Salty Bite: Airport Edition

0:21 Hello. Hello. We're coming at you from deep behind the Zion curtain. We're bringing you a wee salty bite for a Friday treat. My name is. Claire and I'm Mel. And together we are the salty hoes. I love this, it's so. Fun, so fun. Can I just? Start with saying that. You can, yes, I agree. Once again, the highlight of my week every week. Oh, so much. We hope you're enjoying this, but we can say with certainty that we. Are and if you are enjoying it, please let us know little five star review or rating review comments. We we love to hear all of it. Anything and yeah, it's wonderful. Thank you for. Listening, if you're not following us, please give us a little follow, yeah?

1:04 It helps us. Yeah. I always just to hear that on the podcast and be like, what? But now I. Get it? Now we get it. We get it. Well, this week we thought we would do a little salty bites from the wild. I love it. Stories from the wild. Stories from the Wild and actually we're going to do an airport edition. I love that, yes. So we have noticed some things on our travels. Would that be fair to say, Mel? I think that's fair to say. I mean, the airport is always kind of a rich source of bad behavior. Many stories I could tell about the airport. As you know, I spend quite a bit of time in airports. You're a WE traveler. I I am, yeah. Actually, do you want to do you want me to share the game that one of the airport games my son and I play when we travel together? OK, We have several actually, because we do travel together quite a lot, lots of time in airports, whether it's be waiting, whether it be waiting for a flight or on a layover or whatever.

2:00 But one of the airport games that we play is called Ban Hammer Ban. Hammer. Yeah, ban hammer. Oh, I can't. Wait to hear this one. OK, And this ban hammer, I mean, this is like Internet message board slang, right? So if you are acting up on a message board and you're banned by the moderator, sometimes it's called you got the ban hammer. Really. I never knew. That maybe you're not as finally online as I am. I learnt a new thing today. Yeah, it's very cool. Well, I've been catching up on all the all the, you know, Gen. Z sling with my niece and nephew and my son in the last week. But yeah, that's another story. OK, I'll have to share that. I will. Yeah. But for now, the banhammer. OK. And so this is a way that I, with my son, try to reframe people being just absolute fools or assholes in public, because you do see a lot of that when you fly.

2:50 You do people lose their minds a wee bit which it's but also Cam diner. Right. So you see people being shitty to service workers, for example, in the airport or I don't know, taking their shoes and socks off in the lounge and putting their feet up on furniture. I mean, right? Like I have seen someone clipping their toenails. In the God. In the lounge. What? Yeah. Why? Yeah. That, you know, if you are gripped by, I get it. Sometimes you walk a lot and you're like, oh, I should get a pedicure. But there are bathroom stalls, right? But also to like, just don't do it in the airport at all. Period. But like if it's an emergency which I can't understand how it would be, but if it.

3:34 Was. I mean, sure, if you're like cutting off a little hangnail or something, go do it in the. Bathroom not around food and people. Yeah, with your nail clipping like street falling to the floor like disgusting. Were people trailed up? Like how were they raised? Yeah, I mean, Raised by Wolves would be an improvement on some of these people. 'S behavior percent. A wolf would not do that well. I mean, yeah, that's silly, but yes, bad behavior. Right. So when my son and I travel, we have this game called Banhammer and it depends on how long we're traveling and how hard we want to play. OK, right. So. Like how challenging because usually there's quite a bit of bad behavior, but often we'll we'll give ourselves about 5 right? And so when somebody does that, we'll be like, oh, fan hammered right And in our minds in our fantasy version, this person is now banned from flying for a period of either one year to up to a maximum of a lifetime.

4:30 I love. That you have like sentencing. Yes. You're like, oh, that's a lifetime ban right there. Exactly. Easy, Yeah. So that's that's a game we play. And I think today we're going to share some stories of people that really should be hit with a ban hammer. Yeah, and we're going to do it in not necessarily the context of dating, but human relationships. Yeah, I think that's fair to say. Yeah, I think that's fair. So I this was kind of sparked by this week. I was flying back from Chicago, which was very fun. I do think I got minor frostbite on my knuckles, but apart from that, are you OK? It was so cold. Yeah, well, it is Chicago. But like I have like I'm Irish, I'm robust.

