Episode 1 of Infinity: The Bar is in Hell

0:22 Hello. Hello. My name is Claire. I'm Mel. And together, we are the salty hoes. Welcome back to another episode. We're so excited to be here today. We are. I've missed you. It's only two. Two. It's only been a few days but I feel like it was too long without you. I feel the same way. I think it's because we practically lived together. Last weekend we did. It was like it was a it was a heartbreak. Yeah, it was a magical weekend, it. Was a very magical. And then I got, you know, withdrawals. Me too, yeah. It was like, can it just not be like this every day? I know it should be like that every day. I that would be the best life to just be like that every day.

1:04 Agreed. You never know, Stranger things have happened. We are also back in our our home studio, as we call it. We. Are yes. It was not available last time so we were shut up in a little hot box it was. So sweaty. Yes, deeply sweaty so we can see each other's faces. I love that when our mouths are speaking. So we're not talking over each other non-stop. This is going to be going to be a lot better of a setup. Yes, I agree. And we have a great, great topic this week. We sure do. Tell us about all about it, Mel. Well, I think we're going to discuss angry men that we've met or or have avoided meeting. Perhaps in some cases, yes.

1:46 Is that right? I think that that is very right. And you know, we did do a previous episode at Caliban and the Witch about that we book and we talked about this sort of low level or not so low level in some cases, like contempt that it feels is out there, particularly on dating apps. And to be very clear, we're trying to understand it rather than, I mean, we condemn it also because, yes, anger at strangers as it is sometimes is not good. And, you know, it just seems to be like more of a pervasive thread. Would you say that's that's? Accurate.

2:28 Oh, absolutely. I think the dating apps are kind of full of men. The exhibit either thinly veiled hostility or not at all veiled hostility towards women. And we see it sometimes in the BIOS when the BIOS are just kind of like insulting like from the get go. Sometimes they're body shaming, sometimes they're shaming some other things. Sometimes they're using the space to talk about how women suck rather than to talk about themselves. So we see that and we do not match with those men. But sometimes, you know, 1 gets through our filter where they seem pretty normal or nice. And then we, when we match with them, maybe we even go on a date or two and then we find, I don't know, the button or we find the untapped well of hostility and it's just something that we run into a lot. So we're going to talk about it.

3:21 We're going to come at this, I think, from a couple of perspectives #1 like Claire said, an academic perspective, maybe like how do we understand this? But also, I think the hope for me is to turn some of these quite unpleasant interactions into laughs. Yes, because that's what we do. Yeah, for your enjoyment and ours mostly for your. Pleasure. Well, and, you know, sometimes if you didn't laugh, you might cry because there's sometimes with, you know, these interactions that we'll talk about that I do come away feeling just icky, like just not good, Yeah. And upset even sometimes. And I think I've had to learn to manage it, such as the frequency.

4:03 And as we talked like before we started recording, like there comes a time and you're like, is it me? Like, am I saying something? Am I like, do I need to think about my texting etiquette? Like what what is going on here? That this, it seems so common. And you know, I was off the, the dating apps for quite some years and I, I do think it's worse. I think you're right. I mean, I guess I've only been on the apps very off and on for about four years, but I think I've spent a lot more time off than on to be honest. I just haven't really had the bandwidth to date and I don't know it just every time I do, it's disappointing.

4:45 So I haven't like done that much of it really, you know, also, I have really very little time to do it in between. Like, you know, all my lovely friends, my my work and and my son. Like I don't want to be leaving my son at night to like go date weird men, right So. This is very true because you will have a much more pleasant evening with your child. And yeah, I there's not a draw for me to seriously or serially did anymore. Like it takes a lot for somebody to get through the filter. And then when they do, it takes a lot to get to a date for me where's like before I would have had two dates in one night.

5:28 And like when I say before, I'm talking about like eight years ago, like quite some time in my younger days, I, I would have had multiple dates a week and not even thought about that. Just I have no interest because as you said, there's better things that I just feel like I could be doing now. I know and it's it's a struggle right, because I would like to have a boyfriend but I don't want to go on dates Yes. I know. Well, that's it. Like, I sort of fantasize about a situation of, you know, oh, maybe it's something I know already or or maybe it's, you know, we'll just fall into this mutually excited space. And yeah, I think that should just only exist in the realm of fantasy because I mean, I don't want to be despondent or there's never going to happen, but I feel like it's never going to happen. I definitely have more days like that than days where I'm full of hope and optimism.

6:24 And can I just point out as like a, like a, a benchmark, shall we say, like you and I, I would say, sorry, I'm speaking for you right now. But I believe that we share a general life approach. Like this is a whole other topic which we'll do an episode on. But like menopause and aging because you and I are like, yeah, fuck that. Like we're, we don't want to buy into like then the negative narrative around it, you know, and, and we will seek out the positive things that you can do and to look after your body and to, you know, like we share a hopeful vision generally of life. Yes, I think that's right. Yes. And so let it be known then like we're really, really, really, really trying to be positive about dating. And then, you know, there's just situational psychology and really simple terms, right?

7:19 If you walk into a room full of blue chairs and there's one yellow chair in the center, and every time you sit on the yellow chair it gives you a shock, you are going to start to mistrust yellow chairs. Indeed, and so I don't know what on earth you could be analogizing here. The men. 'S AKA are yellow chairs. Like I, I'm really trying, I'm really trying and it's, it's, it's getting more difficult because I think like anger is a feeling gives me major ick. Yeah, I me too. And, and it also exhausts me. It's very, very tiring. I don't like to be really mad. I mean, and if I like do get angry, I like it to just be like a white hot like surge of righteous anger and then have it subside and like just go about my day, if that makes sense. Yeah.

8:13 And the fact that you're even aware of that, you know where you're like, because experiencing it, right? It's it's there for a reason like stress or fear or you know, it's, it's good, but the the part that is missing sometimes is 0. I am feeling anger. Should I go for a run? Should I, you know, punch my punching bag? That's should I like a real 1, not like. You know, not like a human. It's not like a human. Or, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna do something. But I think the problem is then that clearly a lot of men get upset in dating apps because we don't answer in a way they think we should and they just explode.

8:55 Yeah, and, and it can like turn on a dime and it's really strange to me. So strange, like it's not predictable. Yeah, that's right. Absolutely. Well, should we get stuck into a few examples or a little little follow up maybe on on previous? Men's, I think we should, but I do have one more thing to say first just and I'm going to speak for both of us since you did, I think I will as well. I think at this point. We can. We can. Yeah. We know each other well enough. Yes. I think there's a comment that I get a lot, and you do too, which is how on earth are you still single? Yes. And you know, I think people look at us and are like, hey, objectively you 2 are each like the whole fucking package.

9:42 Which is lovely. Thank you, friends. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I think not to be like super boastful, but I think we are both beautiful. I think no, it's true. And I'm speaking for myself too, so you know. I'm. Gorgeous. I'm gorgeous. I think we both have rock and bods, right? But not just that. We are smart, we are funny, right? We are kind, we take care of our friends and the people in our lives. We both own businesses that are successful. We're financially good and we don't. We're not. Looking for stuff? Yeah. We're not insane, OK? We're not like crazy bitches.

10:24 I have a moment or two, but but yes, we're pretty chill. Yes, chill. Reasonable. I would. Say chill, reasonable and fully formed human beings. So then you feel like well come on, like I actually am a catch. Like where? But every man we run across tends to be disappointing, problematic. Like what even is the word I know? That's the thing because it's like some of them seem to be excited about some of those things that you mentioned, but then it's it's almost like you meet them and they then hate you for the things that they said. They were attracted to you for Oh my God, that's such a good point. So yes, they are simultaneously attracted to, but also repelled by and potentially intimidated by the very things they say they want.

11:16 Yes, and it comes out like in the angry ways then and like I am all about trying to understand where people are coming from and like you know what's going on or but what like then like what is the solution there are do you have to make yourself worse? To be liked. That is not the solution, I think. I think both of us have experimented with that. We have definitely dipped our toe perhaps an entire foot into that whole. Leg, you know, whatever. Maybe completely submerged all the body parts. A little baptism by immersion in the Lake of Contempt.

11:59 Oh my God, I love that you. You are so good with the the titles. I love it. You know, all the time, which could be another reason why a man would hate you. But yeah, like, like, what is it? What is it? Like what? What? I just, I don't know. We're just trying to process out loud here friends. If anyone has an idea, please call us. Yes, let us. Know reach us out of your misery or and you know, as I've said before, this, this isn't a Dick punching episode because that's what you get accused of. But I'm just I'm in I'm in wonder. I'm I'm like why like? I do have a question which is when do we get to record the Dick punching? Episode you're like but can we?

12:43 I'm ready for. That, I mean, honestly, I don't know. Like, I don't know. I'll speak for us both. Again, I don't know how much more of this we can take. I know, right? Just patience is wearing thin, folks. Yes, yes, very, very thin. Yes, very thin. Like a like a middle-aged man's hairline. You could say you went. There. Sorry, that's mean, but also not because yeah, I'm just tired. I'm tired too. I'm tired, You and I both sort of like semi lamented on Sunday. Like, we don't, we don't even want to get married. Could we just have like a nice boyfriend for a while? Yeah, like someone to do activities with. Yes.

13:25 Like Sunday afternoon stroll like. Something. Just, you know, because I worry that I'm actually like, I won't be able to at some point. Yeah, like what if, what if? Because even I see I'm like talking in fragmented sentences. No, you're not. My like, I feel emotional about this because it's just like I worry that I have become an avoidant man basically sometimes because you know, I'll be like, I don't, I don't like the color of your socks. I'm going to swipe left like or you know, you're like, God, would I know how to function with another person in my life like.

14:06 I think that if you were to come across a person who could a match you and B knew how to regulate their own goddamn emotions, that you would know how to interact with that and it would be lovely. So maybe just when you're not dating a toddler it would be fine. Right. So do these men exist? Unclear. We think so. We hope so. But you know. We, we've seen some of our married friends that that have achieved this on some, I mean. Some level you think because. You don't live in the house with them so you never know. But I don't like even. This was a completely neutral statement a friend of mine made this week where they were like, you know, oh, yeah, I said to my husband, I was doing this with you or, you know, something like that, just something completely neutral. And I got like, I was like, oh, I would have to like, hate to have a person that I would have to say, are you busy this night? Because I want to do this.

