Jan. 29, 2026
Mini Salty Bite: Sundance
Mel & Claire, the Salty Hoes, drop a bonus episode that's a mini salty bite! In this 10-minute, occasional feature, Mel & Claire lament that the influx of hot guys on Bumble is all because of Sundance, and that they still can't find a good local date!
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Hello everybody, welcome back to
our mini Salty Bites series.
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I am Claire.
I'm Mel.
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And we are the salty hoes, so we
love doing these little mini
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salty bites.
Are we just calling them salty
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bites though?
I thought we decided just salty
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bites.
Salty bites I it'll it'll take a
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minute for me to catch up so.
Well, either way, it's the same
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great content no matter what we
call.
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Right.
What we can potato, potato like,
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Yeah, well, that's that's a bad
example, but.
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No, it's a great example.
I have a potato tie in later for
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you.
Oh my God, look at that.
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Right, it's like fate.
Who knew that when talking about
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dating that you would have a
potato tie in?
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I am intrigued.
Tell us about that.
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Well, I think I'm going to save
that.
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I have a few to talk about
today, but first I did want to
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pour one out because, well, no,
I mean like in a sad way, right?
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Like pour one out for my homie.
Because what I realized this
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week and what I'm sure you
realized as well was, well, let
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me ask you, I noticed, did you
notice an influx of very
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attractive men this week?
Yes, there is a reason for this.
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Tell us about the reason.
Matt, there is a reason.
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Well, it turns out it took me a
minute to catch on to this.
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It's Sundance this week.
Yep, and so the hot film guys
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are in time.
I know.
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I opened up Bumble a few days
ago and I was like, wow, what is
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this?
You know, I don't know.
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Torrent.
Torrent of attractive gush.
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Yeah, a gush.
I was gush.
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A gush of attractive and in many
cases, it's not white men.
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I'm like, what's happening?
I got so excited and then I
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realized none of them are from
Salt Lake.
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They are all from out of town
and they're all here for
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Sundance.
So that is not very helpful to
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me.
You know, this is where I think
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dating apps need to think about
a restructuring of their app
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just, you know, as a
recommendation for a decade long
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single or from a decade long
single woman put where they're
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from at the top.
At the top please.
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At the top because you get so
excited because I have done that
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this week too.
You're like hot damn, I know.
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And you're like, wait, did he
just move?
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Who is this person like?
I've never seen him before.
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Utah, I know because like, yeah,
I feel like I'm best friends.
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It's like some people at this
point, just because we've both
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been on the apps for so long.
Yep.
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So you're like, wow.
And yeah, you Scroll down and
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it's, you know, they're from LAA
lot.
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I mean, that's a big one, right?
With the film industry or New
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York or, you know, even even
another country.
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And you're like that explains
it.
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Wah wah.
Wah wah, so sad, so sad and
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nice.
Sundance is leaving too, so this
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will never happen again.
I know the last Sundance.
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The last Sundance.
But Utah there is your fault.
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It is.
Yeah, so I've got some Utahns to
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talk about today.
Oh yay.
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So let's start out with a man
that I'm going to call Clint.
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This will be a very short one.
Clint is 51, nice.
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He is looking for a short term
relationship but is open to
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long.
You'll be happy to know he.
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Is so like emotionally mature.
He's open to long at 51 years
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ease.
Amazing, right?
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Growth is possible y'all.
He's got 6 pictures.
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They're all normal except for
the very first one that he's
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decided to display, which is him
in a winter scene.
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Yes, he has snow in his hair,
snow on the lapel of his coat,
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and seasonal.
Yes, and a snot icicle hanging
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from his nose.
Jesus.
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Oh my God, why?
Look at this picture.
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It's not small.
Oh, that's significant.
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And and he also has a facial
expression which would express
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discomfort with the nose icicle.
Yeah, it's like he looks in pee
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and it's a big.
Nose icicle like it goes past
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his lower lip.
Yes, like I would imagine he
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even felt it.
But also you uploaded the
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picture.
Did you check it?
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And put it as your number one
picture.
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Oh my God.
Clint, what are you doing?