5:13 I lived on the North Atlantic like for and I was like my face. Yeah, that wind whipping off of Lake MI is no joke there. Was a wee bit of snow, like I was wearing gloves, but yeah, it was very painful, but I digress. So, so unlike me getting my V flight home and we're boarding on the V jetway and there is a father and son in front of us. So, you know, like probably the son's probably early 20s, so older, I would assume the man would be similar to our age range. Yeah. And he was like, have you heard from your mom? And he like, it was like tiptoeing initially. And the kid was like, yeah, why?

6:00 And he was like, well, she's pissed at me. And so it got like, more. And it was something, I mean, I wasn't trying to listen, but they were speaking at a volume where I could not help but. Right in a public venue, right. Like quite lightly because he got quite animated and I guess it had something to do with like a family event and a mother-in-law, just like. Oh boy. The usual stuff that you hear. And you're like, thank God I'm not married anymore. Don't miss all of that good stuff. But yeah, so he was like, well, yeah, like she hasn't text me and she's mad at me. Like she's so mad. And this was like, you know, the feature of the conversation was like how mad and rational she was being. My God.

6:45 But short right to the sun because he was poking and trying to get information. And he was like, yeah. And he was like, I mean, I haven't heard from her. And he was like, yeah. Wow, sounds like the son might be used to playing these games with his parents or his dad particularly. Yeah, that's never fun for a kid to have to be the referee. In a situation like that. Yeah, so I was like, OK, OK, then we get onto the flight and I happened to be in the same bro as these two lovely gentlemen. Delightful. Yeah. Were you sitting next to them or across the aisle? Well, so I was at the window and by the grace of God, the middle seat was free. Oh God, I love that.

7:25 I love it so much. The sun was then on the outside and then the dad was on the other aisle seat. OK, so we get in, we get settled and and you know, the we flight attendants give their re announcement and then the captain comes on and it's like, hi, my name's Emmy and I am your like captain today. And the dad just turned around in like complete horror. Why? Because the captains a woman? Because the captain is a woman? Oh my God. I would assume go fuck yourself. Nothing. Yeah, like up, down, sideways, backwards. It's an upside down. And so I was just like, I mean, you've witnessed it. I just was like, OK, like the Fury.

8:08 Yeah, it's like if. He says something. I lied. I'm I'm gonna have to like. Yeah. Say a thing. It's gonna go there. I won't be rude, but I will just be like, Sir, it is 2026. Like, come on. I and yeah, I just. But he kind of, I think like checked himself because his son was unresponsive like his. Yeah. Like why are we amazed? At this, his son is Gray rocking. Yes. And as you say, must have some experience, but yeah, yeah. And I, and I have to say it was the, the smooth, one of the smoothest, smoothest landings that I've ever had. Wow, Great job, Captain. Thank you. Emmy.

8:48 I think it was Emmy. But yeah, great flight. I love it. Love it, but it reminded me of a story that you had texted me about before. That's right. Yeah. You got a whole series of rage texts from me from the the Venice airport, actually, that sounds. Very lovely though. Well, yeah, I mean, the airport was was fine, but I was flying back from Italy with my son once again and we had to get up at like 4:00 in the morning and like take a water taxi. So we're at the airport, It's quite early. I think the lounge opened at 6:00 AM and we were like right there ready to to go. All right. So relevant to the story is that there was this family next to us and it was a husband, a wife and two kids. And I would say the kids were kind of in the the elementary school to middle school age range. I couldn't tell exactly how old, but definitely not quite high school yet.

9:45 Like, not teens, preteens, but not little little either. But not like they could go on a flight and be fine. Oh, yeah, sure. Like, they weren't toddlers. They were like probably between 10 and 13, that kind of age range. All right. And from overhearing them, which once again, I was not trying to eavesdrop, but they came, you know, in an empty lounge, sat right next to us. And then we're talking loudly. So it was impossible not to overhear them. You. Couldn't not observe. Yeah. And So what I gathered right away from the conversation that the two parents were having was that they were flying back to the States, just like my son and I were. And the first leg was from Venice to Frankfurt. Yeah.

