Salty Bite: The Key to His Heart

0:21 Hey everyone, welcome back to another salty bite. I'm Mel. And I'm Claire. And together we are the salty hose. O. Before we get into all the marvelous finds we've had on the apps this week, we want to share and remind you that exactly one week from today, we have a very exciting and important event coming up. Claire, what are we doing? I'm so excited we are presenting a paper at the 1st I believe annual, intended to be annual symposium on the real high spives of Salt Lake City with the Tanner Humanities at the University of Utah. So it is legit. Oh my God, I'm so excited. I hope it is an annual conference.

1:02 That would be so fun. Amazing because there's so much material. Yeah, and y'all, the program is lit. There are so many amazing people presenting from all over the country. Yeah, even globally, right aren't there, Yeah, people from Australia coming. I think so, yeah. Yeah. Like some really prestigious institutions, people are really excited. Like the buzz is high, the vibes are coming in. Like the vibes are awesome. We're going to have a great time. So we will be there. We will be presenting as the Salty host yes, we'll be presenting in the morning and tickets are free. So if you are free, yeah, on April 10th, please consider getting a ticket and coming to the Tanner Humanities Center at the University of Utah for this event, which.

1:47 I am so glad that to be reminded it's a Friday because apparently for the past like four months I've been believing it's on a Saturday, Friday the 10th. Friday the 10th Claire, where can people get tickets? They can go to Tanner Humanities or they could follow us on Instagram and we will put a link in bio and we'll also post about it a lot so. I love that even better. So friends, if you're not following us on Instagram, please go ahead and do that. Right now we are on Tiktok as well and we will share the link so that you can get your free tickets. I believe there's also bar trivia the night before. There is bar trivia the night before at Blue Jeans I believe.

2:28 Yeah, great place. So come have a a nice cocktail and participate in some Real Housewives bar trivia on Thursday evening, I think. Was that at 6:00 or 6:30 at something like that? Yeah, I believe 6 to 830. OK, perfect. But you should never trust me. For the time, yeah. All right, we'll come at six, get a drink, say hi to us. Yeah. It would not. It would not do any harm to be 1/2 hour early. Absolutely not. You're like. Claire, please start trying that strategy. I'll pick you up now. I'm just kidding. I'm joking. You know, we could travel together. That would be fine. It's it's all good. I'm so excited for it. It's gonna be. Great. It's gonna be great.

3:09 Hopefully we'll see some of you next week. At last I feel like salty because something to be proud of. Oh, there's plenty of things to be proud of. Many of them are cancelled out by the things we're not very proud of, but. Yeah, this is a good. One, yeah, it's gonna be fantastic. All right, So join us next week. We'll probably talk about it on the podcast afterwards, but come if you can. Yeah, it's gonna be a good day. All right, well, let's get into our salty bites. Now. We have an infinite number really of things to share from the apps. It's always the hardest part is really narrowing it down. Yeah. Or like picking a theme or yeah, or just something. I mean, there doesn't have to be a theme every time. Sometimes it just feels like they happen naturally, right? Like our Bummer Ville episode that was just, like, very organic where we saw all these, like, dark things the same week. Yeah.

4:01 But, you know, sometimes the theme is just. I can't believe they put that on a dating app. It's just like, wow, yeah, too good. Not. To share, Absolutely. All right, Well, let's go ahead. Claire, what do you have to share with us? Well, I just find like an interesting trend this week. And you know how sometimes on Bumble, there's like the Wii prompts where you know, you can answer a little, there's a question and they will, you know, provide a hopefully a, a quirky and entertaining, insightful answer to these prompts. But I think we both noticed that sometimes these prompts they they don't make any sense. So I just thought I would share a, a triple, triple fun here. Love it of just three different responses to what appears to be quite an easy prompt.

4:54 But so I know we vibe on a date. If so, that's. The prompt OK. Pretty simple. I know we vibe on a date if like, that's just it. Like that's just it. Yeah. Another prompt of value I'd love to share with a partner is so that's good. Revealing the inner character like our real mind. Plenty of ways you could go here, yes. So the answer to this particular prompt is Bonjour. Well, bonjour, yeah, OK. Hi. You know, French that's maybe there. It's an esoteric way of saying I would like to share my Francophile knowledge.

