Mini Salty Bite: Don't Ask Questions!

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Hey salty hoes, welcome back.
This is our first mini episode

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and in our little mini episode
or little mini salt bites, I

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don't know what to call them
yet.

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We're going to workshop salty
bites I like.

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That.
Mini salts, mini salts, Mini

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salty bites mini salty.
Bites.

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Yeah, that's a mindful.
OK, we're going to workshop

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that.
We will.

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We might go with that or we
might go with something

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different, but in these mini
salty bites, we are going to do

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a little profile review from
some of the amazing potential

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matches that we're finding on
the dating apps right here in

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Salt Lake City, UT.
So Claire, you're going to,

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you've got the first profile
that you're going to, you're

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going to show me I've got your.
Future husband.

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Oh God.
Right here, I love it.

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He's the keeper.
So, yeah, we just, you know, we

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like to, we like to share
profiles sometimes and, and just

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marvel, I think Marvel awe,
yeah.

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These are all good words to
describe sometimes what we come

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across.
Shock and awe is real shock.

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And awe.
And what strikes me sometimes is

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like the exhaustive, the near
exhaustive list of things that a

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woman must be in order to win
the affections of this man.

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But this, this guy took the
approach of what not to do to

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win his affection.
So he number one, don't ask me

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stupid questions.
Oh, so no stupid questions.

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Stupid questions as determined
by who him he provides.

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Examples.
So that's that's very kind.

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So no stupid questions like one.
What was the reason for your

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divorce?
So you're not lied to, no.

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OK, whoa.
Yeah, that's not a red flag or

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anything, because clearly he
doesn't want to share.

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So what?
Is a red beyond red flag.

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Yeah, it's like it's on fire.
It's on fire.

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Yeah, It's it's yes, this is a
red flag, a fleeting.

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Flag, yes.
So we're not like to ask what

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the reason but he clarifies it's
actually see he said stupid

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questions plural but yet he only
just gave 1.

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So clearly this is his most
important question.

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And he said clarifying
statement.

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Women don't need a reason to
mess things up, and a woman who

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divorces a man like me can only
be insane.

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Oh wow.
He's surprised.

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Divorced by reason of insanity.
Yet there.

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I mean, clearly, can you show me
a picture of this prize?

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Yes, this is him here.
Oh good God, yeah.

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OK, well, prize isn't the first
word that is coming to mind.

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Not.
Necessarily.

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No, not necessarily.
But you know, he.

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Yeah.
Does he give any other

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information about himself?
He isn't quite 6 foot.

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OK, so there is that to
consider.

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But yeah, he's he's a keeper.
OK so his bio is basically don't

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ask about my divorce.
Yes, don't ask about my divorce.

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And also clearly whoever this
blessed woman was, was was a

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fool.
Well, I mean, women are insane

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generally.
Insane.

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Yeah, not even a fool.
But like, insane.

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Insane, yeah.
OK.

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All right.
What have you.

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Got has a really healthy regard
for.

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Women, I think I'm going to go
right.

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Should we swipe right?
Absolutely.

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Let's do it.
Right, well I have your future

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boyfriend here and I am going to
change the name, but I.

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Am protecting the innocent.
Or guilty, whatever.

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Yeah, but I I'm going to note
that he refers to himself as

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Irish, which is why I picked him
for you.

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So let's call my.
People, one of your people,

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he's.
One of my people right here in

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Salt Lake City.
Yeah, so let's call him Irish

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Mike, shall we?
That's not his his name, but

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Irish Mike.
Irish Mike, my bio.

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I'm Mike.
I'm tattooed.

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Yeah.
No punctuation or

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capitalization, by the way, in
any of this.

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OK.
Which I think you can also see

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from his profile picture.
Yes, quite tattooed.

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Nothing wrong with that.
But we have some between us.

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We like them.
Sure, tattoos are great.

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OK, I'm only in SAC for four
days.

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Let's go.
Oh, he's in sack.

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I assume that means Sacramento,
yeah.

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OK, let's.
Go, let's go, I.

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Feel a sense of urgency.
Indeed.

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Four days of.
Pleasure, yes.

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With Irish Mike.
Dark humor.

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I I would say so.
You're getting wet right now,

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aren't you?
I am, yeah, absolutely

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saturated.
Let's skip the small talk and

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meet up, see if we vibe.
This dating app shit is for the

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birds.
But yet I'm here hoping my

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future wife sees this.
Is he a poet?

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He might be a poet, right?
Oh my God, I moved.

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Not only am I wet, but I'm like
emotionally stirred.

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The thing about the birds.
No talking, just birds.

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Just birds and and then magic.
Yep, magic.