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Like dude, there's also like
tools he could Photoshop it
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right?
Like what?
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Well, it's not even a flattering
picture, No, even without the
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nose icicle.
No, because he does look like he
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isn't.
He's like either on the toilet
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or he does.
He and yeah, he kind of looks
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like he's taking a dump.
There's a strained look on his
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face.
So yeah, maybe some fiber and a
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tissue.
For.
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For Mr. Clint, I don't know.
Yeah.
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Do you have any good pictures to
share with me?
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You know, I don't have good
pictures, but I have this
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phenomena.
We've come across it before.
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I'm sure we've talked about it,
where, you know, the apps will
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give you like a Wii prompt and
they will answer it in like a
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completely illiterate fashion.
Oh yes, like not even close to
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anything that makes sense.
So this one says I'm hoping, I'm
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hoping you or look for friends
with benefits.
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Oh, so I'm like.
Well, at least that's answering
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the question.
In an illiterate way.
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Sure, it's OK, Maybe this person
doesn't speak English as their
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first language.
That's fair and I feel like a
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bitch.
No, no, you shouldn't feel like
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a bitch.
The where I was going with that
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was not to criticize you, but to
suggest maybe they were part of
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a bot farm trying to catfish
people as we've discussed.
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Before Fair, because that that
seems like an increasing
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phenomenon.
Yeah, I have to say I actually
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have a a very detailed story
about that, which is probably a
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whole other salty bite in and of
itself.
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But this other guy, I don't
think it's the keys, but he is
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answering my international dream
destination.
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So his answer says plant
medicine and a beautiful fire in
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the trees.
So.
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Well, I guess a fire in the
trees is sort of a destination.
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But is it like a metaphor for
after you take your plant
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medicine that like?
Maybe it's an ayahuasca.
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Trip.
Yeah, like a burning Bush.
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Like are we going Moses style
here?
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Like.
I don't want to be set and
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fired.
No trees though.
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That sounds very hazardous.
But yeah.
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Wow, nice.
All right, well, I have one that
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is mostly literate if you'd like
to hear it.
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Yes.
So this is Mr. Chad.
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Chad does not give his age, but
he looks to be in his 40s.
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Yeah, he has three pictures.
He looks angry in all of them.
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And I'm going to read you his
bike.
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An angry man.
Well, he's looking for a long
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term partner, I'm sure you'll be
happy to hear.
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Emotionally mature.
OK so I'm going to read his bio
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to you about me.
Not here for likes or
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notifications on my phone.
If you are, swipe left.
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Not here for small talk.
If you have the attention span
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of a potato, there's the potato
tie in.
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My God.
If you have the attention span
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of a potato then swipe left.
Not going to send you a Dick pic
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if you're the wrong you're.
If you are messaging back and
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forth between me and other Dick
pic guys then don't message me.
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I'm the only profile you should
be interested in if you're once
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again the wrong you're.
If you're truly looking for
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something special, I've got a
beautiful puppy that loves me
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and is loyal.
Oh my God, I will just.
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Wait until the right thing comes
along and then in all caps don't
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waste my time.
I wow, I have so many questions.
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There's a lot to unpack.
Yeah, like you're turned on
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right now, aren't you?
Like Oh my God, like I want to
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find this man.
I mean the potato as an Irish
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person, that's hot, right?
But also what what exactly is
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the attention span of a potato?
Like I've never.
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Maybe a fish is like a common
metaphor, but what potato?
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Yeah, I don't know how.
Just taking a little side
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adventure into the metaphorical
there, I guess.
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Yes.
Do you sense some insecurity
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over this man's junk?
Because he he mentions the Dick
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pic often.
He does.
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Yes, I do feel like there is
some insecurity there, both
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maybe in terms of the Dick pic,
yeah, but I also what I really
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sense here is this is a very
controlling man.
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What give you that idea I.
Don't know, it's just a hunch.
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I'm just channelling your Irish
witchiness, Claire.
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Dear God, could it be the
capital letters?
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Could it be the lengthy list of
requirements?
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Those ones always just like,
make me go.
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What words like you will do
this.
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Do not do that.
Like I want this.