15:01 Like I just got an echo by being coupled. But that's that's where I worry sometimes where I'm like, Oh my God. I mean, I think that's fair because you've been in at least a couple of relationships where being coupled has meant being controlled. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. So it could be associated with that. I don't know, but I think that could be the case. Yeah, yeah. There is a wall that we'll need to come down a. Little Yeah. OK, well, I feel like we've lamented for long enough for the moment. Shall we get into all the lovely men that we have met or not met? Hell yes, for reasons. Yes.

15:44 So shall we do a little like recap, Oh, I love on some diets that we've mentioned and maybe not like tied up those ends. Yeah. Before we get into like the the the meaty super angry men's stories, these are just the low key angry men's stories. Yeah, I like that. Let's do that because I do have people asking me sometimes when they see me. Oh, what happened with this guy? What happened with this other guy? So yes, sure, let's do a little whip around. Where do we want to start? Should we start? What about because the German? The German was on the horizon and I don't think we followed up on the German. We didn't. OK, so the German, so if you didn't listen to that episode, just to bring you up to date, I matched with the German a long time ago and then he immediately went out of the country. So I didn't actually meet him.

16:35 And so we texted back and forth for about 8 weeks, probably before he was finally back and we met up. And in those eight weeks, he sent me these long novels of texts. Like you saw them. Sometimes I would have to scroll 2 times to see the whole text. My God. And you're just like, this is amazing, right? He sent me all these pictures, like all this stuff. And then it was one of those interactions where you're just like, there's nothing to say. Yeah. Right. It was just like, boring and like, hello. Hi. And yeah, there was a bit more of a language barrier than I had anticipated as well. Yeah. So that was a little bit rough, too. But honestly, it was just like, it was actually the worst of both worlds, Claire, because number one, it was boring, and number two, it wasn't like funny enough to give me good material for the podcast.

17:32 So it's like a double fail. Yeah, you're just like this is just so. Flat line. Yeah. It's not even a good story anyway. So that was pretty much it. One and done. Oh well. Rough. Did you like? Did you go on the D like after? Did you follow up with each other? Or no. Oh my complete silence. Wow. Yeah, I was going to like text him the next day or like I kind of expected he would send a text like, oh, good to meet you. And then I would have responded. But like, he didn't text anything. So I was like, you know what, I'm not going to either. Yeah, that's fine. You're. Like let's just put that in the rear view. Yeah, that's right. I already said thank you like we had. We talked after the day. I really thought he was like into it, but I'm actually quite fine that he wasn't.

18:17 Wow, if that's what happened. It's so disappointing because we were, we were holding high hope like I think on him because the you're like 8 weeks. Is a. That's a long time. Point of time and there was build up and we were hopeful and. And like you and I both were trying not to be excited. And yeah. And oh. I mean, I think the good news, at least with him, was he was as advertised. He looked like his pictures. So good. Good job, right? He wasn't a creep or a weirdo or an angry man, at least not that I saw. It was just like, blah, just blah, blah, blah. I'm laughing not at this, but at like our list of gratefulness. I'm so grateful he wasn't an angry man. I'm so grateful that you know he didn't spike my drink. I'm so like, right.

19:06 It's you have to laugh or you cry. Seriously. Never. Leave the house. I know that's where the bar is. OK, well, let me ask you. We haven't heard about Mr. Clydesdale in a long time. And Miss I mean, it's signs so grand, he signs so majestic. You know, that is like one of the weirdest experiences of my life. And I also kind of hate that on the, the the rare 2 occasions that I met Mr. Clydesdale in real life, he is a great kisser and I hate that. I hate it. I hate that for you too. I, I really do hate that like that there was never any other physical contact between us. It was just that. But I had two more disappointing, shall we say, smooches after that.

19:55 And I'm just like, Oh yeah, I, I wish I could just, you know, replace that with a better kiss or something because I, I don't know. Why I was sort of, I wouldn't say hung up on this man, but there was definitely a draw. Yeah. Of, of probably it was, you know, how people will say it's your nervous system on, on the wrong kind of alertness? Yeah, I think it was probably that. And I do know that we would have been bad for each other. I think I, you know, but there was undeniably some kind of a draw there for us both. But it mostly just resided in, like, the smutty text land. Yeah. I mean, he had no interest ever, ever in meeting up with me. And something that was interesting about him was towards the end where it was just like, you know, we're just going to.

20:46 I don't want to keep texting you every day for the rest of my life. He called me a couple of times and appeared vulnerable, but I noticed that he only called when I sort of questioned indirectly if he was a nice guy. Oh yeah, yeah. And it was like he was calling to be like, I am a nice guy. I am a nice. Guy, let me prove it. Yeah, we'll go for coffee soon and then. Promises, promises. Crickets I. Also do have a theory that he actually has a girlfriend. Yeah, I think that's quite possible given some of the things you shared with me, like texts that didn't seem to be for you. Yes, yes. And that was that sort of came right at the end where I was like, you know what I don't?

21:30 Let's not do. This anymore because, you know, he yeah, there was one night where we'd been texting it was like he would give me these 11 literally one word answers and then we sort of said goodnight and 10 minutes later he was like, oh hey, how was your day? And I was like, I don't think this was meant for me so. Yeah. He split his time between Salt Lake and another area in Utah, shall we say, and I'm pretty sure the girlfriend was in the other area a couple of hours away. And you know, if I was coupled with somebody, I would not appreciate them sending some of the texts that he was sending to me. Yeah, definitely.

22:15 That's it was pretty suspicious. And yeah, you don't want to like be part of that. And I mean, to be fair, you don't know that he had a girlfriend. And I think, like, he didn't start making those slips so kind of late in the game, right? Like. Literally days before I cut it off because I was like, and, you know, we, we do some Internet sleuthing and I was like, oh, OK. And I was like, yeah, I do not want to be a part of that. Like. Yeah, yeah, totally fair. So no more Mr. Clydesdale. I mean, I think that is good because like you said, he was never going to be like a relationship. But I am a little sad that you never hooked up because just like sometimes don't you think like when they're good kissers, you're like, I bet you're good at kissing other places you're.

23:02 Like that may be a fun evening. But like, maybe you know how to use your mouth, which some men do not. Oh no they do not. Which can I ask a question about that? Of course you can. Sidebar maybe I'm naive but this has happened to me on the last two kisses I have had and I didn't like it and I'm like is this a is this a thing that I've missed, just missed my entire life? I do not. This is maybe TMI. I don't like the whole sucking on your bottom lip thing. Yeah. I don't like that. It's not super my favorite either. Yep. Especially when it's like the whole like bottom lip. It's like a giant. It's like suction is applied.

23:44 It's like, yes, you're like, sorry for the noise. We needed the noise because it's kind of weird to me. And also I like permanently have like a little bit of blue on my bottom lip. Like I was like, am I dying to my doctor? And she was like, oh, God, yeah, that turned blue in front of my eyes. And I was like, should I worry? And she's like, no, I, you're fine. And so. But I see it in pictures sometimes and I'm like I do not need any more blue on my bottom. Lip. Because I'm like a little Peach, I bruise easily and such is the force of the suction. Yeah, it doesn't need to be that forceful people. Well, especially.

24:24 If it's just like low key after a date in a street, it's like, you know, we're not having mad crazy sex here. Like yeah, take it easily kissing me by my car. Right and maybe like put the whole tongue back in your mouth like I don't mind a little tongue, but when it's like a first kiss and you're. Like in a parking lot. Sticking a tongue down my throat? How about no? You're like, let's work our way up to that maybe. Right. So yeah, hard pass on the the bottom lip. Action Sorry, I just I meant to. Ask you that many. I like it. I'm like, is this a new development? Is this being heavily featured in porn right now? Because why are they? I mean, all two people because, you know, I don't have a very hot dating life, but I'm just like, why? Don't do it, salty Bros. Don't unless it's asked for.

25:07 Don't do that. Fair. Yeah, OK, so no more Mr. Clydesdale, wah wah, Boo Hoo, but also maybe good. Yeah, well, one that I know, like a lot of people have even asked me about, is Mr. 11 Oh my God, everybody asked about Mr. 11. They asked me to like I get a lot of questions about Mr. 11. Yeah, we have a very on again off again even communication. So he will peace out for weeks or months at a time? Often months, yeah. And then always he comes back. Yeah, right. Like we could bet our bottom dollar on it. Yeah.

25:50 Yeah, for sure. So we didn't really talk or text or anything for quite some time, but recently he did get back in touch. So we've texted a little bit, not a ton. No plans at the moment to see him, but I don't know. This this guy? But Claire, I know I should just, like, probably block his number. But here's the thing. When you, like, go on dates and they're disappointing or you do all these talking stages and they're boring and disappointing and exhausting. Yeah. And then Mr. Levin texts and you're like, well, I mean, I know what this is like. I know the pluses and minuses, but also I'm horny. Yes.

26:33 And. Also dude is hot. Right. And I know at least fun and fun. I know. Oh my God. See, that's the thing I know. Like at least. Yeah, you know, it's sexy times. I'm not going to be disappointed. No. Yeah. Here's a man that knows how to use his tongue and everything else right. He's. All the things. Gifted in every physical way, shall we say. And he knows what to do. So it's like, you know, it's hard not to keep going back to that well. You know I love and hate it for. You. I know he. Really is a very fine specimen and. It's not just like the physical, he also has a lot of good qualities.

27:13 So like you said, he's fun, he's funny. Yep, he can be extremely charming. So much. Yeah, he's whip smart. So like you can have an actual conversation. Like he's hot. Oh my God, it's so hot. Like he reads a lot. Like we have many, we have the same books. Oh. My God. Yeah, like he he reads more books than I do. Like he is so smart, Yeah. And so interesting and like we have great conversations, but then, you know, there's this other very avoidant side as well. Yes, and and sometimes angry and I don't exactly know why or like what to do about it. So you know, it's it is what it is, so.

27:54 Well, I am probably a very bad friend in that I'm like. You're like, get it. Jump on that. But you know, as the caveat to that is we know exactly we, we don't have expectations. We're not like you're going to marry this man. Right, like we, we're like, this is what it is. It's a realistic set of expectations with him. We know what we're getting here, right? So why not just? Why not? Cuz as you say, like it's not like you go out on a date and you're like, gosh, that was, that was like deeply intellectually stimulating. Like I'm not even talking about the other stuff. Right. Like why does he have to have it all? Like I'm so sad and mad about this for you. Like could could we just find like an ick point? Because you know, like when you find the ick and you can't really get past it, like.

