.

3:38 We can have points to that, but, you know, maybe didn't need to specify that in a bio for a first date. I don't know. But yeah, we'll give, we'll give him points for that. That that's all one sentence, by the way, with no punctuation, of course. Hoping you actually want to be touched. Yeah. OK. And treated right. So there is that. Part. Well, I do want that. Yeah, that part would be nice. I it it, it harms me. It's connected to touching though, not just looking for validation for being pretty. Oh yeah, wow. He sounds like that guy from Love is Blind. I will not tell you that you're pretty. Oh. Yeah, right. As a means of control. Yes, so there's all that, and then there's a little space. New paragraph Roasting is a love language and I have my own. Tools, OH.

4:29 Yeah. And then? Wow, it keeps going. Space. New paragraph. Be sweet, be kind. I'm confused. Those are a lot of moods. Yeah, they are a lot of moods and what I feel like I just got in the subtext is I am going to roast you, AKA I'm going to insult you, but you better be sweet and kind to me. I think that that is the subtext that we're hearing, and Larry's just a little confused about his moods and feelings. Larry. Can dish it out, but he can't take it. 100% Wow. Thank you, Larry. All right, well, I've got 1 here. This is a person I'm going to call Ryan. Ryan is 41. He has pictures of himself doing various outdoor activities. And Ryan was in a little bit of a mood when he wrote this bio. Oh, OK, So Ryan writes about me.

5:20 Swipe left. If you have multiple baby daddies you are low value. Oh oh, judgy too. Wow. Really great next paragraph. Serious question, do women understand the transfer of power that happens after 40? You better be good looking or show potential of being good looking after 40. Otherwise you're a waste of my time. Chances are you have nothing to offer me. What? Yeah. How do you even come up with that? Isn't that wild? Wow, the transference of power. He's a real. Treat Oh my God, so in other words, you're so many things actually.

6:04 So he was he was just residing in the beauty area and he sang over 40 that goes and you better show potential of aging well. Question mark I think so EW because your only value to me is your looks. Is is Mr. Ryan hot? Average. Oh, like he's. Not ugly, but. A mid man. A mid man. He's a mid man. Wow. At least in terms of looks. In terms of temper, he seems like real low. He's low value. Oh. Yeah, that's, that's look in the mirror there, bro. Wow. OK. What else have you got for me? Well again, this one just seems so contradictory. I actually can't see his name or his age because I had a call coming in.

6:46 When I screenshot at this, we'll just make up any data for this person. This can be Barry, age 35. Barry and Terry, the Three Stooges. I don't. Believe it. So you know he starts off by saying I'm a pretty happy person so you're like oh that's nice unless someone messes with me lol. So still keeping it light. I like structure, and when I get out of my element, it bothers me. Oh, so I'm thinking that Barry isn't as happy as he made out that he was initially. Yeah, he. Seems really rigid. Uh huh. Yep and it gets better.

7:27 I will always be honest even if you don't like what I have to say. OK, so again, going back to that insulting and please don't say anything back. Yeah, a little asshole ish. Mm hmm. And then it gets pleasant again. OK, I'm respectful and I have a big heart and always try to see the good in. People. Oh. Except when he's telling you your faults. Yeah, probably too much about TO. I'm very I'm sorry. I just have to point that out. I'm very open minded and try to see things from others point of view like. Wow, that's all. He's all over the map. It's not adding up to me. It's just it's just not. Then he tops it off after his dot dot dot. Absolutely hate drama and just want to enjoy life and be happy. Oh, OK.

8:18 It's kind of all falling into place for me now. Yes. All right, this barrier, whoever. Yeah. He's one of those men that loves to tell you about you. He has many insults to share, right? Like plenty of things that he doesn't like. And he'll tell you about it even if you don't like it. But God forbid you say 1 even negative adjacent thing about him or anything else because he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want the drama. You know him, Yeah. If you were to even say I am sad to be like, oh, the drama, yeah. Boy sounds like a super supportive partner. I think he's he's surprised. Yay, Barry. OK, cool for Barry. Yay.

8:59 Hey, do you do you have any more feelings, moods guys? I do. I've got one more. This one's a little bit confusing, at least part of it. So let's call this person Sean. OK, Sean is 44. He's got various pictures of himself again and an average looking guy. Yeah, he says he's looking for short term fun and also specifies ethical non monogamy. And open. Relationship, I know. It's like all the things. All the things like any one of those is an immediate the swipe left for me and somehow they don't cancel out and bring it around to the right. But I just screenshot this because not only of his bio but one of the pictures he put on there.