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Yeah, it's amazing to me.
He wants your full, undivided
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attention.
You're not allowed to talk to
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other men before you've even
swiped on this guy.
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Does it all ends here?
Delete the app.
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Right, immediately message me.
Delete it.
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Oh my God, yeah.
Wow.
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Good times, right?
Such good times.
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Well, I have a guy here who, you
know, like the whole gold digger
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vibe.
Like we talked about this on our
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long episode about how, you know
women will give a guy a chance
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if he's good looking but not
very well endowed with material
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gain.
Shall we say I?
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Thought you were going somewhere
else with that.
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Yeah, I don't think any of them
have ever said, you know,
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micropenes.
Please sweat.
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But.
Yeah.
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I mean, yeah, but he says this
guy I I can't think of the
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names.
You're give him a name.
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What will we call this guy?
He he's like flexing with his
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money.
So Josh.
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Josh.
OK, Josh, the quickest way to my
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heart is being humble, serving
others, OK, and being real.
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OK, so this man wants a St.
Yes.
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He also adds.
I know what gold diggers
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characteristics are like.
Oh, so warning.
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Wow.
Yeah.
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Also I yeah.
What does that even mean?
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Because honestly in my
experience in the last few years
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it be the dudes that are the
gold diggers.
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Yeah, this is a man who isn't
going to buy you a $5 coffee on
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day one, right?
Yes, he's going to be the like.
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Would you like to go order
yourself something?
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That's right, be humble and buy
your own damn coffee.
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Yeah, but then he tempers it.
Oh, OK, All right.
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And.
He said.
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00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,680
But if you to dig for gold with
me, let's.
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Go.
Oh yeah, okay.
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00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,960
So let's go prospecting with.
Josh Okay.
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Josh Yeah, wow, hot stuff.
I think I'm going to pass on
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Josh.
Yeah, I just, I, I don't really
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want to go dig for gold with
him.
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00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,000
No, whatever that means.
No, I'm kind of grossed out.
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00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,960
It almost sounds like it's yeah,
an innuendo, even though I don't
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think it is.
I I don't think it's, it's that
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clever, but yeah, yeah.
But just like the warning.
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Yeah, my.
Cash is is mine.
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Sorry, buy your own coffee.
Yeah.
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Thank you.
Yeah.
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00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,960
Well, I think we have time for
one more, OK.
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Do you do you have one?
I do.
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I have one more share with us.
So this is Craig.
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Craig is 41.
Of course, I'm making up the
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names.
Another.
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Perky one another.
Young one.
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I love it.
Craig has the most interesting
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configuration of facial hair I
think I've ever had I've ever
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seen.
Sorry, it's like a neckbeard
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with a mustache, but like, the
cheeks are shaved.
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Here, I'll show you.
Oh.
226
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,800
Oh yeah, it's that's like not
even Amish vibes.
227
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,800
That's like next level because
it doesn't touch the chin.
228
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,920
Right, it's.
Purely net.
229
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,040
The chin and the cheeks are
clean shaven.
230
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,200
Yes, there's a whole huge beard
on the neck.
231
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,640
Wow.
And then there's a mustache.
232
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:35,280
Maybe he was like posturing like
a lion or something, like with a
233
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,120
he was going for like the full
circle main like sorry American
234
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,640
main like.
Yeah, it is a little something,
235
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
a main vibe, yeah.
Like Lion King vibes.
236
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,560
Yeah, so it's the facial hair is
very confusing, but the bio is
237
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,280
even more confusing.
Are you ready?
238
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,400
Are you ready?
I am so ready.
239
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,000
Brace yourself.
It's Lion, man.
240
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,680
Watch.
It's only.
241
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,720
It's only two lines.
Here we go.
242
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,440
Wow, it says I'm the marshmallow
man.
243
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,800
Spongy.
What do your pajamas smell like?
244
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,120
What this?
Can't even be, that's the whole
245
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:12,680
point.
Like.
246
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,280
I do the whole thing.
That's the whole bio.
247
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,440
I don't even know whether to
like collapse into a heap of
248
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,480
despair or just like, burst into
laughter.