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Later on with the prompts he
says don't be mad if I tell you

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dad and dark jokes.
OK.

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Dad and dark jokes.
Combined.

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Unclear, low key.
I think I'm kind of cool.

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Just low key.
I'm looking for high key cool

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brother.
My character flaw is I trust too

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fast too is misspelled.
Just so you know.

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TTOTO indeed and no.
Worth noting that on Bumble he

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says he is looking for A A life
partner and B intimacy without

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commitment.
Oh, that is a great combo.

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I cuz when I'm looking for my
life partner, you know, I hope

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it's intimacy with like
commitment because those two

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things so naturally.
Go together, they go together.

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They do like peanut butter and
Jelly.

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Yep.
Wow, can we be a peanut butter

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and Jelly sandwich with Irish
Mike?

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Sure that would.
He's 56, so he'll be fun sized

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for you, Claire.
Oh yeah.

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Oh oh.
Worth noting Claire's quite

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tall.
So so are you.

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I'm I'm 57.
I'm a little above average I.

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Always feel like we're the seam.
I think you're 510, aren't you?

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I'm.
Close to 510.

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Yeah.
But see, The funny thing is, I

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always put 59 on an app.
You know, because I don't.

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I don't want to be freakishly
tall.

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Well, you're in between, so you
round down a little bit.

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So I round down, but the problem
is the man round up.

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And by roundup, you mean lie?
I mean, yeah, OK.

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And then I'm looking at the top
of their head.

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So I mean, rounding up would be
one thing, right?

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If you're 5, seven and a half, I
feel like you could say 5-7 or

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five, eight.
But if you said 6 foot that

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would be a lie.
That would definitely be a lie,

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yeah.
All right, what else do you have

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for me?
Speaking of lies, this is a

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frequent one that we see, and as
naive as I was, it wasn't until

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a friend of mine pointed out why
this happened.

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So you know, like when you sign
up for an app like there's

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definitely a lot of CFT
protocols in place or just

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accuracy protocols.
And so you know how you'll put

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in your date of birth, but then
it will say it confirms your

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age.
Yes, there's lots of things.

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There's lots of points when
you're setting up your profile

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that you could be like, oh,
look, an error occurred.

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Let me fix my age.
So it says 56, not 46. 10 years.

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10 years, that's a lot, but I
guess the reason is is because

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then they get into the younger
age of the younger girlie of.

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Course.
And whenever I heard that, I was

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like, I will never ever.
I don't care how good looking or

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how their credentials signed, if
you've lied about your age to

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get into the younger girly
search, that would be a hard

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pass.
So it's.

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Super for.
You all tip for you all.

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I didn't know that.
Did you know that?

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I did.
Yeah, I didn't know that.

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Well, not before I, you know,
started on this apps.

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I just like very recently like
disturbingly recently learned

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that so, but this guy has stated
libs dot dot dot sorry.

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Sorry, I'm so disappointed
already, Claire.

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Yep, just libs.
Sorry, but something that might

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be surprising you or surprising
to you about this man.

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It is something I see a lot.
Can't stand drama.

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He doesn't like any drama, bless
him.

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He's just a chill guy.
He's just a chill guy.

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He wants to chill life.
He wants to do all the things

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with with with no no restraints.
So what I hear when I hear no

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drama is please don't have
feelings or needs.

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None.
Is that what you?

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Think too dramatic?
It's too dramatic.

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It's too dramatic.
Don't ask me for anything.

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Nope.
Too, too dramatic so.

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But he does like pickleball.
That's a.

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Plus, and he said that he really
likes to have fun and spend time

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with positive, optimistic
people.

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So yeah, I'm not sure if the
drama is that positive or

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optimistic.
Well, the lion is not that

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positive.
No, and he also said that he or

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he actually spelt etcetera
wrong.

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And you know the thing I wonder,
I mean you, you and I are are

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professor.
So we we notice like spelling

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and we're just.
Conditioned.

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To do it, we're not being
assholes, we're just like.

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We we notice.
It right It's it's literally our

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job to notice.
But do they do they just is the

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audacity so big that they ignore
the red line because like, there

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are there are things that help
us with spelling these days.

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Spell check.
Yeah, it's right there.

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There's a wee red line, so like,
do they just?

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Go screw.
You like no drama, just even the

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spell check.
Is red lines are for libs

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Claire, Yeah.
They're for libs, libs only.

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So, so yeah, he he wants to grab
coffee.

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Let's grab coffee.
Well, we are out of time for our

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mini salty bite.
Salty bite.

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Salty bites.
So we're going to sign off and

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we'll see you next week.
See you later.

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Bye.