Salty Bite: Delulu

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Hello everybody, and welcome
back to another Salty Bite.

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I'm.
Claire and I'm Mel.

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And together we are the salty
hose.

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So today we thought we would
discuss what we see often.

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And what I'm sure you all see
often are delulu profiles.

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So Mel, tell us.
Tell us what we mean by delulu.

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Well, I think there's a lot of
ways that these men can be

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delulu.
First of all, there is sort of

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the phenomenon of them swiping
on anything and everything.

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I think that in and of itself is
delulu.

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Rather than looking at a profile
and seeing, hey, do I match this

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person?
Am I in the same range of

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attractiveness perhaps?
Yeah.

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No, I think a lot of them just
sort of swipe on everything.

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So that's one way of being
delulu.

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But we tend to see a lot of
delulu in the BIOS and the

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prompts ranging anywhere from
overestimating their own

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attractiveness by several
degrees of magnitude.

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I would.
Say so kind.

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You're being so kind, Yeah.
Everything from that to just

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straight out like crazy town,
yes.

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We we have experienced a lot of
of crazy time on the apps.

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That is definitely for sure.
So so give us your best to Lulu

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you came across.
This, well, I don't know if it's

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my best one, but I do have one
to share to start with.

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So this is Adam is the name I'm
giving him.

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OK Adam.
Adam is 46.

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Cool.
Adam, I would say, and this is

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relevant to the profile.
Not trying to like diss on

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anyone here.
Adam is, I would say an average

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looking guy, average to maybe a
little below yes.

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He's what I'm saying here is
he's not super hot.

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He's not gorgeous.
There's nothing wrong with Adam

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looking at his pictures.
Certainly you know a passable

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person.
Adam is looking for short term

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fun.
Oh wow.

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Yes, of course, because at 46 I
would imagine.

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And let me read the bio now.
Maybe he's trying to be funny

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here, or maybe it's just pure de
Lulu, but in the absence of

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literally any other information,
I don't really know which it is.

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OK, well, give it to us.
OK, so let me redo the.

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Bio I can't.
Wait, and once again, no

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prompts.
So this is literally everything

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that this man has written.
It's just sort.

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Of his own we head.
Yes, about me.

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I love Jennifer Aniston.
Change my mind.

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Yes, I dream big.
Oh, and capitals.

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All caps Wow, I have a chance.
If she only knew I existed.

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OK.
That's the whole thing.

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That that was it.
Yeah, that's it for a dating

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profile.
The whole bio.

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Let me show you his picture.
Do you think this man could pull

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a Jennifer Aniston?
M you know, I don't maybe think

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he's her type based on who she's
dated in the past, but you know,

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maybe he's him with a chance.
We just need to broker a

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meeting.
Apparently that's.

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So kind of you, if anybody.
'S out there.

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Yeah, if anyone knows Jennifer,
there's a man on Tinder that

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would like to meet her.
Wow.

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OK, cool.
Also a really interesting thing

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to say when you are trying to
meet a woman.

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Yes, you know, like it's an
interesting thing not only to

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lead with, but just to have as
your only piece of information

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on your dating profile.
I mean, clearly you're already

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#2 in this man's life.
Right.

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I mean, do you have to go get
like that friend's haircut from

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the 90s with all like the
choppy, you know, you know that,

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Jennifer, I see a haircut that
everybody had.

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I mean, to be fair, it's a cute
haircut.

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It's it's and she is very cute,
beautiful a fine wine a.

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Beautiful woman age.
But.

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Yes, we should all be so lucky.
Yes.

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Maybe we need to find out who
does Jennifer's work.

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Oh yes.
Cuz it's very good.

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Yes, cuz it yeah, it doesn't
look like some of the work that

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we've seen, but you know, for
this guy, I don't know.

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I don't know that I'd lead with
that on a dating profile.

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Yeah, my celebrity crush.
Also worth noting, he spelled

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Jennifer wrong.
Oh God.