249
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,280
Oh my God, what do your.
Pajamas smell like.
250
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,320
Yeah, what do your?
That's his opening line I.
251
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,560
Mean, I know some men like to
smell like panties, but what?
252
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,800
Yeah.
What I absolutely do not want to
253
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,720
know what his pajamas smell.
Like no Or his neck beard.
254
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,800
What, like, I feel like there's
like food stuck in there.
255
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,360
Oh yeah, probably.
Like onions or something, I
256
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,920
don't know.
Wow.
257
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,360
OK.
What do your pajamas smell like,
258
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,280
Claire?
You know, I can't say that I've
259
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,120
ever smelled them, but I'd.
I mean my.
260
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,440
Guess is they smell like laundry
detergent or something.
261
00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:01,080
Clean, normal, showered bodies.
Like I what?
262
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,360
I just wow.
I think for the first time I've
263
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,320
been stunned into like just, I'm
speechless, right?
264
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,440
Like I don't know what to do
anymore.
265
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,840
Like I kind of want to cry a
little.
266
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,200
That's fair.
I mean, this is what's out
267
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,920
there.
All right, well, I shall gear my
268
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,440
retirement planning towards
singlehood then shall I like
269
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:28,560
dear God, right?
Well, there it is, my friends.
270
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:29,720
There it is.
Well.
271
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,080
Just, you know, if you're not
single, maybe just take a hard
272
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,440
look at your partner because
this is what's right there.
273
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,680
That's what's on the other side.
I mean, if you're into
274
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,360
marshmallow men that enjoy the
smell of.
275
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,760
Pajamas just so digging deep to
find the correlation, right?
276
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,960
I mean, maybe he was high when
he wrote it.
277
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,880
I don't know.
That's the only like or that's
278
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,320
the most charitable explanation.
I.
279
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,880
Can come up with a Ghostbusters
fan because they have the
280
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,120
Marshmallow man, right?
Yeah, just.
281
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,720
Stay puff, Marshmallow Man.
Is it?
282
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,440
Is there's no pajamas at?
Ghostbusters.
283
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,120
I don't remember a pajama tie in
We Are.
284
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,240
Really digging deep, like our
professorial.
285
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,600
Professorial.
That's the word I was looking
286
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,960
for.
Minds are like we're reaching.
287
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,040
Make it make sense.
I've got nothing.
288
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,600
No, it doesn't make any sense.
No.
289
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,120
Well, that's our salty bite for
today.
290
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,640
Whoa, that was.
Salty.
291
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,040
Yeah, dear God, a little too
salty.
292
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,240
Well, tune the next time,
friends.
293
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,680
And as always, let us know what
you think in the comments.
294
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,160
Thank you.
Day salty.
295
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,200
OK, bye now.
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:27,700
Hello everybody, welcome back to
our mini Salty Bites series.
2
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,300
I am Claire.
I'm Mel.
3
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:35,140
And we are the salty hoes, so we
love doing these little mini
4
00:00:35,140 --> 00:00:37,060
salty bites.
Are we just calling them salty
5
00:00:37,060 --> 00:00:38,740
bites though?
I thought we decided just salty
6
00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:40,940
bites.
Salty bites I it'll it'll take a
7
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:46,560
minute for me to catch up so.
Well, either way, it's the same
8
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,360
great content no matter what we
call.
9
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,720
Right.
What we can potato, potato like,
10
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,840
Yeah, well, that's that's a bad
example, but.
11
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,560
No, it's a great example.
I have a potato tie in later for
12
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,000
you.
Oh my God, look at that.
13
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,600
Right, it's like fate.
Who knew that when talking about
14
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,080
dating that you would have a
potato tie in?
15
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,680
I am intrigued.
Tell us about that.
16
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,600
Well, I think I'm going to save
that.
17
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:15,880
I have a few to talk about
today, but first I did want to
18
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:21,080
pour one out because, well, no,
I mean like in a sad way, right?
19
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,960
Like pour one out for my homie.
Because what I realized this
20
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:29,560
week and what I'm sure you
realized as well was, well, let
21
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,760
me ask you, I noticed, did you
notice an influx of very
22
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:38,080
attractive men this week?
