April 3, 2026

Salty Bite: The Key to His Heart

Salty Bite: The Key to His Heart

Ting Ting Ting! We have an announcement to make. Join us April 10 for the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Symposium at the Tanner Humanities Center.

Also, tune in to hear some unhinged bios from our dating app adventures. You'll never guess what the key to Randy's heart is!

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Hey everyone, welcome back to
another salty bite.

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I'm Mel.
And I'm Claire.

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And together we are the salty
hose.

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O.
Before we get into all the

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marvelous finds we've had on the
apps this week, we want to share

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and remind you that exactly one
week from today, we have a very

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exciting and important event
coming up.

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Claire, what are we doing?
I'm so excited we are presenting

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a paper at the 1st I believe
annual, intended to be annual

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symposium on the real high
spives of Salt Lake City with

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the Tanner Humanities at the
University of Utah.

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So it is legit.
Oh my God, I'm so excited.

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I hope it is an annual
conference.

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That would be so fun.
Amazing because there's so much

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material.
Yeah, and y'all, the program is

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lit.
There are so many amazing people

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presenting from all over the
country.

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Yeah, even globally, right
aren't there, Yeah, people from

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Australia coming.
I think so, yeah.

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Yeah.
Like some really prestigious

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institutions, people are really
excited.

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Like the buzz is high, the vibes
are coming in.

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Like the vibes are awesome.
We're going to have a great

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time.
So we will be there.

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We will be presenting as the
Salty host yes, we'll be

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presenting in the morning and
tickets are free.

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So if you are free, yeah, on
April 10th, please consider

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getting a ticket and coming to
the Tanner Humanities Center at

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the University of Utah for this
event, which.

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I am so glad that to be reminded
it's a Friday because apparently

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for the past like four months
I've been believing it's on a

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Saturday, Friday the 10th.
Friday the 10th Claire, where

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can people get tickets?
They can go to Tanner Humanities

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or they could follow us on
Instagram and we will put a link

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in bio and we'll also post about
it a lot so.

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I love that even better.
So friends, if you're not

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following us on Instagram,
please go ahead and do that.

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Right now we are on Tiktok as
well and we will share the link

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so that you can get your free
tickets.

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I believe there's also bar
trivia the night before.

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There is bar trivia the night
before at Blue Jeans I believe.

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Yeah, great place.
So come have a a nice cocktail

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and participate in some Real
Housewives bar trivia on

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Thursday evening, I think.
Was that at 6:00 or 6:30 at

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something like that?
Yeah, I believe 6 to 830.

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OK, perfect.
But you should never trust me.

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For the time, yeah.
All right, we'll come at six,

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get a drink, say hi to us.
Yeah.

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It would not.
It would not do any harm to be

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1/2 hour early.
Absolutely not.

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You're like.
Claire, please start trying that

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strategy.
I'll pick you up now.

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I'm just kidding.
I'm joking.

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You know, we could travel
together.

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That would be fine.
It's it's all good.

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I'm so excited for it.
It's gonna be.

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Great.
It's gonna be great.

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Hopefully we'll see some of you
next week.

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At last I feel like salty
because something to be proud

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of.
Oh, there's plenty of things to

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be proud of.
Many of them are cancelled out

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by the things we're not very
proud of, but.

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Yeah, this is a good.
One, yeah, it's gonna be

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fantastic.
All right, So join us next week.

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We'll probably talk about it on
the podcast afterwards, but come

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if you can.
Yeah, it's gonna be a good day.

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All right, well, let's get into
our salty bites.

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Now.
We have an infinite number

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really of things to share from
the apps.

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It's always the hardest part is
really narrowing it down.

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Yeah.
Or like picking a theme or yeah,

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or just something.
I mean, there doesn't have to be

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a theme every time.
Sometimes it just feels like

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they happen naturally, right?
Like our Bummer Ville episode

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that was just, like, very
organic where we saw all these,

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like, dark things the same week.
Yeah.

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But, you know, sometimes the
theme is just.

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I can't believe they put that on
a dating app.

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It's just like, wow, yeah, too
good.

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Not.
To share, Absolutely.