28:47 Yeah, there doesn't seem to be 1. It's not there. It's it's so like, what is that level of chemistry? I even had that with Mr. Clydesdale a bit where I was trying to be icked out and I couldn't. Quite do it same exactly same like I've tried to convince my. Body like yes, we don't like this. You know what it's like, Claire? It's like, have you ever? I mean, most. Most, most cats get high on catnip. Not all of them do. But like, you've seen a cat where it's like rubbing its head and all its body, like on catnip. This is me. This is literally me. It just short. Seriously. It short circuits everything. Yeah. And. You know, it's so real, which is probably why I encourage rather than discourage you. I have to say, though, like if I ever like if it was ever to a point where it was getting like, I'm not saying it doesn't, you know, make you upset sometimes or sad or, but you know, if it was really sort of emotionally crippling or, you know. I'm still living my life and I think you can see that I'm not. I'm not crippled.

29:54 Exactly. And so that's where I'm like, well, why would you not? Exactly. It's sort of like better the devil you know, kind of rational. Or better something than nothing sometimes, right? Right. Otherwise you're going to turn into me who's like. Stop. No, but like where? I'm just like, I, I don't know. I don't know how to do this anymore. Like it's been 84 years. Yeah. So, yeah. OK. Watch this piece with Mr. 11. Yeah, I guess so. Wow. Yes, OK. Who else do we need to to follow up on? I think Mr. High Rise, Mr.

30:35 Tennis Guy. Oh yeah, OK, so Mr. High Rise, I have not heard from again. So no updates there ever since that gigantic meltdown over tax that was like, it was so bizarre, so weird. Like it just none of it actually made. Like it wasn't coherent. Like none of it actually made sense at all. And it wasn't even like you got to point where he was like, like even being a jerk. It was just. Yeah, it wasn't that at all. Like it wasn't angry, it was just bizarre. So. Bizarre. Yeah. Like I really thought he was like on a substance because nothing he was saying actually, like, made sense. So. It kind of adds up as the only rationale because I know people can be avoiding or say weird shit sometimes because they don't want to, you know, say, oh, it's not a match or but like you just had this fantastic time together and then you got I'm sick and then you got drivel.

31:27 It right, like it was doesn't even avoid it. He wasn't avoiding like talking to me. He was just saying things that like literally made no sense in this world, yes. So that was weird. Anyway, so whatever, that's over. OK, goodbye Mr. Hi Rise. I did see him on the apps. OK, well, great. Great to know he's he's still out there doing his thing. He's up and at them, but yeah. Back in his manic phase, maybe. I mean, there's something doesn't mean he's engaging. I'm sure people all the time are like, well, people all the time. I don't know who these people would be. I am terrible at checking in on the apps. Oh yeah, me too. It could run for years. And I would forget. Yeah, same. So like, I'm sorry if I didn't reply, but it's it's not because I'm being a Dick. I just, I'm absent minded. Yeah, same.

32:09 Yeah. Oh. OK, well, OK. Well, we wish. You well, Mr. High Rise. Yeah, I mean, no hard feelings. I just don't understand what happened. You're just like deeply confused. You're like, OK, OK, cool, moving on. I hope you're OK. Like, wow, yeah. Well, Mr. Tennis. Guy yeah, I mean, I think we mostly wrap that up. So he we had two dates. I think that the last one I told you about like I had all the chemistry with the girlies at the table next door. Not so much for him, but I I did actually see his picture posted on the Facebook group the are we dating the same guy? Right? Like somebody posted the picture and was like, hey, NET and I actually responded and so did another woman. And we both said the same thing, which is like, hey, like it wasn't a match.

32:56 Like there wasn't chemistry, but like he was kind and he was respectful. So I think it's nice to know that at least, like, you know, there are guys out there. It's just, yes, we just weren't a match. That's all. It's just not a match. Yeah, that actually reminds me of something I'd blocked from my mind. But I had a a date with a guy, I have no idea, sometime in the recent ish past. And we just went for coffee. It was fine. It was just fine. And you know, after he was like, would you like to see each other again? And I was just like, you know, I just, I don't think it's a match for me, but thank you. It was lovely. And he was like, cool, thanks for letting me know. And yeah, it was just nice. I like that. Just pleasant adult. Adult.

33:37 Grown up. But I mean, sometimes, honestly, I hesitate to say that because sometimes the reaction is super angry. You don't know what you're gonna. You don't? Yeah. I literally had to sit with my therapist one day to write a text to tell somebody that I had a fine time with them at coffee. But I it just, it just wasn't a match for me. Like there was nothing wrong with them. I just, it's just sometimes not a match. But I had so much anxiety over it because they kept reaching out and I was like, oh, I do. But what if they? And she was like Claire, you can say. And I was like but I'm so scared. Yeah, well, I think there's two things going on there. Like #1 we get scared of the reaction we're gonna get because sometimes it's like, raging, Yeah. And #2 I think like, as women were socialized to be people pleasers and it's a hard habit to break. It's a very hard habit to break, like to say no, yeah and yeah. And then you're suddenly on your third date going. Why?

34:35 Why? Why did I agree to 1/3 date? I didn't want to go on the second one and here I am. Oh, my gosh, I I did do that a couple of months ago on the first date. I could, I mean, within the first couple of minutes. Isaac, Yeah, this isn't going to be a match. And I happened to mention like, something that I do sometimes. And they were like, oh, can I join you? And I was like, yes. Sure. OK, and it was really awkward and I should have just said. Maybe or yeah, we'll see or something. But you do get like worried sometimes. Yes, you're like, you don't quite know. Lose or shit like, yeah, well thank you Mr. Tennis. For yeah, for showing that not everybody is like that. Yeah, yeah, it's so.

35:20 Nice to just wrap it up like that. Yeah. And then, you know, maybe you bump into them again and, and you're like a pleasant man. Totally cordial. Yeah. You're like, wish you all the best, like hope things are going well. I really do. Yeah. Yeah, well, all right. Well, should we get into some not so pleasant stories? OK. We'll dive a little deeper. Here all right, let's do it. So I've got one to share with you. So this is a person I matched with several months ago. OK, quite quite a while ago yeah. And this person let's call him Andrew. OK, so Andrew, I he like super liked me or whatever on the apps, you know, like you can do the Super, like the extra 1, right.

36:03 And I looked at his profile picture, first picture clearly AI. Oh, you know which that's that's a red flag. I don't like it. Yeah. And then his subsequent pictures clearly were not AI. He was much less attractive, of course, in the normal pictures than he was in the AI. And normally with AII would just swipe left. But his bio was well written. It was kind of charming. It was cute. Yeah. He had many similar interests. Also has a PhD. Yeah. And I was like, I all right, maybe I'll just match and talk to him for a little bit and see, because sometimes you're like, it's not totally there for me, but who knows? Because it's hard to tell. It's hard to tell from a bio sometimes, right? So I'm like, OK, I'll just at least have a conversation.

36:45 So we matched. He had like a little, you know, on Bumble, like they can set an opening move question, like what are your favorite activities? And I said something about bar game or like whatever. And then he said, hey, I see that you're from your hometown. And I was in an adjacent city recently. And I said, oh, that's a beautiful little town. And he's like, I have a picture from there. Do you think you could guess where it is? And I said, probably not. I haven't lived there in a really long time, so. And I'm sure it's changed a lot. So new. Buildings. So no, I probably can't, like, play that game. And he was like, oh, OK, He's like, do you want to text off the app and have a phone call? And I was like, that seems a little soon. Like we exchanged about 3 messages.

37:27 Three. Yeah, at this point. Damn. And before I answered, he said, first, can you solve this Riddle? OK, first. Wait. First, yeah, I mean, I think I hadn't responded for an hour or something like that. He's like for. A whole. Hour solve this Riddle. OK. And so then he texts this with the 1st letter of each word capitalized Memory needs every method of noting important concepts simply OK, so that's word solid. But if you look at it and he's capitalized the letters, you're like, well, the first letter of each word reads mnemonic. So instantly I said mnemonic. That's easy, simple, right? Like this is a third grade problem. Did.

38:07 Did. Did that mean you passed the test? Well, I asked that in a like just a second and I was like, well, we could potentially have a call like later this week or whatever, but I've got a bunch of plans, so we'll just have to work around it. And he said, send me your number, I'll call you on Sunday. I was like, I'm kind of busy Sunday already. Like also send me your number like a demand. On a on a specified time after you had quite clearly said like no, would you be free? Would right? Would that work for you? Please May I have your number? That's right. Here's sometimes that might work for me. Is there like something like that? Just like a demand?

38:49 Yes. And so then I said, hey, is that a test women have to pass to date you? It's certainly original. Lols. Yeah. And then he responded with another of the same thing, like a thing where each first letter is capitalized. And this one was a spoiler for the spelling bee pangram that day. Like I put in my bio that I do spelling bee everyday. Oh my. God, I know. I'm like, OK, so first of all, you're a Dick. Yeah, you're trying. To ruin this for me. Totally right. Like I mean this kind of like simple like thing like that's an insult to anyone who's intelligent, right? Like I think what is it called an acrostic where you, like, capitalize the first letter? Yeah, I thought that was the word.

39:31 Like, it's a third grade acrostic, right? It's not. Right. So it's already like, insulting. But even like the the choice of word that he, it's just all giving me the ick. Yeah, definitely. So like I responded and I was like, if I hadn't already done it today, I would be pretty mad at you for spoiling. And he like wrote, he said something kind of like irritating. And then basically I didn't answer for like a day and a half because I was busy. I didn't give him my number because like he hadn't asked me. He just told me to give him his number, whatever. So after a day and 1/2 right he sends me a message. Oh. God, that says you are not up to my standards to date.

40:14 But if you would like to go have a beer as a friend, I would be open to that. I could be persuaded to do that. Wow, Yeah. Oh my God, so you could. So you had to beg for a friend? Beer. Well, first, potentially first, I had to pass the stupidest intelligence test of all time, right? And then the part I failed was I didn't send my number when demanded after three messages, Right. Nor was I available the time he said he wanted to call me. Yeah. And so then you get like, you're not up to my standards. I was like, excuse me, You're not up to my standards. Which is.