Yes, there is a reason for this.
23
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,280
Tell us about the reason.
Matt, there is a reason.
24
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,680
Well, it turns out it took me a
minute to catch on to this.
25
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:48,080
It's Sundance this week.
Yep, and so the hot film guys
26
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,440
are in time.
I know.
27
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:54,320
I opened up Bumble a few days
ago and I was like, wow, what is
28
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,720
this?
You know, I don't know.
29
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,440
Torrent.
Torrent of attractive gush.
30
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,880
Yeah, a gush.
I was gush.
31
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,680
A gush of attractive and in many
cases, it's not white men.
32
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,680
I'm like, what's happening?
I got so excited and then I
33
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,240
realized none of them are from
Salt Lake.
34
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,720
They are all from out of town
and they're all here for
35
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,320
Sundance.
So that is not very helpful to
36
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,240
me.
You know, this is where I think
37
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,440
dating apps need to think about
a restructuring of their app
38
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,440
just, you know, as a
recommendation for a decade long
39
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,720
single or from a decade long
single woman put where they're
40
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,920
from at the top.
At the top please.
41
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:38,560
At the top because you get so
excited because I have done that
42
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,840
this week too.
You're like hot damn, I know.
43
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,240
And you're like, wait, did he
just move?
44
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,080
Who is this person like?
I've never seen him before.
45
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,360
Utah, I know because like, yeah,
I feel like I'm best friends.
46
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,400
It's like some people at this
point, just because we've both
47
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,120
been on the apps for so long.
Yep.
48
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,440
So you're like, wow.
And yeah, you Scroll down and
49
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,840
it's, you know, they're from LAA
lot.
50
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,080
I mean, that's a big one, right?
With the film industry or New
51
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,520
York or, you know, even even
another country.
52
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,280
And you're like that explains
it.
53
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,280
Wah wah.
Wah wah, so sad, so sad and
54
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,320
nice.
Sundance is leaving too, so this
55
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,960
will never happen again.
I know the last Sundance.
56
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,720
The last Sundance.
But Utah there is your fault.
57
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,360
It is.
Yeah, so I've got some Utahns to
58
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,640
talk about today.
Oh yay.
59
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,640
So let's start out with a man
that I'm going to call Clint.
60
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,320
This will be a very short one.
Clint is 51, nice.
61
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,560
He is looking for a short term
relationship but is open to
62
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,800
long.
You'll be happy to know he.
63
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:47,720
Is so like emotionally mature.
He's open to long at 51 years
64
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,840
ease.
Amazing, right?
65
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:53,240
Growth is possible y'all.
He's got 6 pictures.
66
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,360
They're all normal except for
the very first one that he's
67
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,240
decided to display, which is him
in a winter scene.
68
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:06,440
Yes, he has snow in his hair,
snow on the lapel of his coat,
69
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,800
and seasonal.
Yes, and a snot icicle hanging
70
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,760
from his nose.
Jesus.
71
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,920
Oh my God, why?
Look at this picture.
72
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,079
It's not small.
Oh, that's significant.
73
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,960
And and he also has a facial
expression which would express
74
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,840
discomfort with the nose icicle.
Yeah, it's like he looks in pee
75
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,080
and it's a big.
Nose icicle like it goes past
76
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,560
his lower lip.
Yes, like I would imagine he
77
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,480
even felt it.
But also you uploaded the
78
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,240
picture.
Did you check it?
79
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,360
And put it as your number one
picture.
80
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,800
Oh my God.
Clint, what are you doing?
81
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:45,120
Like dude, there's also like
tools he could Photoshop it
82
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:45,920
right?
Like what?
83
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,560
Well, it's not even a flattering
picture, No, even without the
84
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,600
nose icicle.
No, because he does look like he
85
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,920
isn't.
He's like either on the toilet
86
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,520
or he does.
He and yeah, he kind of looks
87
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,520
like he's taking a dump.
There's a strained look on his
88
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,800
face.
So yeah, maybe some fiber and a
89
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:05,960
tissue.
For.
90
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,400
For Mr. Clint, I don't know.