10:25 OK. So short flight, right. Like, it's probably an hour and a half, very, very short. And they had been two of them had been upgraded to business class, OK, SO22IN economy 2 in business, OK, for this very short flight. And the husband was quite adamant that he and his wife would take the business class seats and the two children would sit by themselves back in coach. Oh, wow, yeah, right. I mean, that's an interesting approach. I was already so angry at yeah, yeah. And the wife was like, I don't know, they're kind of young. And he's like, nothings gonna happen. He's like putting her down basically aggressively. He's like, you're always worried, like it's gonna be fine, like nothing, blah blah.

11:12 Why? Dare you be concerned about the welfare of our children? Right. And what a bad. Person. She's a terrible mother, My. God, Yeah, Dear God. And then she was like, well, look, she's like, I'll just take the daughter and sit back there. And like, you and the son could sit up front with God because it became clear that like this man, he is not taking one of those economy seats. Oh. Yeah. No, he's he's. Sitting up his in business class. Everybody else can go fuck themselves. But then he that wasn't a solution for him either though because it makes him look bad. I would think that, you know, his wife and daughter are sitting back in economy while he's sitting up in business. And clearly the problem here is that he would look bad.

11:53 Right. And I mean, I was like. I was like. Talking and well, I was texting you and I was talking to my son and I was like, you absolute turd. You and your son sit back in economy and your wife and daughter sit in business. That is how it's done. That's what you do. Yes, that is the answer. Yes, it's very. Simple, would you? Like me to adjudicate. Here, I mean, I was ready to. I was so angry at this man, not just for the fact that he wouldn't do that, which, you know, that is what he should do. Yeah, right. That is the socially acceptable thing, I think, to do. Well, and that's being the man. Yes, right. That's stepping up and being the man here. That's the kind. Of man energy that we like where it's like, you know, because I'm sure that she takes a lot of the looking after the kids and the you know it's just like you sit up here and have a nice experience yeah and also my daughter let me model what I hope you will be treated like in the. Future exactly, and also let me model to my son how he should be treating women.

12:57 Perhaps more importantly. Yeah, right. Both of them would learn like a little easy lesson, right? No. But instead he is arguing with his wife in front of them, putting her down right, telling her she worries too much, all this stuff. And then he calls his kids over, right? And they are both calling him Sir instead of Dad. Yeah, I'm getting progressively angrier. My God. Yeah, and wow, I mean, this is not the energy I would expect from like a man I was with. Wow. And you're like, is it 1950? Like what just happened? And you assume they've just had a vacation and like. Yeah, they're coming home right from the holidays. Well, yeah, I I mean, I actually remember back when I was married and one of my husband at the Times colleagues was flying to China and he got upgraded.

13:54 His wife didn't. Yeah, he took the seat and left her back in economy. Can you believe that? OK. Wow, I know wow is right. Wow. And I feel like really, I think you have two legitimate choices. Yes #1 you decline the upgrade. Like that seems like a. No, and just sit together in economy or #2 you take the upgrade and give it to your. Wife yes, like those are two clear choices right there and we all know that I don't have the best picker on. One time I was flying home from Boston with a guy I dated for like a year. He got an upgrade to 1st class and he actually came and asked the man sitting beside me if he would like his first class seat. Beautiful.

14:36 And the guy was like wait what? It made his night. He was delighted and I was like, okay, that's hot. Yeah, super hot. Super hot. Yeah, right. Good manners. Yes. OK. But unlike this guy who was just being a tool to his wife. Yes. Yeah. And everyone around can hear, you know, in this lounge. And then we get on the flight and my son and I are sitting right behind the man and his wife. So we're in the last row of business class and the kids are like 2 rows back in economy on the other side of the plane. And there is a whole situation going on with where the kids are sitting because there is this incredibly pushy woman back there who's insisting that she has to sit.