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Oh.
My God, that that's just the

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cherry on the.
Top.

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Isn't that beautiful?
That is a beautiful thing.

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OK, what have you got for me?
OK, well, I have Evan.

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Evan, All right.
Evan, who is 51 and it starts

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off, there's just like multiple
layers of delulu, I think in

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this.
I love it.

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Let's peel them back.
Let's.

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Peel them back and and I will
give Evan this.

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He mostly has like, like it's
set up well, he has.

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Paragraphs.
Oh, OK.

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But he also does have periods at
the start of sentences so will

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not give him too much credit.
OK, so partial credit for at

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least trying to use the
conventions of grammatical

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English, Yes.
OK, great.

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And he was going for, like,
short, punchy paragraphs.

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So it sounds like at the start
we're getting a bit deep, Evan

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says.
I walk around like everything is

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fine, but deep down inside my
shoe, my sock is sliding off.

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Oh.
God.

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So we're starting with a dad.
Joke.

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Wow.
Yes, and, and it gets better

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slash worse.
Period.

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There's a period at the start of
the sentence.

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Maybe he's going for some kind
of poetry thing, I don't know.

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So laid back.
I need to lean forward.

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Oh my.
God so Evan's a self-proclaimed

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chill guy.
Next paragraph will make you

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laugh O purpose and by.
Accident O purpose O purpose.

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Is that an Irish name, Claire?
O purpose, Mr. O Purpose.

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Mike O Purpose.
Yeah, I think he just meant to

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say on so he should do a wee bit
of proofreading and this this

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line confuses me, but I guess I
can see where he's going.

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But he says in time for the
week.

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Because I live.
Here.

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OK, I'm going to give him that,
I laughed.

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I'm.
Like, OK, right, Nicknamed the

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fireman.
Mostly because I turn the hose

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on.
Oh.

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Yeah, OK.
Yep.

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So only two more paragraphs to
go.

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Don't worry, I'm just here to
find Missus Wright.

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Hey, Missus Wright, Remember Me
from 5th grade?

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Oh.
Yeah, don't like that.

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So not sure if that's like a
creepy child crush reference or

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maybe his teacher was called
Missus Wright.

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Either way, I'm not a fan.
Yeah.

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Not a fan.
Not the police.

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OK.
Are you ready?

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I think you'll like this last
one.

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I'm ready.
I practice C of sex, meaning I

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tie you to the bed so you don't
fall off.

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Wow.
Yeah, he maybe googled some of

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those.
I I don't know.

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Definitely, Yeah.
You know, and I have seen

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profiles before that are made-up
entirely of dad jokes.

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Yeah, we could probably do a
whole episode.

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We should do a dad.
A dad, I almost said.

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A dad job?
A dad job A.

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Dad job daddy.
Sorry, yes, a dad joke.

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Salty bites, definitely.
Now I want to know so badly what

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you mean by a dad job.
You said that in such a sexy

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voice.
I felt like you had something in

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mind.
You know I don't, but we could

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explore that at another.
Time.

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OK, I like it.
That'll be a different,

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different episode.
Different episode.

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So who have you got?
OK, well, I have someone else

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who is Larry.
Larry is 45.

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Larry is one of our ethical non
monogamy polyamory friends.

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OK, yeah.
Of which there are many on the

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apps, Yes, we'll talk about that
at some other point, I think in

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more detail.
Like a whole episode because

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we've noticed some themes.
Yeah, for sure.

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But let me read this bio.
And this one I feel like is

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delulu because this is one of
those profiles that has a long

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list of very specific demands.
You know what I'm talking about

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the.
Demanding ones, yes.

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Yes, yes.
All right, so let's get into

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Larry's list of demands.
All right about me.

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Must not be loud, obnoxious, a
man hater, angry inside, I mean.

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So it's off to a great start
already, right?