Yeah.
91
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,800
Do you have any good pictures to
share with me?
92
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,800
You know, I don't have good
pictures, but I have this
93
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,880
phenomena.
We've come across it before.
94
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,600
I'm sure we've talked about it,
where, you know, the apps will
95
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,800
give you like a Wii prompt and
they will answer it in like a
96
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:29,280
completely illiterate fashion.
Oh yes, like not even close to
97
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:35,000
anything that makes sense.
So this one says I'm hoping, I'm
98
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,600
hoping you or look for friends
with benefits.
99
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,360
Oh, so I'm like.
Well, at least that's answering
100
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,600
the question.
In an illiterate way.
101
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,800
Sure, it's OK, Maybe this person
doesn't speak English as their
102
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,640
first language.
That's fair and I feel like a
103
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,080
bitch.
No, no, you shouldn't feel like
104
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,840
a bitch.
The where I was going with that
105
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,920
was not to criticize you, but to
suggest maybe they were part of
106
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,000
a bot farm trying to catfish
people as we've discussed.
107
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,240
Before Fair, because that that
seems like an increasing
108
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,720
phenomenon.
Yeah, I have to say I actually
109
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,720
have a a very detailed story
about that, which is probably a
110
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,720
whole other salty bite in and of
itself.
111
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:16,240
But this other guy, I don't
think it's the keys, but he is
112
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:20,080
answering my international dream
destination.
113
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:26,000
So his answer says plant
medicine and a beautiful fire in
114
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,320
the trees.
So.
115
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,920
Well, I guess a fire in the
trees is sort of a destination.
116
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,160
But is it like a metaphor for
after you take your plant
117
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,880
medicine that like?
Maybe it's an ayahuasca.
118
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,440
Trip.
Yeah, like a burning Bush.
119
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,520
Like are we going Moses style
here?
120
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,160
Like.
I don't want to be set and
121
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,000
fired.
No trees though.
122
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,080
That sounds very hazardous.
But yeah.
123
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,120
Wow, nice.
All right, well, I have one that
124
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,360
is mostly literate if you'd like
to hear it.
125
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,960
Yes.
So this is Mr. Chad.
126
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:03,400
Chad does not give his age, but
he looks to be in his 40s.
127
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:07,680
Yeah, he has three pictures.
He looks angry in all of them.
128
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,800
And I'm going to read you his
bike.
129
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,040
An angry man.
Well, he's looking for a long
130
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,400
term partner, I'm sure you'll be
happy to hear.
131
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,760
Emotionally mature.
OK so I'm going to read his bio
132
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,360
to you about me.
Not here for likes or
133
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,320
notifications on my phone.
If you are, swipe left.
134
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,680
Not here for small talk.
If you have the attention span
135
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,120
of a potato, there's the potato
tie in.
136
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,360
My God.
If you have the attention span
137
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,400
of a potato then swipe left.
Not going to send you a Dick pic
138
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:43,760
if you're the wrong you're.
If you are messaging back and
139
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,240
forth between me and other Dick
pic guys then don't message me.
140
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:51,960
I'm the only profile you should
be interested in if you're once
141
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,440
again the wrong you're.
If you're truly looking for
142
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,440
something special, I've got a
beautiful puppy that loves me
143
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,840
and is loyal.
Oh my God, I will just.
144
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:03,840
Wait until the right thing comes
along and then in all caps don't
145
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:10,240
waste my time.
I wow, I have so many questions.
146
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,040
There's a lot to unpack.
Yeah, like you're turned on
147
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,080
right now, aren't you?
Like Oh my God, like I want to
148
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,600
find this man.
I mean the potato as an Irish
149
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,440
person, that's hot, right?
But also what what exactly is
150
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,760
the attention span of a potato?
Like I've never.
151
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,919
Maybe a fish is like a common
metaphor, but what potato?
152
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:38,559
Yeah, I don't know how.
Just taking a little side
153
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,400
adventure into the metaphorical
there, I guess.
154
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,400
Yes.
Do you sense some insecurity
155
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:47,440
over this man's junk?
Because he he mentions the Dick
156
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:48,920
pic often.