40:56 Why you haven't heard from me in a day and a half? Because, funnily enough, I wasn't. Hooked, right? Because, like, at first I was curious and then I was pissed off. Yeah, yeah. Because that line can be crossed very quickly. And the whole idea of testing somebody is gross. And, you know, just coming in with that level of arrogance. Like what else would you even call? It Oh yeah, like he's such a prick. Oh, so gross. Like Major Ick and then yeah, this and you know, I'm I'm glad forward slash sad that we are getting to this point of like, you know, I just that they have this idea of how and when you should respond. And if you don't, then they have to get petty and insulting. Well, that's the thing.

41:47 And it's like, you know what? You actually didn't have to insult me. If I'm not responding quickly enough to you or not giving my number as fast as you want, you're totally free to just unmatch and move on. You don't even have to say anything. You don't have to say anything. Yeah. Or you could also say, oh hey, I I haven't heard from you. Are are you A OK and and B it made me a little sad because I like you. Yeah. That's that's also an option. Or you could even be like, hey, I know we matched, but are you actually interested in going on a date? Yeah, just keep it very. Yeah, just methodical, professional, Yeah. Whatever. Yeah, Yeah. Well, yeah. So anyway, that was that. I just realized that we have not heard an update on another person that you dated recently like.

42:32 I'm all which one to make me sound like I have a great list, but I I think I know who you're very. Yeah, I think so. Like, you went on a couple of dates, am I right? And then is this the guy who works in the medical profession? Oh. Yes, this is Mr. Nurseman. OK, so we actually only had one date. Oh, it was just one. Yes. Oh, that's right. OK. It felt like more, but not. For good. It felt like an eternity. I felt like we were married for 10 years. Well, it actually really kind of aligns in many ways with the story that you just shared because I, it was so interesting. Like we matched and he quite quickly was like, do you want to get a beer on Friday?

43:18 And I was like, oh, I'd love to because sometimes it's nice if they do ask you quickly because, you know, a lot of people don't. Yeah. And I said that would be great, but I'm actually out of time on like a work trip. And so I I said to show enthusiasm, but I'd love to next Friday. Nice. And I instant tone change. Oh, OK. And I'm like, wow, I'm sorry, I have a job and didn't align it with your schedule of a stranger that. I mean, that's kind of crazy, especially since you proposed an alternate date. Like I can't see it. It's it might be a little disappointing if you're like, are you free Friday? No like right, But you were like no, but I would love to this day.

43:59 And here's. Right. Yeah, exactly. I'm in another state too like I can't manage. It you're not like #10 on my list of like mentally like you didn't. It wasn't something like that. Like it's so weird. No and like and you could just feel the vibe. Like, yeah, totally. Which God, like every time I'm like Claire, please notice that. And maybe just don't like go on a date that that would be really, really great. So, so, yeah, we got past that. We text quite often because, you know, it is about a week and a half then before we can meet up. And it's it's it's decently pleasant, shall we say. Like it's just fine. But I kind of start to notice that if I, you know, like if if you text me and you were like, oh, God, I didn't sleep well last night, I would go, oh, what's on? What's what's going on?

44:54 Like, are you OK? Yeah. Like, was it noisy? Was it like what? Are you stressed? Is there something I can do for you? Do you want to talk about something? Yes. Yeah. Like just like a clarifying question. And so I noticed that I would like, you know, I tried to draw on a conversation and, and be like, oh, you know, I just mentioned maybe an activity I was doing or something good I was eating and you know, cuz I was on a trip somewhere else. And all right, you know, how are you with maybe a hopefully, how are you back? And I noticed that it would just go to completely unrelated topics and no questions it. Was the no question thing. This kills me. Or or do follow up to like, you know, oh, I'm busy this week. I have two huge events.

45:42 And then he would be like, I just bought a new ramp for my motorcycle and you're like, yeah, it literally went like that. So non sequitur. Yeah. So we we finally get this this date and it's pleasant. I think that's how I returned and reported to you. Yeah, I remember that. And I was like, well, pleasant is a start. Pleasant is maybe worth a second date. And I was I was committed to a second. Date. Yeah, You didn't seem completely grossed out, so yeah. The. Lips like this. Thing happened OK, but I was still open. And I feel like you could work through that. You could. Yeah, like that's, that's not a deal breaker. We all have preferences, so it's fine.

46:22 And so, yeah, it, so we had that date very pleasant. It was a beautiful evening. We sat in a nice sort of rooftop bar and, and very, very pleasant. And he was like, I'd love to see you again. I was like, cool. I, I, I would like a second date, please also. And again, we ran into, well, can you do it like tomorrow? And I was like, no, like, as you know, Mel, the last couple of weeks have been like a little crazy bonkers, but like, this is an unusual time. Yeah, this isn't. Yeah, typically that's right. It's for a short period. And so I tried to say, look, I can understand how this might feel a little off putting and I'm not making excuses, but like this week has this, this and this. And like I, I would love to see you again. Let's maybe grab a a quick R on a Wednesday evening. I mean, so kind like you're carving out some time for him. You're like, look, everything's insane right now, but I would like to see you.

47:19 So like, here is the time I could meet. That sounds lovely. And I like I can understand how it might be off putting to be like I have a small window at 6:35 PM. I mean, I kind of get it. But you also explained, look, it's just this week. This isn't my normal life, right? Like, come on. Yeah. We got to Wednesday and I feel, I like, I felt like I'd been beaten, like I was so tired. I had a big event the next day and had two big events the next day. And I was like, look, I, I'm so bummed. I'd love to see you. Which wasn't necessarily true, but I was trying to be kind. And I was like, you know, could we shift it to the weekend and, and maybe we could grab dinner? And he was like, yeah, OK, it's fine.

48:00 And I was like, you know, thank you for being understanding. And I was like, oh, I just picked our our guest up from the airport hoping that he'd be like, who? And I even thought at the back of my mind, maybe I should invite him to the event or something. Oh, no. Not after one day. Yeah. No, I'm glad you did not. Yeah. So this is good because sometimes I like judgment and so. You're, I mean maybe, but I feel like you always are on the side of giving people too much grace and being too client. I'm going to reduce that with men, which is fair. Not with my girlies, just just with the Mens but I'm making this too long. But anyway, he he did not and proceeded with ice. I bought 2 bar stools today on Facebook marketplace and I was like I'm so happy for you.

48:46 Like I was trying to be like, wow. Big news, everyone. Hey, okay, yeah, you just saw the presses. Ignored everything I said but it's it's it's all good so weird. Yeah, it was great. So Friday morning comes and he texts me and says going like the hammers again question mark. And I was like oh, it's finally slow and dying had early drop off at the airport and then he said oh nice. I don't know if 8 is too late for dinner for you. And I said today question mark and he said no tonight, which? Wait, tonight is part of today, Sir, Yes. I'm like, you know, it's also 9:30, so I figured it wasn't one hour ago. Yeah.

49:29 And then he just said by the time I get home and shower and pick you up. Oh, wait, what? Which I'd never agreed to because this was the second date and. I was not. We're not. Ready to give out our address? Yes. And he said I'll be there at 8:00. And I said well, yes tonight, lol as we've definitely missed 8 this morning, ha ha. But we didn't make plans for tonight. Question mark. I thought we just said the weekend. Ah, no worries, I'm pretty tired anyway. Oh, I was like, OK, OK, so were you offended at my response? Apparently that's yeah, like deeply, deeply, deeply offensive. And I just said, wait, what? I was like, what?

50:12 What just happened? And oh sorry, I guess I took what you said as you weren't up for tonight. And I said no I didn't say that. I just said did we have plans? Like did I space it because that could have happened. Anyway it it was so over laboured and he sent me a bullet point list. Well it was numbered actually for my convenience. And he said I guess if the shoe would have been on the other foot my response would have been 1. Sure 8 is great or two, sorry I have other plans and didn't know you wanted to do something tonight. Or option three, I'm not interested because of insert reason here.

50:52 Holy shit so I got a blow by blow a kind so how I should have? Responded Yeah, you got instructions. Yes. Which is crazy because you weren't even like saying no to the date. You were just trying to figure out like what was actually happening. And I was like starting my own like memory because I was like, wait, what did we plan something which I do do you often I I. Will. No, not often. Well, no, I'll say like even today I was like, it's today right at this time, you know, like you check in. Yeah, for both of us. I think that's important because I could just as easily drop the ball. I went to see a friend speak and like if I hadn't like, you know, had it in the front of my mind when this person was like, let's go get lunch. I might have been like, Oh yeah, like I'll go get lunch. And then I halfway with three whatever remembered. Oh shit, I was supposed to like be seen you so. But because you checked in, I was like, actually like, let's I I would love to like catch up, but short something shorter. So we had coffee instead.

51:46 Oh, nice. Yeah, it was very nice. Cuz things slip our minds sometimes or or we'd lose what day we're on. Oh God, if I don't put it on my calendar it's like, forget about it, it's not in my head. It it's just not gonna it's just gone. So it just it went to crickets. This is a man that texts all the time. And then then I got this text cuz I said I said so that so that's all it took, huh? I said, are we minor misunderstanding? Ha ha. And I did the crickets just trying to keep it light. Yeah. And he said, honestly, the way you handled the whole thing was a major turn off for me. Oh, was it? Yeah. I'm sorry, Sir. I'm so sorry I turned you off. It. It How dare you? I I took way too long than I should have to get here, but it reminded me of that text you got. Like you're actually not good enough for me anymore. Yeah.

52:35 Yeah. And then he said, I apologize multiple times, tried to off ramp multiple times. Wait, he did took accountability for my mistake and I'm like wait. What? No, he didn't do any of those things. So I just said were there texts I didn't get? Like, I don't like perfect response, did I? Did I miss something? And and then I, I said it's so disappointing the online dating seems to always have to turn out with people being so mean, like, right, Yeah. That is disappointing. And he? Said that's not been my experience, so maybe look in the mirror. Holy shit. Wow, fuck that guy. I just said as he rhymes it off with the mean comment. Uh huh. He thumbs it and we've never spoken again.

53:16 Good. Yeah, please never speak to that guy again. What an asshole. Did it? Escalate did an asshole. Melissa Rella, These are the questions I have. Why? I don't understand that at all. No, nothing that you said deserved that kind of response. It just could have ended nicely. It could have, yeah, yeah. Or he could have like clarified instead of being like, well you did not match what I had in my head for you to say. Like I got a numbered options of hi I should have. That's fucking ridiculous. OK, dude. Yeah. Wow. Nice. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah, good. Just just good times. Yeah, good times.