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All right, Well, let's go ahead.
Claire, what do you have to

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share with us?
Well, I just find like an

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interesting trend this week.
And you know how sometimes on

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Bumble, there's like the Wii
prompts where you know, you can

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answer a little, there's a
question and they will, you

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know, provide a hopefully a, a
quirky and entertaining,

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insightful answer to these
prompts.

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But I think we both noticed that
sometimes these prompts they

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they don't make any sense.
So I just thought I would share

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a, a triple, triple fun here.
Love it of just three different

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responses to what appears to be
quite an easy prompt.

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But so I know we vibe on a date.
If so, that's.

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The prompt OK.
Pretty simple.

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I know we vibe on a date if
like, that's just it.

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Like that's just it.
Yeah.

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Another prompt of value I'd love
to share with a partner is so

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that's good.
Revealing the inner character

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like our real mind.
Plenty of ways you could go

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here, yes.
So the answer to this particular

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prompt is Bonjour.
Well, bonjour, yeah, OK.

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Hi.
You know, French that's maybe

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there.
It's an esoteric way of saying I

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would like to share my
Francophile knowledge.

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I think you're giving this
person way too much.

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Credit and this person's
possibly a bot.

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So yeah, seems like it I would
suspect.

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Yeah, well, I'll, I'll round it
off with this one.

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This one is more than one word,
so we'll give.

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Credit well for credits.
Due I'll never forget the time I

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stood up for myself.
OK, so that just was interesting

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to me.
You know, it's not particularly

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entertaining or it, but it's
just like such an interesting

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response.
Yeah, I mean, no details, first

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of all, and it sounds like there
was only one time where they

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stood up for themselves.
I just, I have so many

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questions.
Maybe again, that's the hook.

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Maybe they're like, you know,
maybe she'll ask me about this.

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But given the way men tend to
ask questions or not, that's

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probably not true.
So.

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Well, I think we know the
answer, and the answer is

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therapy, yeah.
There should be like a tab on

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bumble.
They should like.

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Partner with better help and
just be.

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Like a 10.
Percent discount.

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A little bundled subscription.
Yeah, or access to high tier

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women if you sign up for
therapy.

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Oh, man.
Well, since you shared prompts,

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I've got a profile with some a
stunning response to the Wii

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prompts.
Yeah, so I love it.

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Well, let's call this person
Randy.

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Randy is 50 years old.
OK, nice round Number.

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Old enough to know better, I'm
thinking too.

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Yeah, all right.
And Randy had two prompts that

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I'm going to share.
OK, prompt #1 the hottest thing

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you can do is dot, dot dot.
Randy says wear a little black.

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Dress our original.
Yeah, sure.

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But kind of whatever.
Sure, whatever.

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Yeah, blah.
Just don't really take that

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either way.
But then Randy follows this up

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immediately with a second
prompt, which is the key to my

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heart is dot dot dot.
You would never guess, but oh

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God, a key to Randy's heart is
yeah, 4 words, Randy writes.

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Stomach full, balls empty.
Oh dear God.

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Wow, are you?
Dry heaving in your mouth a

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little bit like I.
Can't, I can't go on.

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I'm deleting all the apps.
The fucking audacity.

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Oh my God, so Randy, I need to
feed you and drain your balls

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everyday is what I'm hearing.
So hot, Oh my God.

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I want to swipe right.
To you I want to be single

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forever.
That makes me want to be single

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forever.
Like there's just like kind of

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no words to to that.
Like how many times does this

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work for you, Randy?
I give me I always say this but

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I hope zero.
I really.

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Hope 0.
Oh, nasty.

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Yeah, my God, I feel like I've
whiplash.

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That's like.
OK, cool.

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All right.
Well, can you whip your head

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back and share something else
with us?

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I can, you know, I don't think I
can beat that in the about me

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section, but this, this one just
was so interesting to me.

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We've talked about other dating
experiences and other episodes

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and, and, and why when you're
presented with the time that you

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choose to share certain
information over others.

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And so this person, I will give
them that.

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They wrote quite substantial as
in about 7 senses, but that

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constitutes substantial I think
on the apps.