5:38 I think you're giving this person way too much. Credit and this person's possibly a bot. So yeah, seems like it I would suspect. Yeah, well, I'll, I'll round it off with this one. This one is more than one word, so we'll give. Credit well for credits. Due I'll never forget the time I stood up for myself. OK, so that just was interesting to me. You know, it's not particularly entertaining or it, but it's just like such an interesting response. Yeah, I mean, no details, first of all, and it sounds like there was only one time where they stood up for themselves. I just, I have so many questions. Maybe again, that's the hook.

6:21 Maybe they're like, you know, maybe she'll ask me about this. But given the way men tend to ask questions or not, that's probably not true. So. Well, I think we know the answer, and the answer is therapy, yeah. There should be like a tab on bumble. They should like. Partner with better help and just be. Like a 10. Percent discount. A little bundled subscription. Yeah, or access to high tier women if you sign up for therapy. Oh, man. Well, since you shared prompts, I've got a profile with some a stunning response to the Wii prompts. Yeah, so I love it. Well, let's call this person Randy. Randy is 50 years old. OK, nice round Number.

7:02 Old enough to know better, I'm thinking too. Yeah, all right. And Randy had two prompts that I'm going to share. OK, prompt #1 the hottest thing you can do is dot, dot dot. Randy says wear a little black. Dress our original. Yeah, sure. But kind of whatever. Sure, whatever. Yeah, blah. Just don't really take that either way. But then Randy follows this up immediately with a second prompt, which is the key to my heart is dot dot dot. You would never guess, but oh God, a key to Randy's heart is yeah, 4 words, Randy writes. Stomach full, balls empty. Oh dear God.

7:43 Wow, are you? Dry heaving in your mouth a little bit like I. Can't, I can't go on. I'm deleting all the apps. The fucking audacity. Oh my God, so Randy, I need to feed you and drain your balls everyday is what I'm hearing. So hot, Oh my God. I want to swipe right. To you I want to be single forever. That makes me want to be single forever. Like there's just like kind of no words to to that. Like how many times does this work for you, Randy? I give me I always say this but I hope zero. I really. Hope 0. Oh, nasty. Yeah, my God, I feel like I've whiplash.

8:25 That's like. OK, cool. All right. Well, can you whip your head back and share something else with us? I can, you know, I don't think I can beat that in the about me section, but this, this one just was so interesting to me. We've talked about other dating experiences and other episodes and, and, and why when you're presented with the time that you choose to share certain information over others. And so this person, I will give them that. They wrote quite substantial as in about 7 senses, but that constitutes substantial I think on the apps. Yeah, that's pretty. Good. Yeah, for their bio. So again, I'm going to read it with the the no punctuation. So I'm taking a big breath in, OK? Good luck, don't pass out.

9:10 OK, I want a great friend. If you're looking for excitement, travel, or anything other than chill music, movie, nerdy fandom, please swipe left. Period. Thankfully, deep breath. I am a non partisan, constitutional, post liberal, spiritual, LDS influence, heterosexual male. I'm fiercely loyal and supportive. I expect the same. What? So I'm like, do you expect the whole list? All of it. Because the heterosexual male, right? I'm like wrong apps Sir. Yeah, maybe uncheck the. Box the grinder's right there. Go use it. It just, it just seemed like an interesting combination of information too. Can you read those more slowly?

9:53 I really, I need a minute. I want to I want to dive into this a little more. So the nonpartisan so I suppose. That's good. Well, maybe it depends on what we mean by that. Like do we mean apolitical in that I don't pay attention or care about politics? Because that's a red. Flag too. That's a big red flag. Or do we mean that I'm disgusted with both political parties, which I am as well, one more than another, but but both of them are disgusting. Well but then how can you constitutional post liberal then? That sounds like a position, so I'm confused. Constitutional post liberal. Sounds like he's conservative, yeah. Or libertarian. But also post. Liberal used to be a Liberal, now I'm not a Liberal.

