Mini Salty Bite: Sundance

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Hello everybody, welcome back to
our mini Salty Bites series.

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I am Claire.
I'm Mel.

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And we are the salty hoes, so we
love doing these little mini

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salty bites.
Are we just calling them salty

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bites though?
I thought we decided just salty

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bites.
Salty bites I it'll it'll take a

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minute for me to catch up so.
Well, either way, it's the same

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great content no matter what we
call.

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Right.
What we can potato, potato like,

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Yeah, well, that's that's a bad
example, but.

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No, it's a great example.
I have a potato tie in later for

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you.
Oh my God, look at that.

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Right, it's like fate.
Who knew that when talking about

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dating that you would have a
potato tie in?

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I am intrigued.
Tell us about that.

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Well, I think I'm going to save
that.

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I have a few to talk about
today, but first I did want to

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pour one out because, well, no,
I mean like in a sad way, right?

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Like pour one out for my homie.
Because what I realized this

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week and what I'm sure you
realized as well was, well, let

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me ask you, I noticed, did you
notice an influx of very

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attractive men this week?
Yes, there is a reason for this.

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Tell us about the reason.
Matt, there is a reason.

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Well, it turns out it took me a
minute to catch on to this.

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It's Sundance this week.
Yep, and so the hot film guys

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are in time.
I know.

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I opened up Bumble a few days
ago and I was like, wow, what is

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this?
You know, I don't know.

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Torrent.
Torrent of attractive gush.

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Yeah, a gush.
I was gush.

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A gush of attractive and in many
cases, it's not white men.

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I'm like, what's happening?
I got so excited and then I

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realized none of them are from
Salt Lake.

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They are all from out of town
and they're all here for

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Sundance.
So that is not very helpful to

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me.
You know, this is where I think

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dating apps need to think about
a restructuring of their app

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just, you know, as a
recommendation for a decade long

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single or from a decade long
single woman put where they're

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from at the top.
At the top please.

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At the top because you get so
excited because I have done that

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this week too.
You're like hot damn, I know.

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And you're like, wait, did he
just move?

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Who is this person like?
I've never seen him before.

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Utah, I know because like, yeah,
I feel like I'm best friends.

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It's like some people at this
point, just because we've both

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been on the apps for so long.
Yep.

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So you're like, wow.
And yeah, you Scroll down and

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it's, you know, they're from LAA
lot.

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I mean, that's a big one, right?
With the film industry or New

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York or, you know, even even
another country.

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And you're like that explains
it.

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Wah wah.
Wah wah, so sad, so sad and

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nice.
Sundance is leaving too, so this

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will never happen again.
I know the last Sundance.

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The last Sundance.
But Utah there is your fault.

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It is.
Yeah, so I've got some Utahns to

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talk about today.
Oh yay.

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So let's start out with a man
that I'm going to call Clint.

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This will be a very short one.
Clint is 51, nice.

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He is looking for a short term
relationship but is open to

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long.
You'll be happy to know he.

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Is so like emotionally mature.
He's open to long at 51 years

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ease.
Amazing, right?

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Growth is possible y'all.
He's got 6 pictures.

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They're all normal except for
the very first one that he's

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decided to display, which is him
in a winter scene.

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Yes, he has snow in his hair,
snow on the lapel of his coat,

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and seasonal.
Yes, and a snot icicle hanging

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from his nose.
Jesus.

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Oh my God, why?
Look at this picture.

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It's not small.
Oh, that's significant.

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And and he also has a facial
expression which would express

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discomfort with the nose icicle.
Yeah, it's like he looks in pee

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and it's a big.
Nose icicle like it goes past

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his lower lip.
Yes, like I would imagine he

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even felt it.
But also you uploaded the

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picture.
Did you check it?

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And put it as your number one
picture.

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Oh my God.
Clint, what are you doing?

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Like dude, there's also like
tools he could Photoshop it

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right?
Like what?

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Well, it's not even a flattering
picture, No, even without the

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nose icicle.
No, because he does look like he

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isn't.
He's like either on the toilet

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or he does.
He and yeah, he kind of looks

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like he's taking a dump.
There's a strained look on his

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face.
So yeah, maybe some fiber and a

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tissue.
For.

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For Mr. Clint, I don't know.
Yeah.

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Do you have any good pictures to
share with me?

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You know, I don't have good
pictures, but I have this

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phenomena.
We've come across it before.

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I'm sure we've talked about it,
where, you know, the apps will

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give you like a Wii prompt and
they will answer it in like a

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completely illiterate fashion.
Oh yes, like not even close to

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anything that makes sense.
So this one says I'm hoping, I'm

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hoping you or look for friends
with benefits.

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Oh, so I'm like.
Well, at least that's answering

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the question.
In an illiterate way.

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Sure, it's OK, Maybe this person
doesn't speak English as their

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first language.
That's fair and I feel like a

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bitch.
No, no, you shouldn't feel like

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a bitch.
The where I was going with that

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was not to criticize you, but to
suggest maybe they were part of

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a bot farm trying to catfish
people as we've discussed.