53:58 We we see a pattern emerging. Do do you have any other? Lovely. Stories. I definitely do. Sure. I've got one more that I will share with you this. 1. OK, All right, so I'm matched with this guy. I'm not even going to give him a name. He doesn't deserve it. So. Nothingness. Yeah, so I matched with this guy. He was, I thought he was kind of cute in his pictures and his bio was said he was from New York and he had just recently moved. To Utah. That's so hot. Yeah. Right. You're Speaking of Utah. You're like, sure, somebody new, right? So we matched a message and I was like, hey, welcome to Utah. How do you like it so far? That's a big change from New York. Yeah, OK, he responded.

54:39 I do love it here. Utah is so beautiful. Next message. Do you have any favorite New York Times colonists? And I was like, huh, OK, that's a little like, yeah, you know, but at least he's asking me a question, so that's cool. That's. Really. Cool. Yeah, one would think, Claire. And so I was like, kind of racking my brain because I'm like, it's been a while actually, since I've read the New York Times opinion page, to be fair. Because it pisses me off to be honest. Yes, I used to enjoy the New York Times. And then given their coverage of the genocide, I was like, yeah, cancelling my subscription. Don't Yeah need you anymore. It's totally agree. And particularly, I think the editorial page, it's just so weird and gratuitous and, like, there's not much I enjoy about it. So I hadn't read it for a while.

55:25 So I, like, kind of looked at it really quickly. I was like, oh, yeah, who did I like? Yeah. And so I said, oh, that's a great question. I like Ezra Klein and David Wallace Wells. How about you? I said. My least favorite Brett Stevens and Ross Doothout. Is that how you say his name? I can never remember. Anyway, they're kind of buffoons, right? It's a great response. Right. And it's like those are the 2 main conservative columnist for the New York Times and I think they're both buffoons, right? I think like at least David Brooks has occasionally something interesting to say and a lot of bullshit, but like. At least. Some of what he says, I'm like, OK, at least that's an interesting point, right? These two are kind of clowns, OK? He responds with two black and white pictures of Martin Luther King and then a long like, I have to scroll several times. Oh my God.

56:13 Look at the. Size of it. Oh my God, I'll read it to you. Yeah. It's the only thing big about this person. He. Says, please don't take this personally, but it's funny. You, a liberal college professor, put a disgust emoji next to Brett Stevens, the one columnist at the New York Times who's openly, unapologetically Jewish and pro Israel. I don't have to take that. What just happened? Yeah, exactly what just happened. What just happened? We have not mentioned Jewishness. We have not mentioned Israel. Like I don't like this guy because he's conservative even apart from like the whole thing, and because he's an asshole. And you didn't provide a reason. No, I just said these are the 2 I don't like. Yeah, right. I mean, I mentioned Ezra Klein, who as I understand it, is Jewish.

56:53 I believe so. Yeah. OK, so. The argument I. Rather have to take that I don't have to take your opinion that I asked for, right? What? And then he says I'd love to share a couple of pictures with you. The pro Palestinian liberals love to pretend they stand behind Martin Luther King. Well, forgetting that Martin Luther King was a passionate Zionist and opposed to the Palestinian movement. He called anti Zionism the denial of the Jewish people's right to a homeland and made it clear when people criticize Zionist they mean Jews. You're talking anti-Semitism. He never back groups that denied Israel. Oh yeah, Israel's right to exist. He stood with Israel unapologetically. The people who stood right next to him, side by side, were the first to March with them. The ones who stood up for black Americans more than anyone were Zionist rabbis.

57:39 And then he listed them. They stood for some values Israel stands for today. Don't forget that. And don't let your students forget that either. Wait. What just happened? What the actual fuck just happened? I feel like I have whiplash. Right. I was like, wait, what the fuck? Where did this where feels like a pre prepared speech. Come from and as fast as it came through I'm sure it was a copy paste. He did not type that all out. To me that is fully a copy paste. So he pictures with pictures, like he's doing this on the dating apps. Yeah. So I was like, wait, what? Like I thought we were just like, oh, who do you like at the New York Times? The Breeze. But apparently it was a test. It was another.

58:19 Test. Yes, another way, like the men's are trying to test us and clearly that was trying to test if I was a Zionist or not, which I mean, I am the furthest thing from a Zionist. Like fuck that, yes, fuck everything that they're doing. You would have shared your thoughts. Absolutely. He could have just asked that. But what I know you wouldn't have shared is the conflation that he put in there, that you were, because you're not a Zionist, anti-Semitic. Right. So true. Yeah. So that's a cute little insult that he's loving at me. Like, in addition to saying that I, you know, like he's telling me how to do my job. Yeah, right. Like, don't let your students forget that. He's telling me that I'm wrong.

59:01 He's making a lot of assumptions, Right. So many. I mean, I put in my bio that I'm a professor and yeah, I think I select liberal just because like, I don't want to maggot. But like, I'm not a fan of like the Democratic Party either anyway, whatever. So like, I start typing out this response like, look, buddy, yeah, I don't think Martin Luther King would have loved murdering babies, etc. And then and I was like, and if he did, then like, I'm not, you know, I don't. Agree with that, I'm not a fan anymore. Like I start typing this and then I'm like, what am I doing? Like this is clearly a copy paste situation. We're never going to have a productive like conversations. This is crazy. So I just did a block of report and like moved on. Yeah, he, it doesn't scream dialogue like, and it also feels very like Beatty because oh, totally. You know, there's this idea like he, I'm sure you're not having that discussion in biology often, like, you know what I mean?

1:00:01 It's not even my field. He doesn't even know what I teach. Exactly right. There's this perception like college professors are right there to brainwash everybody, make them communists. Like apparently through. I don't even know. Shit, like, I mean what? What the fuck? I mean, this guy's got some major Zionist chip on his shoulder and I want nothing to do with that. Thank you. Yeah. But like, man, the rage, like, that's like zero to 100 after two texts. Literally. Wow. Yeah. Like, yeah, this is, I don't know what I call this feeling. It feels like whiplash where you're just like what just happened. I know and it makes you want to vomit. Like I was just like nauseous reading this. Because the purpose of a dating app I would assume is to meet someone and to either hook up which is typically stated or to try to find a long term partner Or like why is it to chastise people?

1:00:58 And so lecturing. And you know what? If you're actually sincerely trying to find someone that shares your views, I mean, I find your views to be disgusting, but like, you could just ask. Yeah, just like, quick question, here's a deal breaker. What do you think? I could have been like, Yep. We're not a match. Goodbye. Pleasant. Or at least efficient. Yes, efficient like. Yeah, this coming in and like it's, it's almost like a a trick question. Like I get the feeling this guy's done this before. Yes, 100%. And it's probably still doing it right now. Wow, yeah. Holy. Smokes suck that guy. Like Upton and sideways like that just but the the coming at a basically stranger like that. I know it blows my.

1:01:46 Mind, it's so crazy. It's it's, it's really just off the charts. Yep. Wow. Well moving on, I know that you and I'm saving this for last cuz I know you had a couple dates. With a little cherry on top. Here with a guy. So why don't you share the whole story? Oh. My God. OK. You need a breath to. Like, you know, try to share this in an orderly fashion and not take all day to share this story. So I came across this man on the apps who is was is currently still is literally the hottest man I've seen in years. Oh boy, that's good. Gorgeous.

1:02:28 You would think. Yes. Yeah, I saw this picture. He was really good looking. He was so good looking to the point where I was absolutely convinced he was a catfish. Because, you know, like, it's not often that you see someone and you go what? You know, like sometimes I go, OK, OK, this could be be, you know, I blur my eyes. Could make it work, but like I was literally like stopped in my tracks. Very attractive like he was gorgeous, super snappy dresser. You could tell from the pictures which is hot, right? Yeah, there's just a lot of men on there with, like, hats and stains on their T-shirts and yeah, this guy's hair. Oh, fuck. Like damn.

1:03:09 You love a full head of hair. I love it, but he had good hair. Like he had styled hair. Oh, that's. Nice like it was. It was almost like Tan France, kind of. Hair. Oh, I love it. So perfect. Not the Utah faux hawk. Not the Utah faux hawk, you know, where you're like, Oh my God, are you from here? But. And he was but like, he was just startlingly hot. And I was like, OK, And then as you may know, listeners and Mel that I kind of have a height thing. Yeah, and you know, you're 5 tons, so I get it. Maybe you don't want to like, swoop down on these poor little men these. Tiny men. And here's the thing. That's no shade on the men, of course.

1:03:51 This is where it's rooted. Because I feel like a behumoth. I don't want to feel like a Bahuma. And I, you know, I guess there's like also I, I expressed this many years ago, unrelated to my children, that I didn't want to date a shorter man. And they, they told me I had internalized misogyny. As you know, children will correct you sometimes. And I I agree. Like there probably is a part of that in there where, you know, I want this taller, bigger man to wrap his strong arms around me and, you know. Yeah, I do. But I would kind of I'd push back a little. So maybe that is rooted in that I would say you're a gorgeous piece of art. But I I also that was true.

1:04:32 But I feel like society kind of like there's a little like weird thing about tall women, right? Like you don't quite fit in. And sometimes you see tall women have bad posture because they're slouching. Yes, yeah. And like, yes, honestly, I think you see it a little bit, or at least maybe you did earlier with with Tay Tay with Miss Taylor Swift, because she is exactly your height. She's 510. And like, I feel like sometimes you kind of see her round up her shoulders and kind of slouch. So maybe it's a similar thing where it's like, oh, women don't take up too much space. Yes, right. So like, I get that. And then also maybe like for some of us having like this bigger man that can like pick you up, yes, it's an easy way to access that feminine feeling and energy. I love you.

1:05:14 I love you too. That was like the most beautiful assessment I have ever heard. And it's it's so true. Like I have a little curvature at the at the top of my spine because I always as a kid was always hunched. Yeah, make myself smaller. Yes, and I used to joke and say that I feel like I've grown in recent years and I would joke and say oh it's all the yoga. But I actually just think I'm not ashamed of myself generally anymore as I lean into being ashamed of my size as well. I mean, these things go like kind of deep, right? And like, I think now you've kind of learned to like take up your space, which you should, you know, I say that to my students all the time. I'm like, don't apologize for existing. Stop it. Take up your space. All the. You're meant to be here, yes.