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Well, and it's just so amazing
that it's under the About me

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section.
Oh yeah, it's really about you,

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Yeah.
Like and it's like these are

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wildly.
Specific, yeah, it goes on with

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the must nots.
OK, so must not unable to have a

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conversation about a sport and
anime a business and then in

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parentheses willing to teach if
need be.

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Oh so kind.
So kind, right?

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He's willing to teach you how to
converse about a sport and anime

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or a business.
I.

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Wonder is there a business that
could combine sport and anime?

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Oh, probably.
Maybe if you lead with that

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line, you'd be on to a winner or
he'd be really upset because you

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don't know what you're talking
about, according to his.

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According to him, I'm sure.
Oh.

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My God.
Yeah.

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All right.
Bizarre.

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OK, there's more.
Oh, God.

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Oh, don't worry.
Oh my.

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God.
OK, bracing.

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To quote Halo and or my son.
Oh but wait, it gets worse.

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OK, next sentence must be
feminine, caring, careful but

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spontaneous.
OK, able and willing to bring

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joy to others.
Mother Teresa?

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I don't know.
Soft spoken OK Freaky in bed OK.

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So soft spoken in real life and
then.

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Freaky in bed?
Yeah.

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Freak with me anywhere.
OK, so we're we're looking a

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little bit of an exhibitionist
here.

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I guess so, but also you have to
be very feminine and careful and

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willing to bring joy to others
and soft spoken So threesome

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maybe?
Joy to others.

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Ossibly, I don't know yeah it's
not really giving like hot wife

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cuck vibes but no yeah but maybe
I mean it is the ethical non

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monogamy thing yeah so who knows
possible anything's possible OK,

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let's get to my very favorite
requirement in this profile

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he's.
Still going.

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Oh no, this is amazing, this is
amazing.

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OK, ready.
Must know what a claymore is if

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not willing to learn.
OK, do you know what a claymore

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00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,680
is?
Well, I think I know what a

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claymore is, and if there's two
meanings, I'm only aware of one.

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00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,520
I thought a claymore was a
weapon like a sword.

205
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,040
Huh.
Isn't it like A2 handed sword or

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something?
You know, I can't say that my

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00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,040
sword knowledge is up broad, so
I don't know, but I'm willing to

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learn.
I'm willing to learn too.

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Maybe we're in.
With a chance.

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Oh my God.
I feel like he would probably

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find us to be obnoxious and not
very soft spoken though.

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And man.
Haters.

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00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,920
Yeah, and man haters.
Well, not all men.

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00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,280
We don't hate all men.
Hashtag.

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00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,840
Not all men, yes.
All right, lastly.

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00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,040
Oh God, and there's.
More.

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00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:42,200
There's more.
Must be willing to follow and be

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00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,880
cooperative.
Oh God, that's such a turn on

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right there.
Yeah, this is no one.

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God, he didn't say it, but this
is clearly one of these

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self-described alpha males.
Yeah.

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00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:57,760
And then last line more
importantly, Oh be pretty.

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So all of that other exhausted
like I need a nap.

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00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:10,800
That's like an exhaustive list
but but regardless, even if I am

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a claymore champion of the
world, knowing anime and a

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sport, I must be pretty.
And a business.

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00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,280
And a business well.
You are pretty so I feel like

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you hit most of these points.
That's that's so lovely of you.

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00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,000
I do get a feeling though, that
this man may not think.

230
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,640
I have the feeling neither of us
is submissive enough for this

231
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:32,160
man.
Yes.

232
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,480
Yes, yeah.
Yeah, so delulu, right?

233
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,760
Like.
Multiple layers of delulu.

234
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,640
Yeah, what a list.
What a catch, right?

235
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,560
God so much.
And again, not to like shit on

236
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:49,160
anyone's appearance, but this.
From what I can see of the

237
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,800
pictures, this man is not in the
position to demand this lengthy

238
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,640
list of requirements.
You know, I see a correlation

239
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:57,720
with that.
Yeah.