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Before Fair, because that that
seems like an increasing

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phenomenon.
Yeah, I have to say I actually

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have a a very detailed story
about that, which is probably a

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whole other salty bite in and of
itself.

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But this other guy, I don't
think it's the keys, but he is

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answering my international dream
destination.

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So his answer says plant
medicine and a beautiful fire in

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the trees.
So.

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Well, I guess a fire in the
trees is sort of a destination.

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But is it like a metaphor for
after you take your plant

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medicine that like?
Maybe it's an ayahuasca.

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Trip.
Yeah, like a burning Bush.

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Like are we going Moses style
here?

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Like.
I don't want to be set and

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fired.
No trees though.

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That sounds very hazardous.
But yeah.

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Wow, nice.
All right, well, I have one that

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is mostly literate if you'd like
to hear it.

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Yes.
So this is Mr. Chad.

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Chad does not give his age, but
he looks to be in his 40s.

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Yeah, he has three pictures.
He looks angry in all of them.

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And I'm going to read you his
bike.

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An angry man.
Well, he's looking for a long

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term partner, I'm sure you'll be
happy to hear.

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Emotionally mature.
OK so I'm going to read his bio

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to you about me.
Not here for likes or

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notifications on my phone.
If you are, swipe left.

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Not here for small talk.
If you have the attention span

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of a potato, there's the potato
tie in.

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My God.
If you have the attention span

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of a potato then swipe left.
Not going to send you a Dick pic

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if you're the wrong you're.
If you are messaging back and

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forth between me and other Dick
pic guys then don't message me.

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I'm the only profile you should
be interested in if you're once

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again the wrong you're.
If you're truly looking for

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something special, I've got a
beautiful puppy that loves me

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and is loyal.
Oh my God, I will just.

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Wait until the right thing comes
along and then in all caps don't

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waste my time.
I wow, I have so many questions.

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There's a lot to unpack.
Yeah, like you're turned on

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right now, aren't you?
Like Oh my God, like I want to

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find this man.
I mean the potato as an Irish

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person, that's hot, right?
But also what what exactly is

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the attention span of a potato?
Like I've never.

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Maybe a fish is like a common
metaphor, but what potato?

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Yeah, I don't know how.
Just taking a little side

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adventure into the metaphorical
there, I guess.

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Yes.
Do you sense some insecurity

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over this man's junk?
Because he he mentions the Dick

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pic often.
He does.

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Yes, I do feel like there is
some insecurity there, both

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maybe in terms of the Dick pic,
yeah, but I also what I really

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sense here is this is a very
controlling man.

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What give you that idea I.
Don't know, it's just a hunch.

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I'm just channelling your Irish
witchiness, Claire.

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Dear God, could it be the
capital letters?

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Could it be the lengthy list of
requirements?

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Those ones always just like,
make me go.

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What words like you will do
this.

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Do not do that.
Like I want this.

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Yeah, it's amazing to me.
He wants your full, undivided

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attention.
You're not allowed to talk to

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other men before you've even
swiped on this guy.

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Does it all ends here?
Delete the app.

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Right, immediately message me.
Delete it.

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Oh my God, yeah.
Wow.

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Good times, right?
Such good times.

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Well, I have a guy here who, you
know, like the whole gold digger

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vibe.
Like we talked about this on our

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long episode about how, you know
women will give a guy a chance

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if he's good looking but not
very well endowed with material

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gain.
Shall we say I?

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Thought you were going somewhere
else with that.

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Yeah, I don't think any of them
have ever said, you know,

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micropenes.
Please sweat.

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But.
Yeah.

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I mean, yeah, but he says this
guy I I can't think of the

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names.
You're give him a name.

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What will we call this guy?
He he's like flexing with his

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money.
So Josh.

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Josh.
OK, Josh, the quickest way to my

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heart is being humble, serving
others, OK, and being real.

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OK, so this man wants a St.
Yes.

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He also adds.
I know what gold diggers

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characteristics are like.
Oh, so warning.

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Wow.
Yeah.

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Also I yeah.
What does that even mean?

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Because honestly in my
experience in the last few years

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it be the dudes that are the
gold diggers.

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Yeah, this is a man who isn't
going to buy you a $5 coffee on

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day one, right?
Yes, he's going to be the like.

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00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,360
Would you like to go order
yourself something?

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00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,960
That's right, be humble and buy
your own damn coffee.

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00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,920
Yeah, but then he tempers it.
Oh, OK, All right.

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And.
He said.

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00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,680
But if you to dig for gold with
me, let's.

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Go.
Oh yeah, okay.

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00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,960
So let's go prospecting with.
Josh Okay.

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00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,760
Josh Yeah, wow, hot stuff.
I think I'm going to pass on

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Josh.
Yeah, I just, I, I don't really

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00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,800
want to go dig for gold with
him.

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00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,000
No, whatever that means.
No, I'm kind of grossed out.