15:21 I believe it was the aisle seat. And she's kicking these kids out and making a big tantrum about it. And like, you know, these poor children are like, like, 10 or 11 or something like that. And so they're just like, OK, whatever. Yeah. Like bullying them. That's horrible. She was totally bullying them. Yeah. And then the flight attendant came back. And I mean, thank God for these German Lufthansa flight attendant. She was like, no, absolutely not. You have to sit in the seat you're assigned. Yes. And this woman is like, no, I can't. Right. Like I have to sit. And book another seat. Yeah, no, exactly right. And then she, this woman, this nightmare of a woman tries to upgrade herself to business class. And the flight attendant, once again, kudos to her, is like, yeah, no, get back and sit in your seat. And for all this time, this man sits there and does not intervene, right? Does not like go back and switch and like, you know, move his daughter up to business class.

16:08 Or like what? These are my kids seats. Exactly Like you can be kind about that. And I'm assertive. I mean, I could hear it, so I'm sure he could hear it. Yes, Oh my God. All right, but there is a little bit of karma sort of at the end of this. What happened? OK, well, you know, we were sharing the same overhead compartment, right? So my son and I had our our rollies up there. Yes. And he and his wife had his rollies up there. And I guess unbeknownst to me, because I wasn't, I was paying attention to the tantrum that was being thrown behind me, Right? You're looking out for the kids, probably more than he was. Yeah, I was upset. I was like ready 1. Radar with. Something, yeah, but luckily the flight attendant had it in hand. But the the mom had put after kind of the fact an umbrella up there. Yeah.

16:53 And so when we went to get things out, I opened the bin and the umbrella fell out and hit this man in the head. I didn't either do this. I really, really didn't. But I was like also not sad about it except for then I was sad about it because then, you know, I apologize. I said I'm I'm sorry. I just opened it and it fell out. And he was like, he gave me the scruff. It's fine, whatever. My God. But then he like turned to his wife and said something shitty about her putting the umbrella there. My God. I know. They literally say please be careful, contents may shift like it was not your fault nor her. Fault. Yeah. It was just a thing. It was just the thing that happened. My God like how often flying to Utah have you been? Head up the back of the head with a ski boot at like often. Yeah, or people's backpacks.

17:34 People need to be a little more careful. Maybe I should have been a little more careful, but I didn't realize there was an umbrella up there just. Opened an overhead. Bin like there's nothing you've just done. No, I think that was a gift from the. Universe. Yeah. I was like, well you kind of deserve that, EW. EW, EW, yeah, that's. Just not good. Yeah, Anyway. As you point out, there's 2 clear choices. Maybe you don't put yourself on the upgrade list if you know everybody in the party can't go on the upgrade. List yeah, true like that sometimes they do and actually there was space up there so they really could have upgraded all four of them but that it didn't happen that was a. Third option that he also could have had like. Oh, as a pay to upgrade? Well, maybe his his kids.

18:16 Possible use miles or something? You know, yeah, maybe. I mean, it's a little tricky sometimes when you're flying coach. Yeah right. Cuz I booked these tickets through United, but we were flying Lufthansa. So that sometimes is an option. Sometimes it's not though, so. I'm just like grasping. At straws for this, really. And better. No, he was just kind of being a jerk. Oof. Yeah. Well, in the wild, it doesn't look to be much better. So yeah, it's, it's just so much fun to observe these beautiful things. Yes. So of course we did deploy the banhammer and we assigned him a 10 year sentence without flying. Oh, I think that that that was generous. Yeah. I probably would have gone lifetime on that one. But well, we were trying to hold space for the possibility of growth and improvements. Yeah, exactly that was.

19:00 Very generous. It was basically till his kids were like of age. That's good. And and they could be like Dad, don't be a jerk, let mom set up a coat or in the the fancy seats. But I mean, they weren't even that fancy. It's like a domestic flight for like 90 minutes. They're just. Maybe like 2 inches wider and some more legroom. Yeah, it was not a big deal. Oh. My God. Anyway. Well, a shout out to you too, because I think you're an awesome mom and I love the travels that you go on with your Reese on. I think it is the cutest thing ever and something so meaningful to him so. You're my friend, Mama. We have a good time. You're an awesome Mama too. Oh, thank you. OK, friends, I guess we're gonna sign off now. Yeah. All right. Stay salty, stay salty.

19:42 I'll be alert in the wild. That's right, if you have any good airport stories or other stories from the wild, please send them our way. We would love that. OK, have a good. Weekend talk to you next time. Bye.