240
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,080
Like there's a definite
correlation where you're like,

241
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:05,760
oh, who is this stallion?
Oh, wait, like Shetland pony?

242
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,320
Like, yeah, it's.
You know, it's never the ones

243
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,280
that I'm like, Oh my God,
they're super hot that have

244
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,240
these long lists of demands.
Yeah, never.

245
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,880
I've not seen that, no.
Wow.

246
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:23,680
Well, I think in keeping with
that theme, I find a guy, let's

247
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,160
call him Landon.
Landon.

248
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,120
Landon and Landon is in his 50s
and looking for short term fun.

249
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,840
Oh God.
Only for a wee minute because

250
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,760
he's just in the area for two
nights.

251
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,800
Oh, that is very short term.
Yes.

252
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,280
Do you see that sometimes like
people would be like, I'm in the

253
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,600
area?
Yeah, for the weekend, yes.

254
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,360
So that that happens.
I always wonder how many matches

255
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,480
they get with that.
I don't know.

256
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,840
I wonder if people are into
that.

257
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,800
I don't know, I feel like more
men than women are willing to do

258
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,720
these really quick hookups.
Yeah, not because they have a

259
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,360
higher sex drive, but because,
as we've discussed before,

260
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:04,000
safety is an issue.
Yes, that is, that is fair.

261
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,680
So yeah, I don't know, I I would
be a hard pass.

262
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:12,120
Yeah, yeah.
But this guy has gone a similar

263
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:16,960
route where it's like passive
aggressive or just aggressive

264
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,440
where you know, he's, he's
stealing something he wants, but

265
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,080
his disbelief, it doesn't exist.
So I'll just read it.

266
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,200
Women say they want upfront and
honest.

267
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,800
Let's test that.
Oh my God.

268
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,480
So it's a test.
I hate him.

269
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,960
Already, Yeah, first sentence
I'm only available for a casual

270
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:38,920
lover, friend, dynamic that can
in write and that can enrich

271
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,520
life some interesting
composition.

272
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,640
There, that's.
Why I got a little tongue tied?

273
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,000
I'd.
Literally fall off my chair.

274
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:52,240
If such a woman exists, would be
nice to be.

275
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,320
Surprised.
God, yeah.

276
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,080
What, like, what would you call
that when they already

277
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,800
expressed, like disappointment
in you as a hook to like, Yeah.

278
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,520
Yeah, like, again, I don't think
it's nagging, but it's like

279
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,160
nagging adjacent, right?
Yeah.

280
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,640
It's like, I'm going to put you
down and then I want you to

281
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,600
like, yeah, do whatever you can
to prove me wrong.

282
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,120
Like he said, big.
Effort mode like.

283
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,760
Something like that.
Something.

284
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,600
Wow, yeah.
What a prize.

285
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,280
Thank God he was only here for
two nights.

286
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:26,400
Hope he's gone now.
Please don't come back, Landon.

287
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,120
Yeah.
Landon, I'm sorry for the women.

288
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,720
Wherever you live, Yeah.
You got any more?

289
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,440
I got one more and I think we
have time just to wrap it up.

290
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,880
Give us a wee delulu.
OK, here's just a quick delulu.

291
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,560
So this is Ryan.
Ryan is 42.

292
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,560
Ryan is looking for a short
term, but he is open to long.

293
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,280
Oh bless.
And let me redo Ryan's entire

294
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,000
bio about me.
You get what you give, period.

295
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,080
Want something fun and exciting?
Be genuine.

296
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,160
Want me to be a douchebag?
Be a cunt.

297
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,840
Oh wow.
OK.

298
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,320
Yeah.
So he's very responsive is what

299
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,600
we're hearing.
Yeah, Ryan's one of those

300
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,000
matching energy types of people,
I guess.

301
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,160
Yeah.
Wow, right.

302
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,600
I mean, I would say you're being
a douchebag, right?