He does.
157
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,240
Yes, I do feel like there is
some insecurity there, both
158
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:57,000
maybe in terms of the Dick pic,
yeah, but I also what I really
159
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:01,360
sense here is this is a very
controlling man.
160
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:06,040
What give you that idea I.
Don't know, it's just a hunch.
161
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,760
I'm just channelling your Irish
witchiness, Claire.
162
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,160
Dear God, could it be the
capital letters?
163
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,880
Could it be the lengthy list of
requirements?
164
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,640
Those ones always just like,
make me go.
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00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,400
What words like you will do
this.
166
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,440
Do not do that.
Like I want this.
167
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,400
Yeah, it's amazing to me.
He wants your full, undivided
168
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,520
attention.
You're not allowed to talk to
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00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,720
other men before you've even
swiped on this guy.
170
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,720
Does it all ends here?
Delete the app.
171
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,120
Right, immediately message me.
Delete it.
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00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,640
Oh my God, yeah.
Wow.
173
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,960
Good times, right?
Such good times.
174
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:49,720
Well, I have a guy here who, you
know, like the whole gold digger
175
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,920
vibe.
Like we talked about this on our
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00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:56,840
long episode about how, you know
women will give a guy a chance
177
00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:01,840
if he's good looking but not
very well endowed with material
178
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,040
gain.
Shall we say I?
179
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,480
Thought you were going somewhere
else with that.
180
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,560
Yeah, I don't think any of them
have ever said, you know,
181
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,520
micropenes.
Please sweat.
182
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,840
But.
Yeah.
183
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:17,640
I mean, yeah, but he says this
guy I I can't think of the
184
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,280
names.
You're give him a name.
185
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,480
What will we call this guy?
He he's like flexing with his
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00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,320
money.
So Josh.
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00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,600
Josh.
OK, Josh, the quickest way to my
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00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:34,120
heart is being humble, serving
others, OK, and being real.
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00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,120
OK, so this man wants a St.
Yes.
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00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,440
He also adds.
I know what gold diggers
191
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,800
characteristics are like.
Oh, so warning.
192
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:45,920
Wow.
Yeah.
193
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,640
Also I yeah.
What does that even mean?
194
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,520
Because honestly in my
experience in the last few years
195
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,840
it be the dudes that are the
gold diggers.
196
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,360
Yeah, this is a man who isn't
going to buy you a $5 coffee on
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00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,640
day one, right?
Yes, he's going to be the like.
198
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,360
Would you like to go order
yourself something?
199
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,960
That's right, be humble and buy
your own damn coffee.
200
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,920
Yeah, but then he tempers it.
Oh, OK, All right.
201
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:07,480
And.
He said.
202
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,680
But if you to dig for gold with
me, let's.
203
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,440
Go.
Oh yeah, okay.
204
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,960
So let's go prospecting with.
Josh Okay.
205
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,760
Josh Yeah, wow, hot stuff.
I think I'm going to pass on
206
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,360
Josh.
Yeah, I just, I, I don't really
207
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,800
want to go dig for gold with
him.
208
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,000
No, whatever that means.
No, I'm kind of grossed out.
209
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,960
It almost sounds like it's yeah,
an innuendo, even though I don't
210
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,440
think it is.
I I don't think it's, it's that
211
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:37,600
clever, but yeah, yeah.
But just like the warning.
212
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,280
Yeah, my.
Cash is is mine.
213
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,560
Sorry, buy your own coffee.
Yeah.
214
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,480
Thank you.
Yeah.
215
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,960
Well, I think we have time for
one more, OK.
216
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,320
Do you do you have one?
I do.
217
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,360
I have one more share with us.
So this is Craig.
218
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,960
Craig is 41.
Of course, I'm making up the
219
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:55,600
names.
Another.
220
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,640
Perky one another.
Young one.
221
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,480
I love it.
Craig has the most interesting
222
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,520
configuration of facial hair I
think I've ever had I've ever
223
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:08,480
seen.
Sorry, it's like a neckbeard
224
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,280
with a mustache, but like, the
cheeks are shaved.
225
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,160
Here, I'll show you.