9:40 So about me Yolo. I'm new to Tawilla, been here since September. I'm not looking to waste my time or yours, but what I'm looking for is very specific dot dot dot. Oh, is there a list coming? Nope, there's nothing. That's it, That's it, You got a match, I guess. And ask what his very specific requirements are. OK, right. I was bracing for like a list. I mean, I I think it's probably weird enough he doesn't want to put it in his bio, right? Although it would probably save everyone a lot of time, despite his claim not to want to waste anyone's time. Yeah, just put whatever fucked up thing you're into here, Sir.

10:20 Like so women know not to waste their time. But the reason I picked this for the moodiness episode is you know how some men like to put memes in for one of their profile picture? Which is odd, but yes. It's really weird. Yeah. And look, I love memes. I love sending them to. They're great. Like, I think they're funny. I laugh about them all the time. But again, a dating profile, it's kind of a weird. Choice, not the place. Not really the place. Yeah. So he has a picture of a RAM on fire labeled Aries. OK so you can see like this is a a ram like coming out of like the flame. Wow Aries with some text over it. It says as an Aries. I avoid shit because I'm afraid of me, not you.

11:03 Temper go from zero to prison real fast. Oh, OK. Wow, wow, wow. Yeah, OK. I don't think I knew that about Aries. And also, yeah, but. Yeah, I don't know astrology, but I will say the stars are telling me to avoid this. One, I think that yes, the stars should tell you to avoid that. Wow. I mean, he really packed in a lot of red flags into a very short amount of he really. Did with not a lot of words. Yeah. Oh my God. It's almost impressive. I mean, Sean has some skills. He. Does he? He made me real scared real quick. Wow. OK, Sean.

11:46 Well, good luck out there. Yeah. Wow. All right. Well, I I don't know whether to go for the the corpse guy or the man that wanted to fight me. What do you think? Oh, I think we might even have time for both. Shall we go for it? Let's. Go for the fighting guy. Yeah, so Speaking of moods. Yes. Bro got like aggressive really really quite fast. So I'm just going to I call him John, which was on his profile. John. OK, John. Who's 45? John, who's 45 and you matched with this person. So this is a conversation. So this person liked me and when I saw them I was like oh hot damn.

12:26 And then I scrolled through and was like oh catfish. Pretty sure catfish because you know sometimes when the pictures look very like catalogy. A little too good to be true. Yeah, like they're literally cut out of like an ad for jeans or something. Like. And there was one of him with his arms around two children with a very large, large wedding band on also. So there was just red flags. Yeah. All over. And the bio, he claims to be pretty average white while presenting as startlingly hot. OK. You know, because these are pictures of like a model. Extremely hot guy, yeah. One of which they have a Speedo on with a a large pussy compared to the other pictures. So another red flag.

13:11 Not even the same person they're stealing pictures from. Yes, multiple people I. Think so All right, cool. And so I was like OK, you know, just for funsies here. Pretty sure, but on the off chance I could be wrong, let's let's match with Hot John. So. Hot John, I like. That hot John, and so initially he's like, oh, hi, how's your day? And I was like, great, like not a lot to work with there, John, but thanks. And I was like, what do you get up to? And he said something about going to the gym and but he hurt his back and I said, oh, I'm so sorry you're poor. We back and he came back and was like, are you making fun of me? Are you making fun of me?

13:54 Yeah, because I said, oh, you're we back. So I guess it was a size thing. Yes. Oh, Hot John is insecure about his size. Is that what? You're telling me something something like that something. 'S going on there, yeah. And I said, oh, no, no, like that's it's just like a term of endearment, like, OK. And he he said, whoa, that makes me feel better. OK. And then came right in with how long have you been divorced, 00? OK. All right. Going there already. Yeah, Skip the pleasantries. Sure. And I said that's funny, that's where your head went. So I just said that's funny where your head went. And then I, I answered a long time ago, 10 years. How about you assuming you're divorced, lol. Oh, you know, because just making it light. I mean he did have a wedding ring picture in one of the photos though, so I feel like that's a legitimate question. It's you know, cuz you could have said, oh nice wedding band or you know when I feel like somebody could have said, oh old picture, It's not that big of a.

14:55 Deal. No, it's an opportunity to explain or clarify. Like he could have said, you know what? My divorce isn't final yet. Or like put an old picture in I like I'm separated or like, you know, whatever. Just explain your situation like it's not a, it's not an attack. No like it. It's. Actually kind of a nice way to reference without like directly asking I think. Yeah, and I I tried to make it chokey. Yeah. And then he came back again. Are you making fun of me? Angry emoji? I'll fight you Holy. Shit, I'll fight you. Yes. Oh my God. I thought that that was just such an interesting choice and and I'm upset because he deleted me shortly thereafter and I didn't get the whole conversation, but it went a little something, you know, like he he moved to like a completely regular question after that. And I said, oh, still can't get past that. I'll fight you part.

