Mini Salty Bites: Dating Profile Disasters

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Hey everybody, this is Mel, this
is Claire.

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We are the salty hoes, and we
are back for a little mini bonus

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episode.
This is one of our salty bites.

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Is that what we're calling them?
Oh yeah, I like.

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It salty.
Bites, salty bites, salty bites.

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So we may not do these every
week, but we thought just to

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tide you over from week to week,
maybe if you wanted a little

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midweek pick me up, a little
extra little bonus.

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You just can't get enough of us
that we might.

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Not every week necessarily.
We're not promising anything.

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We're not making any strong
promises because life is.

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Busy, it is busy, but we might
drop these little mini episodes.

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We're thinking 1015 minutes,
maybe some stories from the

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Hive, some dating profile
reviews, etcetera.

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So that's what we're going to do
today.

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And Claire, what do you have for
me from the dating apps?

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Yeah, I mean, I just feel at
this point sometimes like, am I

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even looking for somebody or am
I just taking screenshots to

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send to you so that we can have
a wee giggle?

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But I notice, I'm sure anybody
listening who's on the apps

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notices there.
There's definitely like an

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uptick in like catfish profiles,
I feel like.

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Do you see?
That I do see that.

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Because you're like, oh, you're
unbelievably hot.

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Clearly, you're not.
Real.

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And the photos look really
staged, right?

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The light they're they're
professional photos.

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They're yeah, and so they're
like taken from a catalog or AI

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or like something, but they're
not real.

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So I noticed, you know, when you
read those, what do you call

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like the prompts, the prompts,
the Wii prompts that sometimes

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they give us this this was unbum
Bell, bum bell.

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Bum bell makes it fancy.
I know I'm I'm on bum bell

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personally, but the question is
to be prompt, a pro and a con of

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dating me.
The answer is I'm going back.

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So yeah.
I mean, you're just like clearly

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you're a real human.
And this other person said I'm

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happiest when that was their
prompt and their response was

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delicacy.
Oh wow, OK sounds like a strong

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command of the English language.
Definitely from here in Utah.

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And just, you know, not a bot
or, I don't know, like how do

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they do it?
I don't, I, I just don't know if

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it's a, a eye situation or I,
yeah, I have no idea.

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But they're, they're just, you
know, very, very interesting.

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I did find a guy, you know, like
you'll find these ones and

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you're like, clearly you're
married.

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Oh, definitely.
Yeah, the heads chopped off or

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they they're just wearing like
not just like a a mask for

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disease style mask, but like.
The ones I really like are the

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ones that just say straight out
I'm married right?

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That at least you're honest,
right Points for honesty, yes.

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But the ones that I find
particularly hilarious are the

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ones that, like you said, don't
have a headshot.

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Maybe it's a body shot or a
picture of scenery.

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Got the scenery.
Scenery and then in the bio it

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says need something just scrape
because of my job.

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My God, you're like, is it
because of your your job?

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Is that really why my?
God.

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You're like, yeah, I don't think
that's the source of your

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discretion, brother, but but.
Okay, go on.

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My God yeah, this guy is
headless.

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He has great arms.
Maybe he's hot, but I don't

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think I'd ever swipe based on
arms.

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Also would absolutely never
swipe on somebody I suspected

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was in a relationship 101.
Oh my God, your standards are so

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high.
Claire, hi.

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I'm such a good person.
You're so picky.

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I sainthood.
The new Pope is going to call me

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up and give me a wee prize soon.
Yes.

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That's just, you know, that's
how we roll.

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His bio is interesting though,
and that's, it's actually why I

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screenshotted it.
It said sometimes I dress like a

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dog and make action paintings
and sing rock'n'roll.

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What?
Yeah, I don't.

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Like all at the same time.
I don't what I.

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Dress like a.
Dog.

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Yeah, is action paintings like
when you cover yourself and

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paint you roll on a canvas or
something?

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I have no idea.
Yeah.

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If anybody knows, let us know.
Is this a?