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00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,960
It almost sounds like it's yeah,
an innuendo, even though I don't

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think it is.
I I don't think it's, it's that

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clever, but yeah, yeah.
But just like the warning.

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Yeah, my.
Cash is is mine.

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00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,560
Sorry, buy your own coffee.
Yeah.

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Thank you.
Yeah.

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00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,960
Well, I think we have time for
one more, OK.

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00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,320
Do you do you have one?
I do.

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00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,360
I have one more share with us.
So this is Craig.

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Craig is 41.
Of course, I'm making up the

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names.
Another.

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Perky one another.
Young one.

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00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,480
I love it.
Craig has the most interesting

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configuration of facial hair I
think I've ever had I've ever

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00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:08,480
seen.
Sorry, it's like a neckbeard

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00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,280
with a mustache, but like, the
cheeks are shaved.

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00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,160
Here, I'll show you.
Oh.

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Oh yeah, it's that's like not
even Amish vibes.

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00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,800
That's like next level because
it doesn't touch the chin.

228
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,920
Right, it's.
Purely net.

229
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,040
The chin and the cheeks are
clean shaven.

230
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,200
Yes, there's a whole huge beard
on the neck.

231
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,640
Wow.
And then there's a mustache.

232
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:35,280
Maybe he was like posturing like
a lion or something, like with a

233
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,120
he was going for like the full
circle main like sorry American

234
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,640
main like.
Yeah, it is a little something,

235
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
a main vibe, yeah.
Like Lion King vibes.

236
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,560
Yeah, so it's the facial hair is
very confusing, but the bio is

237
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,280
even more confusing.
Are you ready?

238
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,400
Are you ready?
I am so ready.

239
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,000
Brace yourself.
It's Lion, man.

240
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,680
Watch.
It's only.

241
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,720
It's only two lines.
Here we go.

242
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,440
Wow, it says I'm the marshmallow
man.

243
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,800
Spongy.
What do your pajamas smell like?

244
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,120
What this?
Can't even be, that's the whole

245
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:12,680
point.
Like.

246
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,280
I do the whole thing.
That's the whole bio.

247
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,440
I don't even know whether to
like collapse into a heap of

248
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,480
despair or just like, burst into
laughter.

249
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,280
Oh my God, what do your.
Pajamas smell like.

250
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,320
Yeah, what do your?
That's his opening line I.

251
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,560
Mean, I know some men like to
smell like panties, but what?

252
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,800
Yeah.
What I absolutely do not want to

253
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,720
know what his pajamas smell.
Like no Or his neck beard.

254
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,800
What, like, I feel like there's
like food stuck in there.

255
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,360
Oh yeah, probably.
Like onions or something, I

256
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,920
don't know.
Wow.

257
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,360
OK.
What do your pajamas smell like,

258
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,280
Claire?
You know, I can't say that I've

259
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,120
ever smelled them, but I'd.
I mean my.

260
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,440
Guess is they smell like laundry
detergent or something.

261
00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:01,080
Clean, normal, showered bodies.
Like I what?

262
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,360
I just wow.
I think for the first time I've

263
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,320
been stunned into like just, I'm
speechless, right?

264
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,440
Like I don't know what to do
anymore.

265
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,840
Like I kind of want to cry a
little.

266
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,200
That's fair.
I mean, this is what's out

267
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,920
there.
All right, well, I shall gear my

268
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,440
retirement planning towards
singlehood then shall I like

269
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:28,560
dear God, right?
Well, there it is, my friends.

270
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:29,720
There it is.
Well.

271
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,080
Just, you know, if you're not
single, maybe just take a hard

272
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,440
look at your partner because
this is what's right there.

273
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,680
That's what's on the other side.
I mean, if you're into

274
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,360
marshmallow men that enjoy the
smell of.

275
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,760
Pajamas just so digging deep to
find the correlation, right?

276
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,960
I mean, maybe he was high when
he wrote it.

277
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,880
I don't know.
That's the only like or that's

278
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,320
the most charitable explanation.
I.

279
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,880
Can come up with a Ghostbusters
fan because they have the

280
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,120
Marshmallow man, right?
Yeah, just.

281
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,720
Stay puff, Marshmallow Man.
Is it?

282
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,440
Is there's no pajamas at?
Ghostbusters.

283
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,120
I don't remember a pajama tie in
We Are.

284
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,240
Really digging deep, like our
professorial.

285
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,600
Professorial.
That's the word I was looking

286
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,960
for.
Minds are like we're reaching.

287
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,040
Make it make sense.
I've got nothing.

288
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,600
No, it doesn't make any sense.
No.

289
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,120
Well, that's our salty bite for
today.

290
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,640
Whoa, that was.
Salty.

291
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,040
Yeah, dear God, a little too
salty.

292
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,240
Well, tune the next time,
friends.

293
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,680
And as always, let us know what
you think in the comments.

294
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,160
Thank you.
Day salty.

295
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,200
OK, bye now.