15:49 Oh, and then the next day he texts and said are you still upset at the I'll fight you part? Oh my. God and I I I just I was not engaging anymore and then he deleted me so I. OK, so I really hate when people do that. Like not just men, although usually that's who I'm interacting with. Yes, when people say are you still mad when they have not offered an apology? Or, or addressed it, yeah. Or been like oh I was so joking even though I put an anger emoji. But yeah. Like I feel like it would be so easy to be like, oh hey, I didn't mean anything. That was just a joke. Like you can believe him or not, but like not addressed, not apologized for, just are you still mad at me? Yeah. And in the space of a couple of sentences was like, I'll, I'll fight you and are you making fun of me two times?

16:35 That's so weird. OK, this guy has some insecurities. He's got some issues. This isn't someone you wanna mess around with. Nope at all. Some some mood mood problems there so. He's an Aries. Oh God, he's a flaming ram. Oh God, that, that is pretty wild. So. Get some help, Sir. Yes, get some therapy. Please click on the button and talk to someone. So the corpse guy as we've been referencing him. I'm excited. Let's end with the corpse. Guy. Yeah, we will. We will close out with this man who's in his 50s. OK, let's call him. There's no other names rhyme at this. Point.

17:18 But it's fine, you know, we're not really identifying anyone anyway, so just let her RIP. So Mister Man Yeah, he posted, which I've seen increasingly. It was an AI picture as his first one where he could, I mean, his physique is enhanced and I hate that you know it. It could be you could be like, OK, it worth a second look. OK, But then you notice it is AI. And so I scroll through and I'm like, whoa, that is a very different person on the next picture. So we did include both. That's great. But really everyone stop using AI in your profile period. Just stop it.

17:58 Because when they meet you in real life, they will know, yeah. Like like that's worse than using filters. Just stop. Because, you know, I think it's always nice when you meet somebody and you're like, oh, they're actually even cuter in real life. Oh, it's a nice surprise. Yes, I love that, because if you're. If you're swiping in somebody happy and then you show up and it's even better. Yeah, friggin bonus. Wonderful. Amazing. So I get to the third picture and this is where I become alarmed. So Mr. Mann, here in his 50s, is still figuring it out. Oh my God. Bless his heart and he has a close up selfie of himself with what appears to be a corpse. Yeah, let me see. Oh my God, that's definitely a dead person. Yeah.

18:41 So whether I mean, so many questions, right? Because he also appears to be sitting on his couch. So you're kind of like, OK, you know, this could be a couple of things. It could be AI again, right? Like clearly he's proficient and that, you know, looks a little off. It could be a mock up of his own face, although the nose is different. It could be a Halloween costume mask. That looks like a real maybe. That looks like a corpse though. Well, because how people look at open casket funerals after they've been like embalmed. There's stuff in the mouth, like there's a thing happening in the mouth. Oh my God. The other is, yeah, I don't like any of that. I know. Right. And again.

19:23 Sorry, could it maybe be at a Funeral Home? Don't they have couches there sometimes? Or is it to catch? Oh my God, did he do a selfie with a casket? I think you, I mean, that's kind of what it looks like to me. That could be, although he looks a little unkempt in the picture, which made me feel like it was couch just at home, but I you could be right. Well, as we know, a lot of men go out into public having not groomed themselves. For more information, see episode 2, Men Who Don't Use Soap and many episodes thereafter. You said that so politely. That was so gracious. So I mean just either way, so many questions and there was no bio but it's there was a little prompt perks of dating me never boring.

20:11 Wow, I would. Imagine it wouldn't be I. Guess that isn't boring and I'm going to call back to one more episode. So we talked about people who pose. Well, you talked about people who pose with their relatives in the ICU with tubes coming out of their body. Yeah. And now we've gone the distance. We've gone the distance and we are posing now with a literal corpse. So I think I'm gonna call this guy. You didn't give him a name, but I think we're gonna call him the final boss of Bummer Bill. I love it. That is a title that he earned. Yeah, and if you want more bummer profiles, go back to our Welcome to Bummerville Population U episode. We have no shortage of material. He would fit right in. Sadly.

20:52 Wow. So on that note. On that note, yeah, wow. OK, well, yet another amazing haul. Yes, there's just so many treats out there. So many. All right, friends, we'll come back at you next time. Take care. Take care and strengthen that marriage. Bye.