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Kink that I'm unaware.
Of see this is what I worry

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because we do know that I have
an naivety streak and I'm like

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should is this a position?
Is this like a a thread or

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strand of polyamory?
Like what?

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I well, I don't know.
This is so strange.

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I mean, if he'd said doggy style
we would understand that.

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But dress like a dog, yes.
And make action paintings.

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And sing and sing and.
Roll.

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So yeah, I don't know if it's
all at the one time or.

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All right, if anyone can
identify this kink or mental

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illness please.
Let us know in the comments.

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Yeah, either way, give us a
whirl.

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What did you find any good
people this week?

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I yeah, I've got a couple for
you.

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So we're going to start and I'm
changing the names once again.

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Of course, once again, we're not
trying to name and shame, we're

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just trying to shame
anonymously, Yes.

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We're classy hoes.
Exactly.

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Classy, salty, classy.
Salty hoes.

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All right, so we're going to
start with a man I'm going to

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call Bobby.
Bobby is 50. 40 Bobby.

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He is a screenwriter.
He graduated from Duke.

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So wow.
Credentials.

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Yeah.
He's got a graduate degree.

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Nice.
In his bio.

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Let me just read it to you point
by point because this is most of

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these are not so bad, but I
think you're going to find out

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when we get to the the red flag
here, OK?

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All right, so first, I may have
lost some hair, OK. 54 I mean,

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we have to be realistic.
Yeah, a little weird.

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Sports coach and art lover.
Raiders fan who meditates with

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monks.
Nice guy who kills all the

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spiders.
I'm always suspicious of a

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self-proclaimed nice guy, but
carry on.

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I am as well, and I actually
don't like killing spiders.

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I'd rather.
Try to put them outside.

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Or just leave them in the house.
You don't.

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Have to.
Kill Uggs once run over by a

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ballet dancer.
Oh, I don't know what.

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That means, again, is that
something that we just, are we

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naive?
I don't know.

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It just sounds like an anecdote
that he wants to share, so

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whatever, I'm going to give him
that.

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It's weird, but.
He's left you a nugget for a

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first.
Date.

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And then here's the next bullet
point.

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My daughter's number one fan,
even if they have blocked me on

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social media.
Oh, what did you do, kind Sir,

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to be blocked by your child?
And why are you admitting that?

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Children.
Multiple children.

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Daughters are plural.
Oh, it's.

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Plural.
I miss.

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That well, it might be a
misplaced apostrophe.

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We can't overlook that.
But he did graduate from Duke,

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so he probably knows where to
put an apostrophe.

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But you don't.
You don't know.

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The rest of this is
grammatically correct, so I'm

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going to assume there are.
Multiple daughters, children's.

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Yeah, wow.
Oh, no.

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And he says they they blocked
me.

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So it is multiple daughters.
At least two have blocked him on

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social media.
I mean transparency with the red

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flags I guess.
So put that right out there.

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Very decent of him, so wow,
okay.

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No explanation of why they might
have done that.

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Maybe you're supposed to swipe
and ask?

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Yeah, again, maybe he's just
like little conversation

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starters, which I respect
because, you know.

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Yeah, it is better than nothing
to work with.

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Silent, no questions, all of
that good stuff that we

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experienced.
So did you go right or?

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Left I went.
Left you, did I?

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Did.
Yeah, I did not want to get.

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I don't know.
That that swung it for you.

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Well, I was curious, but not
curious enough to swipe.

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That's fair.
Yeah, that's fair.

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All right, I've got one more for
you here, Claire.

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And this person we are going to
call Scott.

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Scott is 42.
OK, Oh, young.

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Perky.
Yeah, nothing wrong with that.

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I love it.
Scott has mostly a normal

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profile.
He's got a short bio.

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He's got a number of normal
pictures, a pretty average

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looking guy, nothing too weird
until you Scroll down to picture

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#4, which is a picture of
himself.

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It's a mirror selfie in the
bathroom.

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Frequent.
Frequent occurrence.

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Yep, he is wearing a Princeton
University T-shirt.

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Fancy.
White athletic shorts.