10:35 Yeah. But are they, do they mean in like the classical sense of the term or they like what are what are they? I don't know what they mean and how is that not there so. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Spiritual with an LDS influence. OK. And and heterosexual male looking for a heterosexual male. Please be the same. As all of these things. Wow. So yeah, that that was. Just like, that's kind of wild. Yeah, that was like, OK, that's, that's quite a list, Sir. And and I expect that. I don't know. I struggle with. I expect the same. You know, it depends on what they write. Like sometimes if it's something like, you know, I'm emotionally and financially secure, please be the same. Like I get that right or something like that but. It could also be inferred because like I feel like they're like ordering a sandwich.

11:25 Yeah, right. Pickles are no. Pickles. Add avocado please. Yeah, that'll be $4.00. OK, like. We'll get to that, Sir. We'll get to it. We don't. We don't need it. All up front. Oh boy. Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. What have? You got. Well, let's see. I think I'll read this one. This is a person I'm gonna call Rich. Rich is 41. His bio says he's looking for a long term but open to short. But that's immediately contradicted by his About Me bio. Yeah, OK, so about me leaving where I am in a few months. So here I am, a friend with benefits that comes with attitude, tacos, power tools, and a cabinet stocked full of liquor that always leads to good times, bad decisions, and memories that last a lifetime.

12:18 Oh, what a. What a smorgasbord. I know, right? Wow. I mean, at least I suppose that is very affront. OK, so despite him saying long term, it's clearly it's very clearly friends with benefits. But I do give him credit for being upfront about that because I really don't like a man that says I want long term but is actually just wanting to use people for sex. That and that is a thing. Yeah, and if that's what you want find, but be upfront. Yes, don't don't like try to sucker people in saying you're looking for a long term relationship. All right, so at least this is clear. However, the second paragraph. Oh God, there's more. Oh yeah, and I think you're going to find this oh, real fun. Rolling up my sleeves here, OK? Let's All right, here we go.

13:00 Redheads, Latinas and Hispanic women to the front of the line. Oh white girls, better check your mental illness before you approach me. I there so many layers. OK, well, all right. I don't. Have a response. To that, I mean, it's, it's quite something. I think my favorite part of that is, well, two favorite parts #1 redheads, yes, OK, wants redheads at the front of the line. Redheads aren't exclusively white women, but it's more likely. Than they would be yes. Yes, there seems to be some contradictions, or at least.

13:41 Yeah, that melanocortin 1R receptor mutation that gives you red hair. It's much more prevalent in white population, Sir. Yeah, now I realize you can dye your hair too, but of course, you know, but. Yeah, it just. It's a odd list of categories generally, but some of them don't seem to work together. Yeah, I also like that he distinguishes Latinas and Hispanic women. Yes, two separate categories somehow. Oh my goodness. Just wow. Yes, my God, yes, this is, this is one of those salty bites where I just leave feeling a little despondent where you're just like, like, what even is this? What? What is? How? What are we doing? What are we all doing here?

14:23 Come on now. Just like a little bit speechless, but. Yeah, little bit. He was being very clear on his preferences. Yep, that's. True, I've never done that. Have you like listed? You know? Like physical preferences I want or like a race that I well no, because I don't have a preference there. Well, yeah. Or just like. A a criteria list. Oh yeah, no. Yeah, like that. I don't those feel like me things to be discovered. I mean, you can know some things up ahead of time, but you know what I mean? Like I feel like the. About me is about me, right? Yeah, it's not about what I want from you to be. That's right. Maybe Bumble needs to add another section that is called a bite you a bite me.

15:09 Exactly. Apparently that's how a lot of these men read it, though. Cuz yeah, maybe an algorithm could really go to time on that. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, good. Stuff that's amazing. Well. Here we are again. Here we are again. Here we are again. Once again. No. Dates. No dates. Both of us. Had a hope of a date, maybe there'll still be. Dates, but we'll see if they materialize. Who knows, We'll keep you posted. I'll share the details. All right, well, we're going to sign off. Please check out our Instagram and the link in bio and if you can sign up for our event next week, we'd love to see you. We would indeed have a wonderful weekend. All right, we'll see you next time. Bye, Bye. Bye.