1:05:55 Yeah, that's why I love star pose and yoga because I'm like just, you know, like sometimes the arm placement is different, but I am like stick of my wide, like love it because and it, you know, I'm not of a a petite build either, you know. But like, it's so proportional. Like you're skinny and like, so pretty. You're just like, like I said, a work of art. You're so lovely. Thank you. And I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm just saying like, you know, I've larger shoulders and you know, like to suit my frame because I'm not small, right? I'm not I'm not petite. So this but the way this man articulated on his bio was like. Hot. Yeah, because. He was like, look, I am this size and I know that you have personal preferences too, so you do you.

1:06:39 But like, please don't complain and abide it basically. I mean, he didn't say that. He he actually said it so well. And I was like. OK, and that's fair. And that's actually hot. So like just own it. You're like, look, this is who I am. If you don't like it, fine, just swipe left. But you know, don't swipe right. And then like wish it were different. Right. Yeah, like I like you, but I don't like this part. It will then go the other way. Exactly, go find someone you do like. How tall it is he, may I ask? So oh. The way, oh, I think I know what's coming next. Well, because it's so kind of funny, this was a major shift for me because it would be like one or two inches or even if somebody said they're 59, because I always say I'm 59 because I am about like 5-9 and 1/2 and 3/4. Like you're like.

1:07:24 Almost 5 yes, so I'll put. 59 on an app. So if they say they're 59, I'm like, OK, wait. Are you though? That's where are you 5 seven Yeah, exactly. And so I just, I just want to know like, it's yeah. So this this man was even smaller than that. And the way I determined it was, I was like, he is a yoga block on the smallest setting, smaller than. Okay wait, so how tall did he say he was 5955? He said 55 yes. And he is 5/5. He is OK Can confirm. OK. OK, 55. All right. So that's pretty short. Yes. OK. Yes. So you know what? Kudos to you for giving it a try. You know I really did cuz he was so funny.

1:08:06 Like we were chatting on the app and like I cannot emphasize enough how handsome this man is. Oh he definitely was, can confirm. Really cute and when I met him in real life, even cuter. Oh, I love it when that happens. Smells good. Yeah. Clothes. Amazing. Love it so. But, you know, in hindsight, you're like, yeah, that might have been a problem. So we decide to. I actually asked for a video call because fair. Sometimes when I'm like I. Think I'm not sure if you're real. Yeah, totally fair. Are you real? And so he agreed and it was lovely and it was a little robotic, but you alive for nerves, right?

1:08:48 Yeah, first dates are awkward. They just are, so I get it. And this was the video call. Oh, that was oh, sorry, the video that's even weirder. Yeah, cuz video calls are are kind of weird. And when you've never met someone, it can take a minute to warm up. I totally get that it's. Just like a little but it but it was good. But he started sending He said OK, so cuz I said something about our first date and he goes oh, this isn't a date. And I was like OK, OK. And he said no, what happens is this. And he said there will be a meet up is what we will call it. And then if we like the meet up, we will then proceed to a first date. OK. But we will not say on the meet up that we would like a first date. We will both go away and take some time. And so I will not go through it all. But there was quite a list of rules. OK, I mean, this one kind of could strike, could rub me either way depending on how it was delivered because, you know, it could be, like you said, that's a lot of rules and regulations.

1:09:48 Why don't we just kind of let it, you know, happen and flow? On the other hand, I do appreciate saying like there's no pressure to say yes to a first date, like or a second date or whatever you want to call it, a first date after a meet up or like whatever the hell. Yeah, I, I do appreciate the like not putting any pressure on it. So you can just kind of go in and like, I don't know, be like yourself and not feel like, Oh no, it's like he's going to ask me out again. Right. Like, and that is how I received it. OK. I was really trying. Yeah. I was like, OK, you were. He's being very considerate. That's lovely. So we have a meet up. Not a date. But a meet up, a we meet up, very pleasant. He was actually like adorable, like very gentlemanly opening doors and the height thing didn't feel weird. I love that.

1:10:40 Like it didn't feel too weird and I was like, OK, OK. Open to the possibility. Open to the possibility. I like it. It was good. And we had this nice little coffee date and and he was sort of like, I don't understand why you had to like video call with me and stuff. And I was like, well, women got murdered on the apps. So. Yeah. And he was like, well, I get pressure from the apps too. And I was like, my God, I'm so sorry what happened? And he was like, well, women ask me how much money I make. OK, well, that's in bad taste, but that's different than getting murdered. It's they're they're not really like false equivalent. Yeah. Exactly. So I'm like, OK, that's cool. So it was pretty brief date because we both had time constraints and we walked back to the car again, super sweet. And he was like, can I give you a hug? And I was like, yes, nice.

1:11:29 And it was it was just lovely. And then he's like, I'd love to see you again. I was like, wait, you're breaking the rules like. Your rules. Your rules, to be clear. Yes, like I was. Thrilled, you know? Yeah. And and so that was all good. Wait, wait, I have a question. What do you think would have happened if you had said that and broken his rules? Well, judged on what came now, boy. Probably not well. It wouldn't have been. I think I would have been chastised, yes, look at us in arm and. Sink, my God. Because this is all too predictable scenario. OK, yeah. So we proceed to text. It's it's honestly very cute. He he was a big meme or gift guy.

1:12:09 We couldn't we couldn't ascertain in our old people's state, like which one it was. He sent me like a little gift story of our first date. It was so adorable. Cute it was. Very cute. And he's like, well, you have to, you have to write a paragraph. And I write our first date. Wait, what? And I was like, you know. I mean, no, I don't, but paragraph, Sir. But I again trying to be. Very kind of roll with it I. Said, How about I write you a poem? You know I'm in a poetry. I know you are. And I fucking hate writing poems, but I just like, you know, let's make it fun. So did a silly little quick poem Cute. I don't. I'm not really sure if. You like it? Was it a Limerick? It it was actually she she experienced on. It very nice.

1:12:54 There was once a guy 5 which was 55. Let's see, I'm trying to. OK, we'll have to workshop the Limerick. I love limericks. Oh my God. Yeah, that I should have gone that route. Limericks are hard though. Very hard and. It was on the spot. Like boom, boom, boom, Yeah. So yes, so we did that. We planned another. I unsurprisingly had another crazy week and so I was like I'd love to see you before but it has to be next Saturday like later in the day cuz stuff in the morning yes US and the salty hills so. That is the priority. And so I am happy that obviously we both appreciate that. Oh, no plans, yeah, for. That ever so so yeah, we we meet up, he organizes everything and he makes it really fun. We go to like a little arcade fun place. Oh, I love that.

1:13:41 Super sweet, like really thoughtful and like he pays for everything. I'm like, you really don't have to do that. And he's like, but I would like to, Oh my God, Melissa, what came next was. Beautiful. Oh my God, tell me I'm on the edge of my seat. Literally. It's a good thing and This is why I'm so like what? So we we play a little game of mini golf and his little stick was so short, like his little because he's. Tiny stick. I like the little stick you never got to see. The other stick I didn't get. To the other stick. But yeah, it was, it was, it was so miniature. It was. It was cute. Miniature golfer. A miniature man. Yes, and.

1:14:21 I was just really like, I was, I was because sometimes I was like, oh, like I, I felt like, like people were staring at me. Like to be like, who are you with? Like he, like, he was just a few years younger than me. He looked good. Yeah, I saw the pictures. He did look really good. I'm. Young and like and so I to be clear, it was more about my feeling of self consciousness. I was not making fun of him. He is gorgeous. Yeah, he is gorgeous. Yeah. Really snappy dresser too. So I lose the mini golf and he said, well you've won a prize. And I was like. Oh, have I? Wow. Is it a little stick?

1:15:01 Yeah, just kidding. I love it. I'll take a little stick at this point too. Oh God. So I thought he meant like the wee cheesy prizes inside. Yeah, like a 20 ball or yeah, like. The little arcade prizes. Yeah, and I was like, oh, I thought we didn't get those to the end. He's like, no, call my side with me. So I'm like. What's going on? It is a little stick. Oh my God. Sorry, I'll stop with that joke. Maybe I'll stop with that joke. You. You feel my desperation at this point. So I appreciate your. Encouragement. So we go I and Oh my God, genuinely and will always remain one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. So thoughtful. So we've been texting previously and it had been Easter and you know, he was like, oh, what are you doing for Easter? And I was like, Oh, I kind of forgot like because my kids are older and it's different now, right? Like it's just there's no more wee hunts or I did get my son, who's the only child at home now, a wee basket, but. You know, cute.

1:15:59 It's just different. Yeah. And I said, but you know what, what I'd sell my soul for an Irish Easter egg right now. And he said, oh, what does that look like? And I described it and it's, you know, it's like centred around your favorite chocolate. And so he was like, well, what are you? What is your favorite chocolate? Dude was like data mining and. I was so cute. That's awesome. So lovely. Like listening, being proactive, taking notes on your preferences. Like storing data for a potential gift later. I like all of this. This is great. Love all of it and it's at the time I didn't realize this is what's happening. So we go to his car, he gives me a bag that is so. Heavy. Oh my God. Like what the Hell's in it?

1:16:39 Like, is it at their head? What is it like it was really heavy. And so like I, I open it and I'm, I almost literally cry like I was speechless. Oh, Claire, he had. Put together this beautiful box and it was all like it had like, I don't know, I'm not very artistic this bedding like. Was it like Easter grass or straws or something like that? Bedding that's like rabbit. Rabbit bedding. Betting, yeah. It had rabbit bedding but. It was so pretty and there was just rows and rows and rows of all Irish chocolate.

1:17:21 Oh my God. Like, literally heavenly. Food. Oh, it's so sweet and and. There was like a little key crochet key chain in the corner, like the presentation was on point. So cute. And then he said, lift up the chocolate. He got me a T-shirt with my hometown on it. What? Yes. Oh, that's a lot. And I was like, I was, I was overwhelmed. It was such a really kind gesture and. He was like. You know, I couldn't get an Easter egg, but I just, I went to ride and got your favorite Wow. And I was like, Oh my God. That is so thoughtful, like it, you know, shows effort like I, I love this. I was like it just I like leaned in because I have a wall. Yeah.