303
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,080
Right here, right now, right by.
Going in with the cunt, right?

304
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,120
Out of the gate, Right out of
the gate, it's up to you.

305
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,440
Kissy face emoji.
Oh bless.

306
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,840
Oh and please stop thinking
you're a serial killers wet

307
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,960
dream, you're not that special.
Cheers.

308
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:39,720
My God, okay.
So either.

309
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:44,480
Is Ryan a serial killer?
That's, you know, because it

310
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,360
sounds like he may have been
accused of that in the past.

311
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,160
Here's my hypothesis about Ryan.
Tell me.

312
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,000
My hypothesis is, well, do you
ever match with those guys who

313
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,600
get really, really pushy about
you giving them your number

314
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,360
right off the bat?
Like when you've exchanged about

315
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,680
3 messages and they're like,
what's your number?

316
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,040
Give me your number, What's your
number?

317
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:09,040
Yeah.
And you know, I, I don't give it

318
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:14,119
out after like 2 minutes, no.
I generally I may have once or

319
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,480
twice, but typically it's a hard
pass.

320
00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:20,560
Yeah, same.
I usually wait until we've met

321
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,960
in person.
Yes, that's kind of usually my

322
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,160
standard.
No, I sometimes like you.

323
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,760
I've given it out before when I
feel.

324
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:31,200
Like good vibes or like you've
seen them before match before or

325
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,360
something?
Yeah, we've been texting back

326
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:37,240
and forth on that app for a
little while and maybe I've

327
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,160
checked and seen that he is who
he says he is.

328
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,960
I usually don't Google people
that early either, but sometimes

329
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,760
if you have a more lengthy
conversation, I have done it.

330
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,160
But yeah, so I think this is a
guy that's really pushy about

331
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,520
getting people's numbers.
Probably like you'd say hi and

332
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:51,840
he'd be like.
What's your number?

333
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:52,800
Give me your number.
Yeah.

334
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,480
Where's your address?
Or maybe he's pushing to meet

335
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,400
women in a location that isn't
public.

336
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,920
Yeah, that could be too.
That could.

337
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,640
Be a thing too.
It's just such an interesting

338
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,320
approach.
I love how I like at the end

339
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,040
before the really like, crappy
line, he said.

340
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,960
Oh.
Yeah, 00 and please stop

341
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,000
thinking you're a serial
killer's wet dream.

342
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:18,200
Just such a weird thing to say.
Isn't that insane?

343
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,120
Delulu.
Truly delulu.

344
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,720
Delulu with a side of I do not
respect women at all.

345
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,480
Yeah, it's like how to say you
don't respect women without

346
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,680
saying I.
Don't respect women like.

347
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,960
You're not cute enough to be a
serial killer's wet dream.

348
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,520
Oh my God.
Wow, isn't that wild.

349
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,760
I just, I've said this before, I
just would love to know has that

350
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,560
ever worked?
I hope not.

351
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,000
Please God no women.
Please don't swipe on Ryan.

352
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,920
Don't, don't.
I mean, I know that the pickings

353
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,280
are slim, but like we don't, we
don't need to go.

354
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,000
There no.
Wow.

355
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,440
Well, another another great
week.

356
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,000
I think we're ending these more
and.

357
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,600
More despondent as the weeks go
on.

358
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,640
We're just like.
Oh man, maybe we should start

359
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,680
including a good profile.
Is a palate cleanser now and

360
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,320
then?
Like to be a green?

361
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,840
Flag a green flag episode or
something?

362
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,240
Oh, I love that idea.
Yeah, because like, even if, you

363
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,920
know, you see some people and
you're like, OK, that's not my

364
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,720
thing.
But like, yeah, that's a good

365
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,720
person.
Right there.

366
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,480
Absolutely.
All right, we'll do one of

367
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,400
those.
Deal.

368
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,200
Stay tuned, friends.
See you soon.

369
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,320
We'll be back next time.
Bye.