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00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:01,960
Yeah, that's pretty.
Good.

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00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:06,000
Yeah, for their bio.
So again, I'm going to read it

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with the the no punctuation.
So I'm taking a big breath in,

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OK?
Good luck, don't pass out.

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OK, I want a great friend.
If you're looking for

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excitement, travel, or anything
other than chill music, movie,

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nerdy fandom, please swipe left.
Period.

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Thankfully, deep breath.
I am a non partisan,

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constitutional, post liberal,
spiritual, LDS influence,

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heterosexual male.
I'm fiercely loyal and

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supportive.
I expect the same.

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What?
So I'm like, do you expect the

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whole list?
All of it.

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Because the heterosexual male,
right?

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I'm like wrong apps Sir.
Yeah, maybe uncheck the.

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Box the grinder's right there.
Go use it.

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It just, it just seemed like an
interesting combination of

185
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information too.
Can you read those more slowly?

186
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,960
I really, I need a minute.
I want to I want to dive into

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this a little more.
So the nonpartisan so I suppose.

188
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,840
That's good.
Well, maybe it depends on what

189
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we mean by that.
Like do we mean apolitical in

190
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,880
that I don't pay attention or
care about politics?

191
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,080
Because that's a red.
Flag too.

192
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,520
That's a big red flag.
Or do we mean that I'm disgusted

193
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,640
with both political parties,
which I am as well, one more

194
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,480
than another, but but both of
them are disgusting.

195
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:24,720
Well but then how can you
constitutional post liberal

196
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,360
then?
That sounds like a position, so

197
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,000
I'm confused.
Constitutional post liberal.

198
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,960
Sounds like he's conservative,
yeah.

199
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,800
Or libertarian.
But also post.

200
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,920
Liberal used to be a Liberal,
now I'm not a Liberal.

201
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,520
Yeah.
But are they, do they mean in

202
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:42,640
like the classical sense of the
term or they like what are what

203
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,560
are they?
I don't know what they mean and

204
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,560
how is that not there so.
Yeah.

205
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,080
Weird.
Yeah.

206
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,080
Spiritual with an LDS influence.
OK.

207
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,080
And and heterosexual male
looking for a heterosexual male.

208
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,320
Please be the same.
As all of these things.

209
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,400
Wow.
So yeah, that that was.

210
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,360
Just like, that's kind of wild.
Yeah, that was like, OK, that's,

211
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,320
that's quite a list, Sir.
And and I expect that.

212
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,480
I don't know.
I struggle with.

213
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,120
I expect the same.
You know, it depends on what

214
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,960
they write.
Like sometimes if it's something

215
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:16,960
like, you know, I'm emotionally
and financially secure, please

216
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,400
be the same.
Like I get that right or

217
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,720
something like that but.
It could also be inferred

218
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,680
because like I feel like they're
like ordering a sandwich.

219
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,680
Yeah, right.
Pickles are no.

220
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,120
Pickles.
Add avocado please.

221
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,880
Yeah, that'll be $4.00.
OK, like.

222
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,160
We'll get to that, Sir.
We'll get to it.

223
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,640
We don't.
We don't need it.

224
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,600
All up front.
Oh boy.

225
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,920
Beautiful.
Yeah.

226
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,000
Yeah.
What have?

227
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,280
You got.
Well, let's see.

228
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I think I'll read this one.
This is a person I'm gonna call

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Rich.
Rich is 41.

230
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His bio says he's looking for a
long term but open to short.

231
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,480
But that's immediately
contradicted by his About Me

232
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,240
bio.
Yeah, OK, so about me leaving

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00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,640
where I am in a few months.
So here I am, a friend with

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00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:10,720
benefits that comes with
attitude, tacos, power tools,

235
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,080
and a cabinet stocked full of
liquor that always leads to good

236
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,600
times, bad decisions, and
memories that last a lifetime.

237
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,360
Oh, what a.
What a smorgasbord.

238
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,520
I know, right?
Wow.

239
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,720
I mean, at least I suppose that
is very affront.