1:18:08 There's maybe several, but like, I was like, Oh yeah, so sweet. So we went on, we bowled, we ate terrible arcade food, like all the things. And it was, it was just so deeply pleasant. Deeply more than deeply pleasant. It was actually fun. I love it. It was cute. Got a little flirty towards the end, like we spent a good couple of hours together. He walks me to my car and I was like, oh, you should try some of the chocolate. And so we, I opened my trunk. It was kind of like a warm day. Yeah. It was kind of dreamy. You know, we're sitting with the chocolate and just chatting, and I just put a large amount of chocolate in my mouth.

1:18:49 He's like, can I kiss you? And I was like, that's really bad timing, But yes, yes, please. Like, yes, you can suck this chocolate off my bottom lip. Just kidding. Just kidding. Yes, there was a little bit of that. So we we have a a kiss. It's very pleasant. And it was a little like not robotic, but like I was like you, you can put your hands on my body or my face or something like it was a little like sounding like a Nutcracker kiss. But it was nice. It was it was good and it was just like a fun day. It was just fun. Yeah, it sounds amazing. I was like is. Claire having fun? Yeah. Wait. What on a date?

1:19:29 Have I let go of stress for a moment? And I'm like, living? Wow. Yeah, kind of like that. So it was, it was lovely. We text a little at night. The next day he's like, I would love to see you again. And I was like, great, let's do it. So is this where things take a turn well? Like I just want to highlight like this was lovely. Yeah, it all sounds lovely, and it didn't sound like any red flags had presented themselves. No, yeah. And I was just like. This is great. I, I, let's, let's go. Absolutely. He had mentioned that he thought I was like a little untrusting. And I said, you know, I'm just, I'm just a little, a little, a little shy of the whole dating thing. But like, you know, trust for me is like earned and built over time.

1:20:17 It you don't start from a place of trust, it builds right. And, and it had built that day, you know, And so we're chatting on Sunday. Sorry to any of my children, if you're listening, you know. Earmuffs. Just kidding. Just just go make a cup of tea or something now, So I, I mean, it wasn't like super racy, but it, you know, he, he was expressing nice, nice feelings. OK, some desire. Yeah, but there was no, there was no like Dick pics or anything like it was just. Yeah, it was. It was pretty. I get. It on the level yeah, Now I have to point out at this point that this man had said to me he's very literal and that like he he said and I quote you would literally like people have to like sit on my lap for me to know that they're interested. OK, that's fair.

1:21:06 I I sometimes have that too. Yeah, I I would be quite literal myself. I'm very bad at flirting for that reason. And so cuz I'm like wait what? And it's like, it was a joke. And I'm like, oh, sorry. Yeah. So he said that and there was something else he said about, you know, being very clear with what I I wanted. So I was like, wow, well, maybe now it would be a great time to, you know, talk about those things. So I just said, you know, Speaking of sex and stuff, I, I always get tested with a new partner and I expect the same of a new partner. Yeah. And you know, I typically don't have sex until I'm exclusive with somebody.

1:21:47 But if I do so this is, these are the words I use typically. And I said if I do, like I, we're going to be using protection until we're exclusive. Like that's, yeah, I mean, that seems extremely reasonable. And also I think that's fairly par for the course, right? Like minimum, right? I think that's the standard expectation, yeah, yeah. And, and like, honestly, if it wasn't, I'd be like, oh. Oh, like, maybe a red flag, right? Like, what are you trying to hide? Or, like, I mean, yeah, obviously, like, people should get tested, share the test results and wrap it up until you're exclusive. It seems like a very normal thing to say.

1:22:28 You would think. Oh boy. Yes, so I shared that and I get I can respect all of that. Your boundaries are valid for you and I'm like. Oh my gosh. OK, great, great. And then. Oh no. I have my own boundaries. OK, again, fair. I'm listening and I will not make an exclusive commitment to anyone in order to just have sex. With wait. Well, OK, whoa. And I'm like, OK. That's not even what you said though. You said we have to use protection until we're exclusive. Yeah. And I said typically I yeah, I had no requests. Yeah, OK. Yes. Sir, I just don't like the idea of withholding sex to gain something in return.

1:23:11 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. OK, excuse you. Withholding sex. Are you on fucking drugs, Sir? OK, look, that is not a OK. I'm sorry. I'm mad. Now. This has triggered me. You haven't triggered me. This man has triggered me. OK, because withholding sex implies and actually indicates so just straight out that he is owed sex by you and for you to not comply is therefore withholding. So you are withholding something he is rightfully owed. That is some fucking bullshit. Yes, and bear in mind this is the next text after I just shared that. Yeah, in a very respectful way.

1:23:53 Yeah, it, it was a pretty short text, like like I was just like, hey, like, you know, because in advance, like I'm actually signaling to you, I, I would perhaps like to have sex. With that's how I would have taken it and I've been like, great, let's get tested and grab a pack of condoms and like go. Do it now please. Like I don't think it's weird to not know that you don't have chlamydia before I have sex with. You. Yeah, that's not weird. Wow. But withholding sex? Yes. And it was the verbiage where I was like, what is happening? Sincerely, fuck that guy. Except don't fuck that guy. He does not deserve. He does not deserve sex.

1:24:33 And now I'm suspicious that there's, you know, something that might turn up on those tests. Yeah, well cuz like what is going on? And the whole withholding sex to gain something in return. Like to what do you mean? Like what does he think you're gaining? Manipulative. Also 100% he's doing that. Because wait, what? Like just what is happening so. He you owe him sex and if you don't put out then you're manipulating, Yes. Fuck that. Yeah. So like, how could you ever have a headache or something? Like you clearly couldn't because it would be viewed. Oh no, you're withholding sex that I'm rightfully owed. Yes. Wow. The text does not end there. Oh God, I've. Dealt with sex being used as leverage in a way to hurt me by withholding it in a committed exclusive relationship very recently and I won't ever be leveraged like that again.

1:25:23 Holy shit. And I am like, this is the best part. If you're old fashioned that way and need commitment first, like I said, I can respect that. I don't think you can, Sir. No, there's no respect happening in these texts at all. But I don't have to agree with it or suffer that in my life again. Suffer that in my life again. OK, Sir, I feel like this string of texts is not directed at my lovely Claire. It is directed at your ex. But please don't bother her either. Please go to therapy and fucking work that out and get through it. Yeah, because someone you've been on two dates with does. Oh, I'm sorry, one meet up and one date does not owe you sex and is not withholding it if she chooses not to give it and definitely is not manipulating you or making you suffer for, you know, insisting you wear a condom unless and until you're exclusive. Fuck you.

1:26:18 That that's how I would read it and and it continues so it. Keeps going. I can't believe this. If an exclusive commitment is your boundary, which I never said. That is not what you said. No, and requisite of a relationship which doesn't make sense. In order to be intimate, I think we should best say goodbye. Yeah, definitely. Bye. And I was like, peace out. What? Yeah. And again, was willing at that point to go have you know, I, I just, I don't understand what just happened. Perhaps you misread my? Text like what what is what is happening? And and I even said I'm super sorry that happened to you. What kind of shitty you came at me like? That.

1:27:00 Extremely shitty, yes. Yes and that the response. I appreciate you sharing ahead of time. I know for certain what I will not put up with again. Using sex as a carrot does not work for me and I'm sorry if you take offense. That's not what you were doing. OK, there was ever a moment for this move, which I hate, but this? It's made for this moment. It is where you go back. You screenshot your text, circle it in red and underline the relevant clauses or words like it's passive aggressive and petty as shit. But in this case, he fucking deserves. It but also kind of necessary. Learn to read, buddy. So I did just that. You did. I didn't underline but I I was like.

1:27:43 I'm so proud, Proud of you. I'm so proud of you. But like, kind of in desperation too, like. A close reading except for. At this point I think you have all the information you need. You know, and I knew that at my core. Yeah, but I get it. Because you had hope, right? You were hopeful. So like from one end to the other. Yeah, I just like, wait, what? Chocolate box man like. Yeah, come on, come on, little legs. Yes. Small stick, What's happening? Come on, small stick. And so he said. You were saying I misinterpreted. Yeah, because you did. Yes, Oh my God. So it it went on and he said I'm a literal person.

1:28:26 I'm going by exactly what I read. And I was like. No, you didn't because you did the opposite. Yeah, you took you kind of assume there. Because that's what I was going for. Because you told me that, but then you said things I didn't say. So I I just said look, could could we have a quick chat? Because I think text can be weird. It can be. Tone is hard. It's almost impossible sometimes to read in a text. Yes and obviously he was elevated. I was trying to be nice so he sent me a little gift that said you may proceed which didn't love that fuck off. And I said super. Not in the mood for memes or gifts. Right. Now, but we just love like a simple yes or no. Can we chat on the phone? Yeah, so it was.

1:29:07 It was quiet and I called, went straight to voicemail. Oh fuck that guy. And I was like. Bye. OK. And so I sent him a little voice note because I just, I didn't want to text anymore. Yeah, it was it was like too many things. And then he said, you may as well have used bullet points. What? And I was like, I I'm bullet. Points. So lost. So he cut it off OK, and that was that. I sent the little. Great note at the end. Then the next day I. Don't know. Yeah, yeah. It kept going. He said. I do admit I'm one a bit confused Nye.

1:29:48 I'm oh, I'm the one a bit confused Nye. I'm not sure what you were planning, but getting tested I thought was a requirement. Yes, it. Was yeah. Would have to be done early this week if you were planning for the weekend. And I was like, Oh my God, What? What again is is happening? I'm not sure if I heard that wrong, but I don't live in your head, so I've no idea what's going on. That was my point. Yeah, the whole point. I'm just doing highlights. Not because there's so much. You don't explicitly say condoms either, but that's also part of safe sex. And I was like. Yeah, that's, I mean that's, I think that's implied when you said we have to use protection until we're exclusive.

1:30:29 I wasn't suggesting we use a Smith's bag or like plastic. Sack. Or a zip lock bag. I don't know. I can't think. Like like of another form of protection that one might be using to prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted disease. Field like what I mean? Does anyone actually use those? I don't think so. I don't think so either. I never even be. Purchased like I don't I don't even know. So yes, it just, it just, it just got very weird and there's just not enough time in the earth to go through them all. So this was Monday evening and I just started Gray rocking because I couldn't take it anymore.

1:31:10 And again, don't even really know why I was engaging. And I said, you know, I just really regret bringing this up. And he, he was like, thank you for regretting. Like he thought it was like I'm regretting upsetting you. But oh God. No, no, I'm regretting because you are mental. Yeah, you're insane. Yeah. And I mean look look at the lengths and you can see my responses are. Like very short. Yeah, just like, I don't know. Yeah. I think we're we're all done here. We're all done here until the next day. Oh my God, Claire. And I was like, hi. And he, he said hello. And I, I was going to say, you know, thank you for such a lovely weekend. I don't think we're a match, which is why I reached out. I don't know why I felt this need to wrap it up. I should have just left it.