Oh.
226
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,800
Oh yeah, it's that's like not
even Amish vibes.
227
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,800
That's like next level because
it doesn't touch the chin.
228
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,920
Right, it's.
Purely net.
229
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,040
The chin and the cheeks are
clean shaven.
230
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,200
Yes, there's a whole huge beard
on the neck.
231
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,640
Wow.
And then there's a mustache.
232
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:35,280
Maybe he was like posturing like
a lion or something, like with a
233
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,120
he was going for like the full
circle main like sorry American
234
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,640
main like.
Yeah, it is a little something,
235
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
a main vibe, yeah.
Like Lion King vibes.
236
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,560
Yeah, so it's the facial hair is
very confusing, but the bio is
237
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,280
even more confusing.
Are you ready?
238
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,400
Are you ready?
I am so ready.
239
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,000
Brace yourself.
It's Lion, man.
240
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,680
Watch.
It's only.
241
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,720
It's only two lines.
Here we go.
242
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,440
Wow, it says I'm the marshmallow
man.
243
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,800
Spongy.
What do your pajamas smell like?
244
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,120
What this?
Can't even be, that's the whole
245
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:12,680
point.
Like.
246
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,280
I do the whole thing.
That's the whole bio.
247
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,440
I don't even know whether to
like collapse into a heap of
248
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,480
despair or just like, burst into
laughter.
249
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,280
Oh my God, what do your.
Pajamas smell like.
250
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,320
Yeah, what do your?
That's his opening line I.
251
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,560
Mean, I know some men like to
smell like panties, but what?
252
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,800
Yeah.
What I absolutely do not want to
253
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,720
know what his pajamas smell.
Like no Or his neck beard.
254
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,800
What, like, I feel like there's
like food stuck in there.
255
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,360
Oh yeah, probably.
Like onions or something, I
256
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,920
don't know.
Wow.
257
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,360
OK.
What do your pajamas smell like,
258
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,280
Claire?
You know, I can't say that I've
259
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,120
ever smelled them, but I'd.
I mean my.
260
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,440
Guess is they smell like laundry
detergent or something.
261
00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:01,080
Clean, normal, showered bodies.
Like I what?
262
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,360
I just wow.
I think for the first time I've
263
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,320
been stunned into like just, I'm
speechless, right?
264
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,440
Like I don't know what to do
anymore.
265
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,840
Like I kind of want to cry a
little.
266
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,200
That's fair.
I mean, this is what's out
267
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,920
there.
All right, well, I shall gear my
268
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,440
retirement planning towards
singlehood then shall I like
269
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:28,560
dear God, right?
Well, there it is, my friends.
270
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:29,720
There it is.
Well.
271
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,080
Just, you know, if you're not
single, maybe just take a hard
272
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,440
look at your partner because
this is what's right there.
273
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,680
That's what's on the other side.
I mean, if you're into
274
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,360
marshmallow men that enjoy the
smell of.
275
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,760
Pajamas just so digging deep to
find the correlation, right?
276
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,960
I mean, maybe he was high when
he wrote it.
277
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,880
I don't know.
That's the only like or that's
278
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,320
the most charitable explanation.
I.
279
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,880
Can come up with a Ghostbusters
fan because they have the
280
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,120
Marshmallow man, right?
Yeah, just.
281
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,720
Stay puff, Marshmallow Man.
Is it?
282
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,440
Is there's no pajamas at?
Ghostbusters.
283
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,120
I don't remember a pajama tie in
We Are.
284
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,240
Really digging deep, like our
professorial.
285
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,600
Professorial.
That's the word I was looking
286
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,960
for.
Minds are like we're reaching.
287
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,040
Make it make sense.
I've got nothing.
288
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,600
No, it doesn't make any sense.
No.
289
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,120
Well, that's our salty bite for
today.
290
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,640
Whoa, that was.
Salty.
291
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,040
Yeah, dear God, a little too
salty.
292
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,240
Well, tune the next time,
friends.
293
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,680
And as always, let us know what
you think in the comments.
294
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,160
Thank you.
Day salty.
295
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,200
OK, bye now.