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Nice.
And what is clearly a diaper

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underneath these shorts?
And it's not Halloween.

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No, it's under.
He's wearing a diaper.

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OK.
I mean transparent.

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Does he mention it anywhere?
Right, but that's the thing.

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No mention of the diaper.
He's very clearly a diaper.

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Yeah, I, I actually zoomed in,
which I don't love myself for.

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Not my finest moment because I
was like, is that a diaper?

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Yes, it's a diaper.
It's definitely a diaper.

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Wow.
And it's got like little, I

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don't know, some kind of design
on it.

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I can't tell through.
The like pictures so.

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There's two possibilities here,
Claire.

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Number one is the man has a
medical issue which makes him

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incontinent.
Yes, that is.

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Possible and full like care and
appreciation for that.

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Certainly right there could be a
very legitimate reason, but I

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suspect it is actually the
second possibility, which is

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that this is an adult baby
fetish.

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Oh yeah.
OK, I.

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Had only considered point #1 and
I was like, well, that's very

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bold to include it in your
dating profile, but the.

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Reason I think that it is
possibility number 2 is because,

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like I said, I did zoom in Yeah,
and it looks like there are

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little decorations on the diaper
similar to what you would find

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on an infant diaper, right?
Like little pictures.

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You know what I mean?
Like teddy bears or?

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Blocks or because you don't get
that on an adult diaper.

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Don't have that, no.
Did I say diaper?

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What word came out of my my
Thor?

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I don't know but but right.
But it's not addressed.

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So here's the thing.
If you have, you know an A

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specific kink or a fetish, as
long as it's not hurting anyone,

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nothing wrong with that.
But more.

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Hard to.
You sure?

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Why would you not explain that?
Right.

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Why?
Just show a picture of yourself

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grinning in the mirror wearing a
diaper and not explain it.

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It does.
It would.

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It would warrant some
clarification or maybe keep it

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to the second or third date.
Sure, I mean I do appreciate the

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heads up before you've gone on
multi updates.

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Cuz you don't wanna, you know,
but I mean heading back to their

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place and then surprise diaper
alert.

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Yeah, I mean, I do appreciate
when people are upfront with

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things that could be deal
Breakers, Yeah, for a large

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number of people.
But I feel like we didn't get

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all the way there with this.
It's just a picture in a diaper

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with no explanation.
Yes, so maybe he's even if he

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had done like the we if you
know, you know.

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Sure, something.
But yeah, it's an interesting

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choice.
There's only a limited number of

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photos.
It's an interesting one to.

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Choose absolutely.
Huh.

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00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:19,120
Well, I also wonder if he might
have better luck on one of the

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fetish dating apps rather than
Bumble.

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This is true.
Because.

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There are a couple of those.
Yeah, and bumbles like mild, I

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00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:30,760
feel like it's like the mild
like most normal app.

229
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,160
Right.
It's not even Tinder.

230
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,720
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like pretty mild.

231
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,680
So yeah, he's on the wrong
platform.

232
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,080
Maybe just.
I think so too.

233
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,320
Yeah, well, more power to him.
It's an interesting choice,

234
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,480
Super.
I hope you find what you're

235
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,880
looking for.
I just think that this approach

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00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,640
is maybe not going to get you
there.

237
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,680
So I assume that was a left of
these swipe left.

238
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:56,000
Yes.
So sadly, Mel and I have no

239
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,560
dates this weekend.
But you know that's OK because.

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00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,800
At least we've had a.
Good laugh.

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00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,040
We've had a good laugh.
We find a man in a diaper and

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00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:08,920
some catfish people and.
You never know what you're going

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00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:09,760
to get.
You don't.

244
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,600
What a lovely bag of treats.
It's a great time to be single.

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00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,600
I love it.
Absolutely the.

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00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,480
Search continues the search.
Continues Well, thanks for

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00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,040
joining us today for our little
mini episode.

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00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,040
I hope you enjoyed it.
If you did, let us know in the

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00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,160
comments and we will see you
next time.

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00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,400
We'll see you.
Soon, bye, bye.