1:31:59 So immediately it went to another GIF of Lionel Richie saying hello. And I was like, oh, that's a good song. And he asked, did they have 80s music in Ireland? And. And I said yes, it was also the 80s in Ireland. I mean, not not to mention, but like Ireland was closer to a lot of like the Brit rock that was coming out in the 80s. Well, I mean, yes, so yeah, so there was that. And then he said I'm good, I'm just watching Temptation Island. And I said, oh, I thought you didn't like real DT because he he'd been as people can be pretty. Oh, you like the house? You're so lowbrow, you know.

1:32:42 And I said, I thought you didn't like it. And he said, well, they aren't super negative. It's more upbeat with some naughtiness and heartbreak. And then also added those girls, not women, those girls also have their asses like, which might be a small reason it's appealing. Yeah, I like at that. I was just like, OK, I was like, well, I said lovely. Far be it for me to get in the way of the objectification of 20 something asses. I love you. That's such a good one because. I was just like, we don't need to talk further. Like you don't even need my pleasant. Goodbye, Tom. We're all done. And he said, oh geez, I think some of them are in their 30s.

1:33:25 Oh, OK, Sir. And so I sent a cuz he's very giffy. I sent a Clint Eastwood, one of him like going oh, and he said, are you going to tell me to get off your lawn? And I said I think so, yeah. Good. And he said, So you're still grumpy then. Oh, I. Oh, I hate it. This is one of those things that men do to trivialize your feelings, right? They use super like kid coded language, like you're pouty, you're grumpy like this kind of stuff in order to trivialize your very legitimate feelings. It sounds like you may have experienced. This maybe once or twice.

1:34:06 Yes, maybe once or twice. Yeah, so I but also when was I ever grumpy? You weren't. You weren't at all. He was the grumpy one. He's the one that fucking flew off the handle. Yeah, And when I actually sent him a voice memo, I was like, I'm really sad. This is weird. Like I had such a lovely time with you. Oh my God, I hate him. Yeah. So I was like, wait, what? I was never grumpy. So he said OK, and then I got a list. Oh no. And I tried to diffuse, I tried to I'm like. No, he didn't, but. Also, we were never fighting. I just said I like to use condoms and get. Tested. Well, he was fighting. Yeah, you weren't. But he was. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he was fighting with his ex, who doesn't speak to him anymore. Yes, just with you as a proxy.

1:34:48 100% proxy. Punching bag. I think it's clear. It's very clear. Very clear, yeah. So I just said I had a fab day with you on Saturday and really like to, but I feel like I've been speaking to a different person since Sunday. And I said there's there's more I could say based on just all of this and what feels like a lot of poking and argumentation, but maybe just best to park it in a good spot and say, I just don't think we're compatible in many ways. And I truly wish you well. That is so much more gracious than he deserved. Lovely. I just like because initially. I was like, it's like, you know, like it's not worth it. Just be the bigger person.

1:35:28 Move on. Which you were. That's beautiful. That's a great ending message. What? Followed a wall of text. That was bitchy. Yeah. So remember that. I'm sorry. Did he get grumpy after that? He was grumpy, so you know that maybe we should say goodbye text on Sunday. Apparently he was breaking up with me, but I didn't know it, so he said I said this on Sunday and you were not OK with it. Wait, what? Yeah, which I never said that. You can't. You can't fire me. I quit. I broke up with you first. Are we in middle school? Apparently we're in middle school. Or real. I was just like Oh my God, I don't think you liked my response and since then all I've done is protect myself from your hailstorm. What the fuck?

1:36:14 Yes. Oh, he had a whole fight with you in his head. I said. It didn't actually happen, didn't he? I am. So confused, Melissa. I bet he was in the shower, like thinking of zingers to like, say to the show her. Yeah, the imaginary things that you said to him that he totally made-up in his head. Like I I never felt mean to this man. No, you weren't. And like, I friends, listeners, I saw, like the whole interaction. Claire is not misrepresenting how she, like, interacted with him. I saw the whole thing. There was nothing. Yeah. Like, you were perfectly kind and gracious at all. Yeah. No, I saw it all. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking weirdo. Listen. No. This is so listen. Oh my. God, I'm sorry listeners, this is a long episode. But listen, I feel good about how I responded. To you.

1:37:04 I've shown our conversation to two separate female friends who always in capitals call me on my ship when I'm in the wrong with people. They don't take my side if I mess up. Their opinions were both done separately and resigningly. Now I don't know what that means. That means that he has made-up two female friends and is using them to validate his own shittiness. But resigningly like that shouldn't appear in that sentence. It just, it doesn't make it. But nothing has made sense. This is like a work e-mail at this point, True. They basically said I need to run away from you as quickly as I. Can Oh my God, great, please run away. OK.

1:37:51 You take your unresolved trauma and you run with those little lakes far, far away. In packed in bikes this after one date. That was what I was thinking. Yeah, that's what I was also thinking when I read that. Yeah. So yes, my answer of saying goodbye on Sunday was, I believe, the right call. I believe. Especially after what followed. I value my peace and if you behave like this after one date, Jesus Christ what would you do in a major disagreement? What the actual fuck? What what happened? I still. I think we've already figured out what happened. This man has some major unresolved issues that he needs to get therapy for and he took it out on you when you said something very reasonable.

1:38:40 And also come on like I broke up with you first like I have female friends that counter signed my opinion. Said you're a pitch. Like, no, no, you didn't. Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna happen. I will take things that never happened for 200, Alex. Yeah. Bing Yeah, be safe out there and happy adventures to you, Claire. I don't need that in my life. Wow. Yeah, the end. Fuck you. Fuck you dude, fuck you. Reply Yeah, don't do that. Wow, what a piece of shit. I just was like, OK, this is this is the overarching thesis of everything. Yeah. Why? How how can things flip so fast from being really pleasant to like that and also the need to get in, you know, like dude with you, I I wouldn't date you, but I might consider you as a be your friend.

1:39:39 Yeah, I wouldn't date you. That's why I super swiped your profile. I was the one that initiated all the conversations. I told you to give me your number. I told you when I was going to call, I wanted to go out on a date with you. But you know what? Actually, you're not up to my standards to date because you didn't respond for a day and a half. And like, I mean, he did read that room correctly. I was no longer interested after the quote. Intelligence test UN quote. I don't know why. I know, right? Yeah, like you, you'd pass the intellect test. Whatever like. What is happening? I don't know what. Like whatever happened to just like a exchange or oh that that made me feel weird.

1:40:20 Like should we chat about that? Or, you know, I think I can probably sum this up. What I think is happening, I think these men feel entitled to female attention to a relationship and to sex without really bringing anything to the table themselves. And when they don't get those things easily and immediately from us, then they flip and they get super angry. Don't you think that's right? I mean, I'm not saying all men, but I'm saying these men that we've talked about. It seems to be the only kind of through line. Yeah, I think so. You know, and like sometimes, like personally for me and again, like there, there's different situations and you know, I feel like if you're texting somebody and they also get into that too quickly, it it makes me go, oh, like I'd maybe rather do things in real life 1st and then talk about them after rather, you know, and I don't know if part of that is my the walls I have up to dating because I'm like, Oh, can you like, I've sort of gone into a different topic here, but it's associated with then if you are kind of like, I don't, I don't really want to do that. You get that anger back.

1:41:32 Well, well, why else are you on here? And it's like just to meet a person that will give me a hug like. You're withholding sex. It's like I have. Which I I'm clearly entitled to after one date. What is happening? Now I feel like that gift was love bombing. You know, it made it weird. Yeah, it made it weird. Yeah. Because I'm like, that was so lovely and I'm trying to keep it as a lovely gesture. But interestingly, when he give it to me, he kept saying there's no strings attached to this. Like, even if I never see you again, there's no strings. Attached. Oh great. I didn't think there were until you said that. Never that I never that didn't enter my head. I was actually overwhelmed with your kindness or what I perceived.

1:42:16 Yeah. But I just what? Why is everybody so angry? This is as I say, I'm growing. Yeah, well, I mean, you have a right to be angry. I'm super angry on your behalf, actually. It's just weird. Yeah, but I think that's it. I think it's a sense of entitlement. Frustrated entitlement because they're not getting what they think the universe owes them. Like, look, Claire doesn't owe you sex. The universe owes you nothing. So like fucking go to therapy and like stop inflicting yourself on women until you can like be a good person and. And also stop testing women. Yes, stop testing women. Intellectual into. I can't even. Say intellectual quote, UN quote. I clearly not pass but like or political positions or assumed.

1:43:01 It's the level of assumption too. Well, that's the. Thing yeah, and if the political is a deal breaker, which it can be, just ask, right? You don't need to fish in that weird testy way and then send me like a whole wall of like pre written copy paste text. Yeah, so weird conflate an assumption like just can we all take a collective? Breath. I mean, gosh, I hope. That was long. That was long. That was really long. Sorry friends. This is going to be our longest episode yet. But you know what, hopefully you stuck with us until the end. If you did, good job. So we'll sign off now. If you like what we do, please consider following us on Apple podcast or Spotify.

1:43:44 Just takes a second to hit that follow button. Please consider giving us a five star rating, a review or a comment if you have stories similar to ours that you would like to share. Yes, please write in. We would love to hear from you. We would love to hear your stories so we felt less alone in this cold, barren, isolated world. I mean, the good thing about this podcast, Claire, is at least we can share our own stories with each other and be like, OK, I'm not crazy. Like this is a theme. Yeah, like read my phone. Did this happen? Yeah, no, I read that whole text exchange and like that was unhinged because you feel crazy sometimes. Yeah, you're like, what? No, because he's like doing this weird Darva wee gas lady thing, right? Like you're the problem when he's the one that flew off the handle. It's just. Wow.

1:44:25 Yeah, wow, wow. Once again, I feel like we end a lot of our episodes with. Wow. Well, you know, if it helps anybody else out there feel less alone, it's all worth. It it's worth it, All right For listening. Thanks for listening, Our salty ho, salty Bros. We love you. Take care. We'll come at you next time. We will. We'll see you soon. OK, Bye.