240
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,440
OK, so despite him saying long
term, it's clearly it's very

241
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,120
clearly friends with benefits.
But I do give him credit for

242
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,200
being upfront about that because
I really don't like a man that

243
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,400
says I want long term but is
actually just wanting to use

244
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,240
people for sex.
That and that is a thing.

245
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,880
Yeah, and if that's what you
want find, but be upfront.

246
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,360
Yes, don't don't like try to
sucker people in saying you're

247
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,880
looking for a long term
relationship.

248
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,560
All right, so at least this is
clear.

249
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,000
However, the second paragraph.
Oh God, there's more.

250
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,200
Oh yeah, and I think you're
going to find this oh, real fun.

251
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,200
Rolling up my sleeves here, OK?
Let's All right, here we go.

252
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,960
Redheads, Latinas and Hispanic
women to the front of the line.

253
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,160
Oh white girls, better check
your mental illness before you

254
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:15,600
approach me.
I there so many layers.

255
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:21,920
OK, well, all right.
I don't.

256
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,720
Have a response.
To that, I mean, it's, it's

257
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,720
quite something.
I think my favorite part of that

258
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,880
is, well, two favorite parts #1
redheads, yes, OK, wants

259
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,160
redheads at the front of the
line.

260
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,400
Redheads aren't exclusively
white women, but it's more

261
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,360
likely.
Than they would be yes.

262
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,120
Yes, there seems to be some
contradictions, or at least.

263
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,400
Yeah, that melanocortin 1R
receptor mutation that gives you

264
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,040
red hair.
It's much more prevalent in

265
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,600
white population, Sir.
Yeah, now I realize you can dye

266
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,040
your hair too, but of course,
you know, but.

267
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,800
Yeah, it just.
It's a odd list of categories

268
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,440
generally, but some of them
don't seem to work together.

269
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,240
Yeah, I also like that he
distinguishes Latinas and

270
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,520
Hispanic women.
Yes, two separate categories

271
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,600
somehow.
Oh my goodness.

272
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:12,800
Just wow.
Yes, my God, yes, this is, this

273
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,080
is one of those salty bites
where I just leave feeling a

274
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,720
little despondent where you're
just like, like, what even is

275
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:19,520
this?
What?

276
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,080
What is?
How?

277
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,320
What are we doing?
What are we all doing here?

278
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,640
Come on now.
Just like a little bit

279
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,240
speechless, but.
Yeah, little bit.

280
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,520
He was being very clear on his
preferences.

281
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,520
Yep, that's.
True, I've never done that.

282
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,680
Have you like listed?
You know?

283
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,360
Like physical preferences I want
or like a race that I well no,

284
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,560
because I don't have a
preference there.

285
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:44,960
Well, yeah.
Or just like.

286
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,480
A a criteria list.
Oh yeah, no.

287
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,760
Yeah, like that.
I don't those feel like me

288
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,000
things to be discovered.
I mean, you can know some things

289
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,320
up ahead of time, but you know
what I mean?

290
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,000
Like I feel like the.
About me is about me, right?

291
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,520
Yeah, it's not about what I want
from you to be.

292
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,880
That's right.
Maybe Bumble needs to add

293
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,880
another section that is called a
bite you a bite me.

294
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,160
Exactly.
Apparently that's how a lot of

295
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,600
these men read it, though.
Cuz yeah, maybe an algorithm

296
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:19,000
could really go to time on that.
Maybe.

297
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,520
I don't know.
Yeah, good.

298
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,360
Stuff that's amazing.
Well.

299
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,680
Here we are again.
Here we are again.

300
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:26,840
Here we are again.
Once again.

301
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,440
No.
Dates.

302
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,120
No dates.
Both of us.

303
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,000
Had a hope of a date, maybe
there'll still be.

304
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,120
Dates, but we'll see if they
materialize.

305
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,560
Who knows, We'll keep you
posted.

306
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,440
I'll share the details.
All right, well, we're going to

307
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,320
sign off.
Please check out our Instagram

308
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,560
and the link in bio and if you
can sign up for our event next

309
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,600
week, we'd love to see you.
We would indeed have a wonderful

310
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,840
weekend.
All right, we'll see you next

311
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:49,440
time.
Bye, Bye.

312
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:49,880
Bye.